Perceptions Series: 07 Regrets
by kalinda001
Summary: Regret is part of being alive. But keep it a small part." But what if you can't? - The crew run into someone from the past but is it another one of Servalan's tricks? Avon finally tells Cally what Servalan did to him, allowing a great breakthrough.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Avon sat on the sleep platform in his cell, his knees pulled up against the cold, a minor comfort, but the only one his captors had not been able to take away. If they could find a way, he knew that they would remove that one too. The sharp pains from his body and the exhaustion were his only companions against the isolation.

He never knew how debilitating loneliness could be. It wasn't the peace of solitude that he normally needed, a time to recover from the stress of dealing with others; it was an aching, soul-destroying emptiness. It was the knowledge that he was completely and utterly alone; and he was afraid.

The others thought he was dead. No one would be coming to rescue him from this living nightmare. He wished that he could fall asleep and never wake up again; that they would torture him to death and to leave him dead. Instead, they were slowly destroying every part of him. His body, they would leave to the last. When everything else was gone, would they finally give him the oblivion of death? Or would Servalan leave just enough of him so that he could forever appreciate what she had done to him. He didn't have to calculate the odds to know the answer to that question.

Alone. Without hope. In a place where death was a luxury.

He didn't know how much longer he could hold out against Servalan and Sester. They had all the advantages, and all he had was his own mind; a mind they were well on their way to destroying, a mind that they had already forced to work for them. He was helpless against the conditioning; he had to work, he had to serve them. He had no choice.

They had made him dependent on the drugs. Without them he would slowly descend into the madness of the nightmares. Servalan had made him little more than a puppet; a slave to her whims and desires.

Anguish. Humiliation. Helplessness. Depression. Each day seemed worse than the last. Servalan was always most creative when thinking up new ways to torture him. The only thing which gave him any real comfort was the knowledge that Cally was safe. He had been able to save her; she was still alive. It was the only thing that gave him any hope.

_You can do anything to me, Servalan. As long as Cally stays alive. _It wasn't just the need to no longer be alone.

The cell door slid open. Servalan waltzed in wearing a trademark elegant white dress. Somehow the colour made her seem even more sinister. "Avon. I have something very important to tell you." She seemed to be bursting with the need to tell him something. The happier she looked, Avon knew, the worse the news would be for him.

Servalan continued with a cruel smile, "I am sorry to have to inform you that Cally is dead."

Avon cried out in agony. This news was the worst torture she could inflict on him.

**********

Cally heard a pained scream and was overwhelmed by a blast of emotional pain. For a moment, she was stunned by the intensity of the feelings and then she got up and rushed to Avon's side. Avon's knees were drawn up; his arms hugged his body protectively. He was moaning. Cally's arms went around him, attempting to give him comfort and trying to reach his tortured mind.

*_ Avon wake up. It's me, Cally. You're having another nightmare. It's time to come out of it. _*

She was becoming increasingly worried about him. The nightmares, as the drugs wore off, were getting progressively worse. They were claiming him earlier. She was afraid that eventually, the drugs would no longer be able to hold them off. On that day, she didn't know what he would do; she didn't know what she could do to help him.

As she held him, Avon's body was shivering. She tightened her hold on him and projected as strongly as she could into his mind. *_ Avon! You have to break through the dreams! Please, Avon. You have to fight._ * Cally knew that he must be experiencing torture of some kind. It was usually this or something even worse. She could not imagine the things Servalan and the Federation must have done to him.

Something wet touched her skin. With shock, Cally realized that tears were flowing down Avon's face. This had never happened before.

*_ Avon! Please! You have to come out of it! Avon! It's Cally. I'm here. Come back! _*Cally was frantic. He was scaring her.

A barely perceptible mental voice said, *_ C-Cally? _*

* _Yes, Avon! It's me. Please come out of it. _* Avon's eyes opened and she could see a naked pain in his eyes; when he saw her, it was replaced with a faint fearful hope.

"Cally?" HIs voice sounded weak and hoarse. It was a moment of vulnerability she had never seen before on his face.

"Oh, Avon." She cried and hugged him, putting her head on his chest.

Instinctively, Avon put his arms around her. "It's alright, Cally." On one hand he was trying to reassure her; on the other, holding onto her, was like grabbing onto a lifeline. The memory of Servalan telling him that Cally was dead was still fresh in his mind. He couldn't tell anymore if it had been real or if it had just been a cruel nightmare from his deteriorating mind.

Cally looked up at him, "No. It's not alright. It's getting worse. Yesterday it was about your brother. What was it about this time?"

Avon's jaw tightened in stress. It was already bad enough having to face the nightmares in his sleep. "I don't want to talk about it."

Cally was aware of his distress and she knew that he would resist discussing it, but she had to try, for his sake. "Please, Avon. I know you think that it doesn't serve any purpose to talk about it. It's very clear from the way you've cleverly avoided saying anything meaningful in those therapy sessions with Argus. If you need a reason for your rational mind, then do it for me. What's happening to you scares me."

A grimace flashed across Avon's face. She was right. It wasn't just about him anymore. There were two of them now. He may not consider it important for himself, but it was important to her, and for that reason, it should be important to him as well.

The last thing Avon wanted to do was to hurt Cally. Her worrying about him was something he could not help; it was something he could not control. Until he fully recovered (and he had to convince himself that he would eventually), she would always be worrying about him. The one thing he could do was to not add to her concerns. If it was in his power to do that, he would. It was something he could do.

He told her, "In the dream, I was in my cell at the detention centre. Servalan came in." He had a stab of irrational fear at the memory of the dream. Avon kept his eyes fixed on Cally's face, trying to commit to his mind every feature, every expression; reminding himself that the nightmare had not been real.

_This is real. You are real. You're alive._ He held her tighter, feeling the reassurance of her body pressed against his; a warmth that could penetrate even the cold cell of his nightmares.

Cally was very aware of how Avon was feeling. She was more aware of him now than she had ever been; he was no longer just at the periphery of her consciousness. Cally guessed that it had something to do with the breaking down of Avon's mind. The mental barriers that he normally had in place to protect and isolate himself were wearing thin. She wondered how he would react if he knew; he would most likely try his best to put them back up.

Avon continued, "Servalan told me you were…dead." The last word came out in a reluctant and pained whisper.

Cally's feelings at the idea that he could be so affected by the thought of her death contrasted with her anger at Servalan's cruelty. "We will kill her one day. Just the two of us," she said vehemently. There were so many reasons to kill that woman.

Avon said, "I don't know if it happened. Or if it was just another nightmare."

"Does it matter? She's done more than enough to both of us. I want her dead."

This was the Cally he had first met on Saurian Major; the one full of anger and a need to tear down the Federation. She had been very young then. Avon knew it was a part of her that she had let go of. He didn't want her to take it up again because of him.

He asked her with his thoughts, *_ To destroy until we are destroyed? _*

Cally lifted her head up from his chest to look into his eyes; and saw that he was teasing. She smiled softly and projected to him, *_ Maybe just the first part. _*

*_ You're no longer the person you once were on Saurian Major. _*

She had a puzzled expression on her face, she didn't understand what he was trying to convey. *_ Don't you want to kill Servalan?_ *

There was tightness in Avon's throat when he responded. "_Yes_."

*_ But you don't want me to? _* she asked.

*_ You're no longer a person who wants to destroy, _* said Avon.

_* You never were. _*

The corner of Avon's lips curled in a brief smile. *_ You knew? _*

*_ Not until much later, when I was trapped on Terminal. I had a lot of time to think. You only did it because of Blake. When you had a choice later, you never chose that path. _*

Avon's smile disappeared as she spoke into his mind. His stomach twisted in pain at the mention of Blake's name, Avon grimaced. He wasn't ready to deal with this, he wasn't sure if he ever would be able to.

Noticing his reaction, Cally asked with concern, "Avon! Are you alright?"

Avon grimaced again. "Yes. I don't want to talk about this. I can't."

Cally wished she could take her words back. * _I'm so sorry, Avon. I should have remembered. _* The mention of Terminal and Blake, touched on some of the worst nightmares Servalan had inflicted on him. * _We won't talk about destruction or Servalan, or nightmares. _*

*_ No more talking. _* Avon leaned down and kissed her. It started out as a teasing and gentle expression, but soon grew to reflect their growing passion for each other. All fears, worries and anger were pushed aside; feelings became action, and action fed feelings. Their bodies were entwined together and for the first time since they started sharing physical intimacy together, Avon did not experience fear or repulsion.

They both took pleasure in the discovery but were careful not to take the final step. Neither of them wanted this moment to be marred by a reminder of another thing Servalan had done to Avon.

**********

Vila was depressed.

He was in the dining area, trying to drown his mood.

In a bowl of ice cream.

A big bowl, a _very_ big bowl, he was going to need another one soon.

Vila really wished he had not promised Avon that he would think first before taking a drink. Not that he didn't think that Avon was right, it was inconvenient, especially when he was feeling like this. He cleared the remainder of the vanilla ice cream with his spoon, sighed at the empty bowl, and got up to get another one. He waited until one of the resident Athol soldiers picked up his meal tray of something that looked like meat, piled on some more meat, of a different colour and a side order of something Vila didn't recognize. Which was odd considering that Vila thought he had gone through the entire menu of the food dispensers at least once. _Must have missed this one. _Though from the looks of the way it sat on the plate, there was probably a reason why he didn't remember this particular delicacy.

The soldier nodded to him and then moved off. Vila stepped up to the vacant dispenser. _Maybe something a little less plain this time. Chocolate? With some sprinkles? And a wafer? _He ordered up the concoction. The appearance of the ice cream made Vila even more depressed, and less depressed at the same time. It was very strange. Vila picked up the tray and went back to his table.

As he absently swirled the ice cream around in the bowl, he realized that in a way, it was fitting that he was trying to divert himself with ice cream. The alcohol would not have been appropriate.

Vila missed the children. As the _Justice_ got farther and farther away from Kaarn, the more he felt their absence. It was silly, he hadn't known them for more than three weeks, but he was already attached to them. Avon would most likely have had some snide remark about an overly developed sentiment or the irrationality of developing such strong feelings over such a short period of time.

But Vila didn't care. All he knew was that he loved those children and they loved him.

At times, Vila really wished he had chosen to stay with the soldiers who had decided to remain on Kaarn. He sighed and dug his spoon into the chocolate ice cream.

**********

"Are you trying to use me?" Reya asked Argus. The temperature in their cabin seemed to drop several degrees with the tone in her voice.

Argus winced. He had said in no uncertain terms to Avon that he was never going to do this, and here he was doing it. Sester knew of the existence of the hybrids and the remnants of the Auronar. That was an unfortunate fact that they couldn't avoid. He also knew of Kaarn but due to Reya's diligence, he didn't know where it was. For Argus, this was still too dangerous. They needed some other way to ensure the safety of the children and the secrecy of the new Auronar home planet.

He said, "Please, Reya. I didn't intend to ask you but you're the only one who can do it. Our only other option is to kill him. Even throwing him off the ship won't work, he'll report straight back to Servalan. We can't let him do that. She's already tried to wipe out the Aurons once."

"Stop trying to lecture me,___Drel Argus_. I know that already." When she said his name, it was not in an endearing voice. Reya was not very impressed with what he was trying to do, even though she understood and agreed with the principle of it.

"Then what's the problem?" he asked in an exasperated tone.

"The problem is _you_," she told him.

Argus's voice began to rise. "Are _you_ going to let _him_ get between us? This is about the children and the Aurons."

"Don't try to confuse the issue by bringing them into it," said Reya. "This is about you and me."

"And HIM," said Argus. He was clearly angry now.

"I'm not going to talk to you until you've calm down," said Reya.

"Stop trying to patronize me!"

"And stop trying to bring Sester into it."

"Why not? He's the problem!"

Reya stared at him, not wanting to say anymore because she didn't want to aggravate him further. Sester was a sore point between them and she was afraid that he always would be. She couldn't wait until Sester was off the ship and no longer able to cause them trouble. It didn't help that she still felt guilty about what happened on Papos. She said in a quiet voice, "Please don't do this. I'm sorry I brought it up. I'll try to talk to Sester about it. I know it's important."

Argus felt rotten at her change in manner and he was angry with himself. _Why do I always do this?_

His voice also softened. "I'm sorry, Reya. I don't know what comes over me when I think about him. It's not just jealousy. At least, I don't want it to be." He reached out and put his arms around her. "Are you angry that I asked you to do this?"

"Yes."

"But I thought that you understood why," said Argus.

"I do. That's not why I'm angry. You just asked me to tell Sester. You never gave me a choice."

"You could have said no. It wasn't an order."

"It's the way you asked me. You knew I couldn't say no," said Reya.

Argus's shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

Reya put her hand on his chest. "I know you didn't. I guess I over-reacted as well. It felt as if you were trying to use me and you wanted to use Sester's relationship with me."

Argus said, "I felt really bad about asking you but I didn't see any way around it. It was either this or do something even more drastic and I knew you wouldn't like _that_."

"I'll talk to him. But I won't use his feelings for me," said Reya.

"But Reya…" Argus didn't understand.

"No. I refuse to." Reya was very firm about this. Just as she didn't want to be used, she refused to manipulate Sester by using his feelings for her.

Argus said, "We need him to agree to keep Kaarn and the existence of the Aurons a secret."

"I will explain it to him. He will listen to reason." She was certain that Sester would see the need.

"Reason?" Argus was clearly sceptical.

"Do you trust me?" asked Reya.

"Of course I do. I just don't trust _**him**_," stressed Argus.

"Let me do this my way."

Argus could see the confidence and resolve in her eyes. He said, "Alright. We will try it your way. But if it doesn't work, we may have to try something more drastic."

"I understand. I don't think that will be necessary."

"I still think you're placing too much faith in him."

"You don't understand him."

Argus doubted if _she_ did but he refrained from saying so. It aggravated and worried him to no end that Reya's usually sharp perceptions and natural suspicions didn't seem to apply to Sester. He fully expected that they would have to apply more direct pressure on him.

Chapter Two

Cally was busy reading and running through simulations in Avon's lab. The care of the children had put her medical studies on hold and she was trying to catch up. The _Justice_ was due to arrive back at General Reve's headquarters in a few days and she wanted to be farther along before she talked to Healer Garett again.

Avon was at a workbench nearby. Currently he was trying to break the encryption on the files he had downloaded from the alien research facility.

They hadn't spoken to one another in several hours. Each was content being in the other's presence. There was no need for words to fill the intervening space. It was something Avon appreciated about Cally; silence did not make her uncomfortable.

As he was working, a part of Avon's mind was concerned about something. His subconscious mulled it over as the active part of his mind concentrated on his task.

When he was ready to talk about it, without looking up, Avon said, "Cally."

Without turning her head from the text on the screen, Cally said, * _Yes, Avon? _*

*_ Have you noticed something about Vila? _* asked Avon.

Cally turned to look at him. *_ Why do you ask? _*

*_ It may be nothing. Perhaps I'm wrong, _* said Avon.

*_ What have you noticed? _*she asked him, trying to solicit the information before he really did decide it was nothing.

*_ He appears…unhappy. _* It wasn't strange for him to notice such a detail, but it definitely felt strange to broach it as a topic for discussion.

Cally wondered what he was thinking about. It seemed odd to her that Avon would care enough about something like this that he would want to talk about it. He did with her but that was different. This was someone else. However, perhaps because it was Vila, it shouldn't have been that surprising. It could be a natural extension of Avon's desire to work on relationships with the various people on the ship.

*_ Yes, I had noticed that, _* she told him.

Avon lifted his head from the decryption he had been working on and turned in her direction. *_ Do you know why? _*

*_ I can guess, _* she told him.

*_ Can you tell me? _*he asked her.

*_ Why don't you ask him yourself, Avon? _* In the same way, Cally had encouraged the children to develop their verbal skills; she was hoping to persuade Avon to develop his social ones. She wondered what had happened to him in the past that prevented him from acquiring such basic skills; or what was done to him. Cally had been meaning to talk to Vila but this was even better.

*_ I would prefer doing something for him, _* said Avon.

*_ You always prefer doing something rather than saying something_, * said Cally. *_ But if you want to improve your relationship with Vila, you should start talking to him. At least sometimes. This is a good opportunity. Find out why he's unhappy and then you can do something about it. One works better with the other. _*

Avon fell silent as he thought this over. * _The likelihood is that I will not say the right things. _*

*_ Don't let that stop you, Avon. It's important that you try. *_

Avon said, "Alright."

**********

Sester exited his cabin and headed towards the dining area. He saw Reya approaching and turned around and walked the other way.

He heard her voice behind him. "Don't do that. I want to talk to you."

Sester stopped but didn't turn around to face her. "I thought that our encounters in the corridors made you uncomfortable?"

"This is not an encounter - not your kind anyway. I came to see you."

"I see." Sester turned around. Her beauty and the bright energy of her personality always took his breath away. "I don't think this is a good idea, Reya. What if someone sees us? What if it gets back to Argus? What if he shows up?"

"When have you ever been concerned about that?" asked Reya.

"Not for myself. I'm _not_ afraid of _him_," said Sester.

"You're worried about my relationship with Argus?" she asked.

"I know you don't believe me, but I only want what's best for you." He said this with such sincerity that it was hard not to believe him.

Reya really wished he would stop doing that. "And you've concluded that the best thing for me is my relationship with Argus?"

"Yes." There was a faint expression of resignation on Sester's face. "I know that you'll never be happy with anyone else. Especially not me."

"I'm sorry that this had to happen."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. It was my own fault. I should never have allowed it to get this far."

"Is there anything I can do?" In a way, Reya did feel responsible for how he was feeling. She knew that she shouldn't, but she couldn't help herself.

Reya's professional mind told her that this was a man who could not be trusted and that every word out of his mouth should be met with open scepticism. Her personal instincts were another matter. When he spoke, his voice wormed its way through her defences, making her want to believe him. Her sense of danger did not work when it came to Sester; in fact it had the opposite effect. She had to continually remind herself to be careful of him; to not take everything he said at face value.

Sester put his hand up and said, "Stop acting as if you cared. It only makes it worse."

He had an almost irresistible, natural impulse to feel her body beneath his. He imagined crushing her resistance with his desires… Sester tried to exorcise the thoughts from his mind. He almost took a step backwards, away from her. "What do you want from me, Reya? Why were you looking for me?"

"How did you know that I needed something from you?" she asked.

"Would you be here if you didn't?" he asked with self-mocking sarcasm.

There was a flash of guilt in Reya's eyes. She said, "You're right."

Whatever it was, Sester could see that she was reluctant to bring it up now. "Ask me."

Reya told him, "It's too dangerous to let the Federation know about the children or that there are Aurons still alive other than Cally. Their existence and that of Kaarn must remain a secret."

Sester already knew what she wanted. "You're concerned that I will tell the Federation. Or more specifically, that I would tell Servalan?"

"Yes," replied Reya.

"You know that if Servalan ever found out that I knew, and didn't tell her, she would most likely kill me? And that would be the least unpleasant of her options."

"I know that it's asking a lot."

Sester studied her face and found what he expected to find. "You know that if you asked me not to tell her, then I wouldn't?"

There was a troubled expression on her face. "I know."

"It would be the easiest and the only sure way to know what my answer would be. As a psychostrategist, I would not hesitate to use such an advantage in order to achieve my aims. Don't you think that your goals are worth ensuring my cooperation?"

"I can't do that to you. I want you to do it, because you want to do it. For the sake of the children and for the last of Cally's people. And because you don't want Servalan to win in this way."

It was more than just her beauty that drew Sester to her, Reya believed in him. She had no reason to, she just did. It was one of the reasons he found it hard to let her go. He didn't want to disappoint her.

"I promise you, Reya. I will not tell Servalan or the Federation about the children, the Auronar or Kaarn. I do not want to see them harmed either." There was an unforced sincerity in his manner. It was a simple statement of truth.

Again, Reya wished he would stop doing that. She had to face another (appalling) truth; she could not do her job where Sester was concerned. _I will have to talk to Argus._ She felt as if she had failed him again but the security of the people on the ship was more important than her own personal considerations.

**********

Vila was tending to his shift on the flight deck. He was bored and depressed. His stomach didn't feel well because of all the ice cream and he really wished he had made a trip to the medical bay before starting.

He was working his way to a very foul mood. The flight deck was empty of people except him, which suited Vila just fine. He didn't want anyone around right now. Any unfortunate person would probably run off soon enough. He increasingly wished that he had decided to stay on Kaarn with the children. The fact that he hadn't was a mistake he was regretting.

Avon came down the steps to the flight deck.

Vila turned around to see who it was. "Cally's not here. Argus isn't either. In case you were wondering." He tried to sound civil; he didn't want to scare anyone off right away.

"I know where they are," said Avon as he crossed over to the couches and sat down facing him.

Vila did not feel sociable right now. Deciding that Avon was probably here to work on something, Vila ignored him. He looked down at his panel to run over the reports from the daily systems checks. He could have asked Zen; it would have been much easier, but Vila didn't want to talk to any computers either.

As he did this, it was quiet, which wasn't unusual. Avon rarely felt a need to say anything unless he had to; but even the quiet was bothering Vila, because it was a silence that had someone else in it. He glanced up to see what Avon was doing, wondering when he would finish and leave. Vila saw that Avon was staring at him. He wondered how long he had been doing that. It made Vila feel uncomfortable.

Vila said with irritation, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Avon had been analyzing the situation, trying to decide how to begin. Vila's attitude told him that things had progressed beyond just simple unhappiness. Avon doubted if he was the right person to deal with this. It was better handled by someone with more experience, or at the very least, with more sensitivity.

"Is there something you wanted to talk about?" asked Avon.

For some reason, Avon's question made Vila even more irritated. It wasn't just the fact that he had no idea what Avon was asking; it was the thought that someone who didn't have a clue how he was feeling would be here asking _him_ questions.

"Why would I want to talk to you?" Vila couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice; not that he was trying very hard. He was feeling depressed and sorry for himself and he wanted everyone to leave him alone. He wanted Avon to leave him alone.

Avon had to think about Vila's question. He didn't know why Vila would want to talk to him either. He wasn't someone who could help. This was something outside of his experience. It felt strange doing it, but Avon was determined to try; this relationship was important to him.

Deciding that this was going to require a little more creativity and effort on his part, Avon said, "You appear to be having some difficulties lately."

"It took a genius like you to notice that?" asked Vila with a snide tone. "Or did Cally have to tell you?"

Avon wondered if helping someone was supposed to result in being verbally attacked. He decided that it must be his approach with was provoking this reaction. A more direct manner was required. "No one had to tell me. It may be beneficial to talk about it. I'm trying to offer assistance."

"What could you possibly do to help me?" asked Vila angrily. He was intent on pushing everyone away. His voice dripped with cruel sarcasm. "You can't even help yourself. Have you _even noticed_ that there are clothes with colours other than black in your size? Maybe I should come and help you pick some out, shall I? You'll have to wait until after my shift ends though. I mean, not that you're _even capable_ of taking a shift; we've had to take all of _yours_. Argus doesn't think you're able to handle one yet, _does he_?"

Avon didn't react to what Vila was saying; there was no expression on his face. There wasn't anything Vila said that wasn't true. It was a painful reminder of his current condition. He might be able to manage occasionally, even display a flash of his former intelligence now and then, but he was far from being the man he used to be. What occurred this morning had shown him that. He couldn't even handle a conversation with Vila without it turning into something ugly.

In the past he would have returned biting sarcasm with equally nasty remarks; using aggressive wit to augment the emotional walls which shielded him from the daily struggles of living in a hostile galaxy. Because of Servalan, he had learned that walls didn't always protect you from what you fear the most.

Avon got up stiffly. "I should leave you alone." It was no use being here. He only seemed to be making the situation worse.

"Yes, you do that," said Vila dismissively. "And don't come back," he muttered to Avon's retreating back.

Avon's foot reached for the first step that would take him away from this encounter that had gone so badly and thinking that he should stick with things that he was good at; namely anything that didn't require dealing with people. He stopped in mid-step. Avon recognized what Vila was doing; it was something very familiar. He had done it many times himself. Vila was trying to push him away and the best way to do that was to use something that hurt. They were finally touching an area Avon understood. He came back and sat down again.

Vila was glaring at him because of this re-intrusion into his flight deck time.

Avon said, "We agreed that I would stop calling you a fool, but if you insist on acting like one, I will have no choice but to call you one. I know something is wrong. I know you're trying to push me away. You almost did a very good job of it. However, I'm the expert at it, so you won't be able to get rid of me that easily. Now tell me what's wrong."

"When have you ever _**cared**_ about how anyone _**feels**_?" Vila still had a sarcastic attitude; it fit his current mood. Avon's words had not changed that.

"In the past, you would have been right. How people feel has rarely been of concern to me. I have never understood its importance. For me actions didn't just speak louder than words; they were the only language I recognized." Avon paused for a moment as he realized something. "Something is causing you to lash out and to push people away. It is fitting that it should be me."

Vila was both shocked and confused to hear this from Avon. He had been determined to remain angry and miserable but this admission from Avon was the last thing he was expecting. In the old days, Avon would have responded to his jibes with equal hostility; matching each snark with one of his own. It was what Vila had been hoping for. He needed to take his feelings out on someone and Avon had seemed the perfect target; but Avon had not come here for himself, he had come specifically to reach out to Vila.

Avon continued, "I can't say that I fully comprehend it but I know that it's important now. It's important to you. _That_ is why I'm here."

With wariness but no longer any antagonism, Vila asked tentatively, "Are you saying that you _care_?"

Avon fixed him with a steady gaze and said, "Yes."

Vila still couldn't believe his ears. "About me?"

"You _are_ the only other person in this room," said Avon with light amusement at Vila's surprise and bewilderment.

"I don't know what to say." Vila was flabbergasted. Now he felt bad at his earlier words. "I'm sorry about what I said before."

"You were upset. You needed an outlet for your emotions."

"Still doesn't excuse it," said Vila.

"Are you going to tell me why you're acting like this?" asked Avon, getting back to the reason why he was here. It was still something that needed to be resolved.

Vila told him, "I miss the kids."

Avon processed this information but no matter how he tried, he could not understand how missing the children would lead to this kind of aggressive behaviour. He stayed silent, hoping that Vila would explain further.

Fortunately, Vila obliged. "This may sound silly to you but the children love me and I love them. I _really miss them_."

The strength of feeling in Vila's voice touched several chords of memory in Avon's mind. He remembered the nightmare from this morning. He realized that he did know what it felt like to miss someone so much that it hurt; that without them, nothing seemed worthwhile anymore.

_Cally. _

Thoughts of Cally filled his mind. He didn't know what he would do without her, he hoped that he would never have to find out. Those days they had been out of touch had made him realize how much a part of his life she had become and how much he missed her when she was gone. It had filled him with anxiety.

_Anna_.

Against his conscious will, Avon's mind brought up old memories of a love that had been an illusion. He didn't want these memories now, but they refused to let him go; they still haunted his nights and troubled his days at inopportune moments.

No matter how much he regretted it now, Avon could not deny the fact that he once missed Anna like this too.

"I see," said Avon.

"You do?" asked Vila, wondering if this was really Avon or if some alien entity had possessed him.

"You find it surprising?"

"Well…yes," said Vila.

Avon said in a quiet voice, "I missed Anna. And I don't know what I would do if I lost Cally."

"You love them both," said Vila with understanding.

There was a raw honesty when Avon talked about Cally and Anna. "More than my own life."

Vila was touched by the truth in Avon's voice. The last time Avon talked about something this personal was only by necessity. Avon had found out where Anna's killer was and he needed the crew's help and cooperation to set a trap. The details he had revealed about his relationship with Anna showed them a side of Avon that none of them had ever seen before; at the time, it had made him almost seem human.

This time, it was different. Avon didn't need anything from him, but he _was_ offering something.

There was something Vila had to know. "Avon. Do you _still_ love Anna?"

Avon looked away and stared out into empty space. "Sometimes. It's hard to reconcile the Anna I knew with the one in the cellar. I try to convince myself that it's not rational. But…"

"But you're still human," said Vila.

"I'm a fool, Vila."

"It's not foolish being human," said Vila.

"Isn't it?" asked Avon.

"Does Cally know?" Vila asked.

"That I'm a fool? I'm sure she suspects."

"I'm serious, Avon."

"I love Cally. Anything beyond that is unimportant." Avon changed the topic. "Can we address your problem now?"

"There's not a lot we can do about it," said Vila.

"Unless we go back to Kaarn," said Avon.

This talk with Avon had helped Vila put things into perspective. He remembered why he had chosen to leave the children. His responsibility was out here. Being on Kaarn was more for his own needs. There were too many people and aliens who would have evil designs on the children. He had to sacrifice his own needs if he was to help make the galaxy a safer place for them. The only way to make sure of that was to defeat the enemies who would do them harm.

Vila studied the man before him. He had been wondering if Avon had decided how much he was willing to change. Vila had his answer now.

Vila had his own answer too. They were both going to change.

He said to Avon, "No. I have to stay. I have work to do."

Vila realized that it might not be too bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Three

Jenna was trying to hold her temper and her biting remarks as she smiled sweetly and showed personal interest in the Federation inspections officer who had boarded the ship. She was doing very well, the man found it difficult to concentrate on what he was doing. More importantly, he was glossing over some of the more detailed checks he should be doing as part of his job.

_Just flash those pretty teeth and smile. I'll take care of the rest. _Those had been Redden's orders. He was a bearded old smuggler who had been willing to _allow_ her to join his crew. The man was a fool but Jenna didn't have many options, she needed the credits in order to get back to Earth and she needed to build up her resources. Revenge against a man like Avon was going to be expensive.

Jenna's anger flared at the thought of the man who had killed Blake.

The Federation officer looked at her strangely. "Is there something wrong?"

_I have to concentrate on what I'm doing. _She gave the officer an enticing smile, "What could possibly be wrong now that you're here?"

**********

Avon and Argus were having a match of three-dimensional chess in Argus's cabin while they conversed about the situation with Sester.

Avon watched Argus make his next move. "He agreed?"

Argus replied, "Yes. That's what Reya said. She wasn't very pleased at being asked to do it."

Avon glanced at Argus before he moved his own piece. He asked, "Did you clarify the situation with your usual skill?"

Argus asked, "Are you trying to say something?" He followed Avon's move with his own.

Avon said, "As a matter of fact, yes. I've noticed that when you speak to the Commander, the information conveyed is, shall we say, less than ideal." He studied the board; Argus appeared to have shifted his strategy again. "You like doing that, don't you?"

"Only when I'm playing you," said Argus.

Avon responded by moving one of his pieces, "Well, it appears you will have to find another strategy, you have a possibility of losing in six moves with this one."

Argus sighed and studied the board. "Sometimes I wonder why she puts up with me."

"Yes, it is one of the galaxy's great mysteries," said Avon.

"Maybe not the entire galaxy." Argus picked up a piece on the top tier and shifted it to the middle one.

"That's better," said Avon as he assessed Argus's move. "You might only lose in ten moves."

Argus said with light sarcasm, "Lucky me. I only wished that things were easier with Reya."

As the two men continued playing, Avon wondered if he was expected to make a comment. He also wondered how many unhappy people there were on the ship and if he was destined to speak to all of them. Avon decided a little proactive action was required; he should pay more attention to Cally before she also developed this problem.

The game progressed further and Argus's strategy kept forcing Avon to continually adjust his own. They both enjoyed the challenge; it was like a chess game of cat and mouse.

Avon asked, "You're having difficulties with her?" He knew it was a rhetorical question, but it was a direct one.

"I'm the problem. It's not Reya," said Argus. "I'm afraid that if I make her unhappy enough, then I'll be forcing her to go to someone else."

"To Sester?"

"Yes." Argus was filled with self-doubt and worry.

"You're an idiot if you think that. I would not recommend repeating this to her," said Avon.

"I know. Sometimes…I wish that she _would_ choose someone else, and then she'd be much happier."

"She wouldn't. You would both be miserable." Avon may not have understood the confusing complexities of human relationships, but this kind of deep bond he did have experience with, with Anna and now with Cally. He shifted another piece.

"I suppose so," said Argus as he frowned at Avon's latest move.

"Cally has been trying to encourage me to talk to people," said Avon.

"I was wondering why we were having this conversation," said Argus.

"Do I have to say anything else?" asked Avon.

Argus reached out and lay down his king. "No, I know where this is going and you're right, I need to work on my relationship with Reya. Women like to talk about things."

"Good. Another game?" asked Avon. The two men began setting up the pieces again. "Let's get back to the topic of Sester. I'll talk to him but I'm afraid that my natural hostility and suspicions towards him will preclude any unbiased assessment. You have the same problem, as does Cally. We need someone to keep an eye on Sester, who hasn't had any dealings with him yet."

Argus asked, "You're thinking of Vila?" He looked up from the board. "Or have you already asked him to? I _have_ noticed that he's been spending time with Sester."

"Has he?" Avon's eyebrows raised in mild surprise and curiosity. He wondered what Vila was up to. Avon had already warned him about the dangers of dealing with Sester.

Avon made the opening move and Argus immediately countered with his own.

Argus said, "You didn't know?"

Avon said defensively, "I _have_ been somewhat busy." Trust was a work in progress for the two men.

Argus nodded in apology. "You're right. I almost got the impression that Vila was trying to get along with Sester."

Avon said, "That may be useful for our purposes, but only as long as Vila appreciates how dangerous Sester is."

"Yes. Do you think he'll agree?"

"I'll talk to him," said Avon as he picked up his rook and placed it on the middle tier.

"Good."

"There was something else I wanted to discuss. This also concerns Vila."

**********

After the game, Avon went looking for Vila. He knew that Vila usually liked to eat after his shifts and sure enough, Vila was in the dining area. Avon went over to Vila's table and sat down across from him. "We need to talk."

"This _must_ be a record, that's twice in four hours. I'm going to have to start keeping a schedule," said Vila as he shoved some of his food items out of Avon's way.

"Is that ice cream?" asked Avon as he noticed one of the bowls. Unlike Vila, he had not gone through the whole menu of food stuffs that the dispensers were capable of producing. Until now, he had restricted himself to a narrow range of choices; it hadn't seemed important to expand his choices. The daily familiarity had been comforting but he realized that what was reassuring was the lack of choice he had become accustomed to at the detention centre. In many ways, what they had done to him there was still influencing his life. He had gotten used to being a prisoner. Working was not a problem, that was what they had conditioned him to do but personal choices were a different matter. They had tried to destroy his sense of self by controlling his life and environment.

Avon was aware of a faint fear threatening to surface. He hadn't felt it in weeks because he had managed to create a routine that minimized the kinds of stress he couldn't handle yet. He knew that he had to overcome it eventually.

"Close enough. Do you want some?" asked Vila as he moved to get up. Even though it had been slight, Vila recognized the look in Avon's eyes. He had seen it enough times in those first weeks after Avon had been rescued.

Avon got up before Vila did and said, "I can get it." He walked slowly towards the dispensers, like a man who didn't know what he would find when he got to his destination.

Vila didn't know whether to be concerned or not as Avon went to get some ice cream. Sometimes Avon seemed perfectly fine. His mind was functional and his wit, though rarely nasty now, was still as sharp but Vila knew that something as simple as choosing what to eat still produced great stress for him. He wasn't sure how it was possible that someone could handle complex technical problems but still have trouble with the simple things. But, of course, Avon had always been a complicated man.

Avon came back with a bowl containing vanilla ice cream.

"It's not black," said Vila with a teasing grin.

"I couldn't find a liquorice flavoured one," said Avon with a deadpan face.

"Uh…I'm glad." Vila shuddered at the thought of black, liquorice flavoured ice cream.

Avon took a spoonful and tasted it tentatively, it wasn't bad. He ate a few more before addressing why he was there. "Vila, what are you doing with Sester?"

Vila nearly dropped his own spoon, but he managed to ask innocently "Doing? I'm not doing anything with him."

This was a question Vila had hoped that Avon wouldn't ask him. It meant that Avon might suspect what he was up to with Sester. Either Avon had seen him with Sester, or someone had mentioned it to him.

Most people would welcome the help, but Vila knew that Avon wouldn't. He knew that Avon hated the fact that he could no longer function the way he used to; he would see anyone's help as pity. Vila knew he would have to be careful with his answers. He would only reveal the other reason why he had decided to watch Sester.

"Vila." Avon pressed for the truth.

"Alright. Alright. I've talked to him," admitted Vila reluctantly.

"Are you aware of how dangerous he is?" asked Avon.

"Of course I am. You already told me before," said Vila indignantly.

"I also warned you to stay away from him," said Avon.

"Well, I can decide that for myself," said Vila. "I don't need you to tell me."

Avon's eyes narrowed in suspicion at Vila's defensive tone. Vila was trying to hide something, of that he was certain. "Your decision led you to ignore my warnings?" asked Avon.

"You think I'm an idiot because I didn't listen to you," said Vila.

"I didn't say that," said Avon.

"Well, you didn't have to, did you? That's what you were thinking."

"Vila, stop avoiding my questions, I don't want this to become an argument. I need you to watch Sester, but I have to know that you're aware of the dangers." Avon almost sighed. He realized that his own past dealings with people was proving to be a handicap in his attempts at relating with people now.

Vila's mouth opened in astonishment. "You need me? To watch Sester? "

Avon said, "Yes, the rest of us have a less than friendly association with him. You're the only one who doesn't."

"Well, now that you've mentioned it. I was doing that already."

It was Avon's turn to be surprised. "You decided to do this on your own? Why, Vila?"

"I knew that you said he was dangerous. And I knew that you already had too many things to do. I wanted to help."

"Dealing with Sester is more than just _help_, Vila."

"I know. Like you said, the Federation tried to condition me to be someone who is easily led and who is afraid all the time. I want to change that. I wanted to see if I could do something on my own."

"Alright. But be careful."

"Don't worry, I plan to be."

**********

After arriving at Borel's headquarters on Zirgon, Argus and Reya immediately went to see Kameron Reve. They were waiting outside of the official chambers.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you?" Argus asked her. There was a concerned look on his face. Neither one of them knew what Kameron's reaction would be to finding out the truth about the woman whom he had loved to the point of obsession.

"I have to do this alone," said Reya. She had an air of quiet resolve. The door opened and they could see the formidable figure of Kameron Reve sitting at the far end, surrounded by a mixed group of civilians and military officials. Reya squared her shoulders and went inside. The officials all filed out, greeting her as they passed. One of the people exiting the room was the young General.

The door closed again.

"Commander, it's good to see you again," said Borel.

"General. It's good to see you as well." Argus was only half paying attention to the conversation. His ears were straining to hear what was going on through the closed door.

Borel noticed his preoccupation and asked, "Is there something wrong?"

At that moment there were sounds of a male voice shouting in anger from inside the room. Argus moved forward to open the door but Borel put his hand on the other man's arm, holding him back.

Borel said, "You don't have to worry about Reya. She can take care of herself. Always has. Now tell me what happened. Where is Galena?"

Argus told him everything about the woman who had tricked them all.

Afterwards, a thoughtful Borel said, "I thought there was something wrong with that woman. Kam was acting so strangely."

"Yes. She was able to manipulate men because of her abilities," said Argus.

"Kameron must be livid," said Borel as he glanced at the door. They could still hear Kameron Reve's angry voice. Intermittently, they could also hear Reya's also loud but much calmer and more controlled voice. The thickness of the door and walls prevented them from hearing anything more than muffled words.

"But will he believe it?" Argus wondered out loud.

He said, "You have to trust Reya. Kameron is no match for her. None of us ever were."

"I know she can take care of herself. If she were trying to." Argus was still very worried.

Borel said, "Well, if anyone can make Kameron see reason, it's Reya."

Argus said, "She feels guilty about what happened and she still blames herself for Vanora's death. Even though it wasn't her fault."

Borel sighed. "Yes, she has a tendency to do that. Guilt is an overriding theme with my sister. You're afraid that she'll take on the responsibility and not explain it properly to Kameron?"

"Yes." Argus wished he was in the room with Reya and her angry brother.

They both continued listening until the sounds of angry shouting finally died down. After awhile, the door opened again and Kameron motioned them inside. He didn't look happy but he appeared to be calmer.

Argus went over to stand by Reya's side. He looked at her and then at Kameron, trying to assess how things went. Reya didn't seem any different than when she had entered the room. She looked at him and gave him an imperceptible nod. That meant that things were going to be fine. Argus breathed a sigh of relief.

Kameron addressed Argus, "I knew you were going to be trouble when you pledged with Reya."

Argus asked with shocked surprise, "Sir?" He glanced sharply at Reya. His look clearly conveyed, _I thought you said things were going to be alright? _Reya shrugged.

Kameron said in a strict tone, "Just how many of our soldiers do you plan to steal?"

Argus realized this must be another example of Reve humour. He asked, "So you're fine about what happened with Vanora?"

Kameron replied, "Fine? No. But as Reya pointed out, quite forcefully and numerous times, I have to face the facts."

"Yes, she can be forceful," said Argus. He glanced quickly at Reya to make sure she wasn't going to poke him with her elbow for saying that. She looked at him but didn't do anything.

Borel said, "You're a brave man, Argus."

"Brave isn't quite the word I would use," said Reya acidly.

Argus grinned at her in apology. He said to Kameron, "As for the soldiers, I was going to broach you on that matter."

He explained the request of Lieutenant Dain and the soldiers.

Kameron asked, "You believe that the lives of these children will be in danger if the aliens find out they're still alive?"

Argus said, "Yes. If they're able to create a psi-enabled army that has the ability to influence or control the actions of humans..."

"Like Galena did, with me? Yes, you're right. That is a danger we cannot afford." Kameron's face was full of regret and sadness. "Do you know if she was working with Ellis and the aliens from the beginning? Even when she first met me?"

Reya knew this was a question Kameron needed to know the answer to. Unfortunately, no one had one for him. She replied, "We haven't been able to determine that. Vanora was not very forthcoming about her role in what happened. She did seem shocked at the discovery of the children, but we all know that she's an accomplished actress. It's hard to know what was real with her or not."

Argus added, "There may be one way to find out. Avon was able to download some files from the research complex. He hasn't had time to break the encryption on them yet."

Kameron said sadly, "I'm not sure I want to know." He paced the room in thought as they waited. "Very well. The children are important. The men on Kaarn can stay. If the Auronar need anything else in terms of resources or soldiers, let them know that we will be glad to offer assistance."

Argus responded, "That's very generous of you, sir. I will convey your offer to the Aurons."

Kameron said, "The children are innocent victims in all of this and from what you've said, they're nothing like Galena."

Reya said, "They seem to have naturally sweet dispositions. In a way they are very much like the Vanora we first met. But in the children's case, it appears to be real."

Kameron said, "Well I hope the Aurons will be able to raise them properly."

Argus asked, "Have you decided on Dain's request?"

Kameron said. "They can remain with you." He took on a sterner tone. "But don't make it a habit."

Argus said, "Yes, sir." He really had no idea why Reya's brother always made him feel like a junior lieutenant.

Kameron asked, "When are the two of you getting bonded?"

Argus nearly choked at the unexpected question. "Well, we…"

Reya said, "That's none of your business, Kam."

Kameron said mischievously, "But I'm only thinking of you. It's time he made a more serious commitment."

Reya knew her brother's sense of humour and was not going to take any nonsense from him. "Leave Argus alone."

Kameron grinned. "You're no fun, Reya."

**********

Servalan listened with great interest as Senior Controller Tarvin from Central Security gave her his report from the vidscreen on her desk.

She asked, "When was the signal intercepted?"

"Several hours ago. I contacted you right away when I saw the report." Servalan had left standing orders that anything connected to Avon and the _Justice_ be forwarded to her immediately. "What do you want done, Madame President?"

Servalan's mind was imagining all of the useful things that could be done with this piece of information. She said, "Let the signal get through."

"But Madame President, this is the perfect opportunity to neutralize…" Tarvin began objecting but Servalan cut him off.

"There are more important objectives than ridding the Federation of a few minor troublemakers."

"I wouldn't call…"

Servalan cut him off again, "You have my orders, Tarvin."

"Very well, Madame President."

Servalan shut off her vidscreen and smiled thoughtfully. She missed Avon; it was going to be exciting to play with him again. Servalan looked forward to having fun with all of her men.

Chapter Four

"This had better be important. It's _my_ day off!" Vila grumbled to himself as he went to the flight deck. He had been absorbed in studying specs from a new type of electronic locking mechanism when Argus had requested his presence. Vila loved the intricate ones. This one was proving to be quite a challenge and Vila didn't appreciate being interrupted.

There didn't seem to be any general danger but Argus had been very insistent that he drop what he was doing and come immediately. He hadn't explained why. Vila grumbled again.

When he arrived at the flight deck, everyone was already there, those Argus called the command crew. Avon was leaning against Cally's flight chair as they conversed together. Argus and Reya were arranging items on the table. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned towards Vila as he came down the steps.

Vila looked around in confusion. There was a feast laid out. It looked like real food, not the stuff that came from the dispensers. If this was an unannounced party, it was the kind of interruption that he wouldn't mind at all.

Vila asked cheerfully, "What's going on? Are we having a party? What's the occasion?"

Avon walked towards him and said, "A birthday."

Vila asked, "Whose birthday is it?"

Avon replied, "Yours."

Vila's jaw dropped open in surprise. "Mine?"

Avon said, "Yes. We're somewhat late but the sentiment is genuine. Happy Birthday, Vila."

Vila remembered that it _had_ been his birthday a week ago. He'd almost forgotten. He hadn't had anyone to celebrate with in such a long time that he usually let it pass; until it had become a day just like any other day. On a ship it was even easier. The artificial days and nights were so monotonously the same that unless you made a real effort, even the days of the Federation standard week were hard to distinguish. Everything tended to run according to the duty schedules.

Vila was still flabbergasted, "I don't know what to say." Everyone gathered around the table where the food had been laid. The aromas were enticing.

Vila could barely contain himself, it all looked so delicious and it had all been prepared for him.

Reya said, "I had my brother's kitchens prepare it especially for you. The food is all natural. None of it is synthesized."

"This is amazing! I've never had a feast _full_ of real food before!" Vila was beside himself with joy and without warning, hugged her.

Reya was startled but smiled and hugged him back. "You're welcome. The idea for the celebration was Avon's. He's the one who planned it."

Vila turned in surprise to Avon, "This was your idea?"

Avon almost seemed to look embarrassed. He said, "Sometimes actions and words are more effective when they're combined."

Vila smiled and as he was in a hugging mood, he hugged Avon. "Yes, they are. Thank you, Avon!"

For a moment, Avon looked embarrassed at the unfamiliar gesture from someone other than Cally, but he relaxed and a slow, almost shy smile spread across his face. "You're welcome." It was such a strange and unfamiliar look on Avon's face that they all stared at him, making him feel even more uncomfortable.

Argus said, "We've all prepared something to give you, Vila."

"Presents!" exclaimed Vila with delight as Argus handed him a package.

With almost trembling fingers, Vila carefully removed the wrapping. Inside was a dark brown satchel. When he undid the clasp and opened it up, it spread out to reveal an assortment of tools, each neatly in its own compartment.

Argus explained, "I had one of the engineers from Athol find this for me. It's a kit like yours but much more compact and there are some special tools that I understand are normally very hard to obtain."

Vila pulled out several of the instruments and studied them closely. "With these I can break into anything! I bet…" His eyes were wide with the possibilities. There was one special tool he was certain would be very useful with the new locking mechanism he had been studying earlier. "I can't wait to use this! Thank you!"

"I'll try to find something suitably challenging for you to play with on our next mission," said Argus with a grin.

Next was Reya's turn. She picked up a long, black metal tube from the couch and gave it to him. "Happy Birthday, Vila."

Vila took it eagerly and removed the lid from one end. He shook out several rolled up pieces of flexible but strong paper-like material. Vila's breath caught in his throat as he unrolled them to reveal several drawings of the children they had rescued. Each was lovingly rendered in soft pastel colours. One scene was of himself performing magic tricks for the children. Vila was stunned. He blinked back tears, not wanting to them to fall on the precious drawings.

"Thank you so much!" This time Vila wrapped his arms around Reya, and kissed her on the cheek. "You're not scary at all," he said as he let go of her.

"Not today," agreed Reya. They both smiled.

It appeared to be Avon's turn as they all turned their heads towards him.

Avon said, "I don't have a package for you."

Vila tried to not sound disappointed. "You've already done a lot arranging this birthday for me, Avon. Thank you."

Avon said, "My present is something that couldn't be wrapped. I have to show it to you."

They were all intrigued as Avon went to his flight station and entered some commands. He said, "Watch the main view screen."

They all turned to look at it. On the screen appeared an official looking display.

**Federation Central Registration Bureau**

User Access Code and Encrypted Data Stream required.

Enter Access Code: __________

"This will only take a few moments." Avon began working on the panel in front of him. Before anyone could ask what Avon was doing, he had already gained access to the system. Screen after screen of library and archive listings appeared.

They all looked at each other with puzzled expressions on their faces. Even though it did not show on his face, Cally could sense that Avon was excited and happy about what he was doing.

They all reacted in surprise when Vila's face appeared on the screen. A much younger Vila. "Hey, that's me!" He unconsciously ran his fingers through his own much thinner hair. "That's my Federation file. What are you doing with my file?" He asked nervously.

"Don't worry," said Avon reassuringly. The screen view changed from the picture to another screen.

Name: Restal, Vila

Place of Birth: Earth Sector, Central Dome West

Privilege Grade: Alpha

Vila stared hard at the screen and then he rubbed his eyes. They all seemed to have the same need but the screen still read the same.

Argus asked, "Vila, have you been an Alpha in disguise all along and didn't tell the rest of us?"

Vila said in bewilderment, "No."

At the same time, Avon said, "Yes." They all stared at him.

Vila asked, "Avon, did you do this?"

Avon looked self-conscious at the attention being directed at him. "Yes. The Federation Grading System is an obsolete method of classification that fails to recognize the true value of the people it tries to categorize. I took the liberty of making a correction to your details. If you're agreed, this will become part of your permanent record."

Vila said, "It's not that the Grade is that important to me. But since you've gone to all that trouble…"

"You wouldn't want to disappoint me? That's very thoughtful of you," said Avon with an amused smile.

"That's me. Thoughtful is my middle name," said Vila.

"That doesn't appear to be on your permanent record. Would you like me to add it?" asked Avon, putting his fingers on the controls in front of him.

"Don't you dare!" said Vila with mock warning.

Everyone laughed. They were all relaxed and enjoying this time together.

After Avon concluded what he needed to do, the screen returned to the star field.

Cally spoke up and said, "My gift is also something that couldn't be wrapped. But neither is it something that you can see."

Vila wondered what it could possibly be.

*_ Can you hear me, Vila? _* Cally's voice spoke in his mind.

Vila responded in surprise, it was as if she was talking right next to his ear. "Yes, I can hear you."

Cally said, "Good. When I talk to Avon like this, we discovered that the children could follow my connection to him and talk to him too, even over long distances. With their combined powers, they are capable of a much greater range than even the most powerful Auronar. We are at the outer limits of their current reach but they can still communicate with us. That is my gift to you."

"That's wonderful, Cally! Thank you!" Vila gave her a great hug. Tears were threatening to escape again. As Cally hugged him back, there was an expression of fondness on her face.

Argus said, "Often we get so busy with our lives and agendas that we forget to appreciate the people around us."

Vila let go of Cally and turned to listen.

Argus continued, "You're an important member of this team, Vila. You make a valuable contribution with your skills and you have a common sense and perspective that the rest of us don't. You're quick witted and you ease the tensions with your gift of laughter. You make this a more complete team. But beyond that, you are also a friend. And as a friend, I would like to extend our best wishes." He leaned down and took a glass of clear golden liquid from the table; the others did the same.

They all followed Argus as he lifted his glass to offer a toast. "To Vila, a valued friend and team mate. May you live to see your dreams realized and to be able to enjoy them."

**********

After the celebration was over, all of the food had been eaten and drinks imbibed, Cally and Vila retired to his room. Vila took the sketches Reya had given to him and unrolled them onto the table.

Cally said, "I only have to contact the children and give them a direction to your mind. They will be able to do the rest themselves."

Vila asked with surprise, "You don't have to be here?"

"No. The ability to do this lies with the children. I only help them get a location fix on your mind. Are you ready?"

Vila nodded. He was both excited and nervous.

Cally said, "Then sit down and relax." They both sat next to each other.

*_ Can you hear me, Vila? _*

"Yes. Loud and clear. Wait a minute; I know they can talk to me with their psi abilities. You've done that before, but will I be able to talk to them?"

Cally smiled, "Yes. That is an ability the children have that I don't. They can pick up thoughts from your mind."

Vila asked with alarm," You mean, they can read minds?" He was really looking forward to being able to communicate with the children but the thought they might be able to know all of his thoughts was disturbing.

Cally said reassuringly, "So far, they do not seem to be able to. They are only able to read surface thoughts. They cannot go deeper."

Vila said nervously, "So far?"

Cally had started exploring the breadth of the children's when she was working with them on Kaarn. What she found had constantly amazed her. "There is no knowing how far their abilities will grow as they mature."

Vila said, "I'm glad we rescued them. We couldn't leave them to the aliens."

"I'm going to contact the children now." Cally closed her eyes and concentrated.

_* Brina, _* Cally projected her thoughts with as much force as she was capable of.

It didn't take long for an answering response, the children were already waiting.

_* Auntie Cally! _* the young voice was excited and full of joy. *_ Is Uncle Vila there? _* Cally could 'hear' intermittent chatter from the other children.

Cally responded, * _Yes. He's here. Do you remember what I said before? _*

Brina said, *_ Yes, Auntie Cally. We won't forget. Uncle Vila is like Uncle Avon, we will not scare him. _*

*_ You're good children. _* Cally touched Vila's hand and projected to him. *_ Vila, the children are here. If you wish to speak to them, just think the words consciously in your mind. You can verbalize the words if that will help you. _*

Vila's eyes took on a faraway look as he tried to remember the children's faces. He said tentatively, "Children?"

*_ Happy Birthday Uncle Vila! We're so glad to hear you! We miss you so much! _*

Trying not to disturb Vila's time with the children, Cally got up silently and headed to the door. Before exiting, she turned to look at Vila, to make certain that things were going smoothly before she left. She smiled as he picked up one of the sketches and looked at it lovingly as he continued speaking to the far away children. He seemed to need to verbalize his words. She suspected it was a human thing, communication needed to be tangible for them.

Cally smiled softly to herself. She was glad that Avon lived more in his head than most Earth people. Mental communication seemed to come naturally to him.

Seeing that everything was more than fine, Cally left quietly.

**********

Without giving any warning, Avon used his override command to open Sester's door. It slid open to reveal Sester rubbing a towel through his damp hair. Sester's eyes widened slightly in surprise at seeing Avon and then he smiled. "You know, one of these days you're going to do that and I might not be dressed."

Avon's lips curled in an unpleasant smile, "If you don't like the circumstances of your stay on this ship, you could always leave."

There was still a friendly smile on Sester's face as he dropped the towel on the table and sat down. "One of these days, you _will_ reach the limits of what I'm willing to accept from you."

Avon sneered sarcastically. "Is that meant to be a threat?"

"Just a friendly piece of information," said Sester.

Avon's tone became deadly cold. "I doubt I will reach your limit before _you_ reach _mine_."

The psychostrategist's casual affability was in sharp contrast to Avon's barely disguised hostility. Without any indication of concern, Sester said, "Now that _does_ sound like a threat."

Avon stared daggers at his nemesis, the man who had tortured him without mercy. He was not going to be able to rest until this man and the woman whom he served were dead. At times when Avon stared into Sester's ever friendly face, he had an involuntary shiver of fear. This man was always most dangerous when he was being pleasant. Avon hated that he had this reaction; he could not afford any weakness when facing Sester.

Avon said, "I like to be clear. I would hate for you to have any doubts."

They watched each other carefully, two wary opponents looking for an opening to press their advantage.

"How thoughtful of you," said Sester. "Why are you here, Avon? I don't think my arm has recovered from the little lesson you gave me the last time you were here so I would appreciate if we keep the pain to a minimum."

Avon said with controlled hostility, "I will give you the same consideration you gave to me."

At Avon's words, Sester had a brief flash of guilt and an unbidden image came to his mind; Avon moaning in agony in the isolation chamber, pushed beyond the point of exhaustion because Sester would not let him rest.

Sester said with resignation, "Do what you came here to do, Avon." Unconsciously he touched the tracer bracelet on his wrist.

Avon said angrily, "Do you think that accepting torture from me will absolve you of any guilt in what you and Servalan did to me?"

Sester sighed. "Like you, I'm a realist. I know nothing will. But I know that it will make _you_ feel better, _temporarily_."

Avon spat out an angry, "Don't try to manipulate _me_, Sester."

"That was not my intention," said Sester.

"You expect me to believe that?" Avon asked cynically.

"It happens to be the truth."

"Truth to you is just a piece in a game. You use it when you think it will produce the effect you want," said Avon.

Sester said, "Normally what you say is true. I don't deny it. Except when I feel that I owe you the truth."

Avon said challengingly, "Then tell me what Servalan's plans are."

Sester paused and then he burst out laughing. "Not that kind of truth. I was referring to a more personal honesty. Now _who_ is trying to manipulate _whom_ here?"

Avon took the small control unit for the tracer bracelet from his pocket. Sester asked, "Are you going to try to torture me for the information?"

"It is tempting," said Avon, holding the unit while a menacing smile spread across his face, one that did not touch his eyes. "But Servalan might consider it a breaking of our agreement."

Sester said half jokingly, "Yes, the President does prefer to do that type of thing herself."

Avon glowered at the reminder. He knew only too well the kinds of things Servalan liked to do personally. Avon demanded, "Leave the Commander alone."

"Ah. That's why you're here." Sester was puzzled. He was almost certain that Avon and Argus had been behind Reya's request to keep the information about the children and the Aurons secret. He asked mischievously, "Which Commander?"

It was most likely that Avon wanted to introduce some doubt about what had occurred. They wanted to keep their unwanted guest off-balance. Sester almost smiled, this kind of tactic didn't work against a psychostrategist, not when he knew all of the players involved. It was a game of cat and mouse, with each one vying to be the cat.

Avon lifted the control unit up and said, "Guess."

Sester said, "Of course. Are all of our conversations going to be like this?"

"Yes."

Sester laughed again. "I have always appreciated your honesty, Avon."

For the first time since Avon entered the cabin, Sester became serious, "I also have a piece of honesty for you. You cannot get rid of me that easily, Avon. Neither one of us has a choice on whether I stay or not."

"We shall see," said Avon. He shoved the small control unit back into his pocket and left.

As Avon walked back to his own cabin, he stopped and extended a hand out towards the wall for support. He felt drained and his whole body was tight with tension.

_Neither one of us has a choice on whether I stay or not. _

Avon's hand curled into a fist and he hit the wall in anger and frustration. He refused to feel helplessness again. He leaned against the wall and tried to rest. _Can't let Cally know._ He didn't want her to worry about him, she was already worried enough.

At least one thing had been achieved; the stage had been set for Vila's work.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Five

Cally held Avon in her arms as he recovered from another nightmare. She could still feel the continued stress of his body as his mind tried to banish the images and the sensations that seemed so real moments ago. It was happening with greater frequency now. This was the second time this week.

She was afraid for him and she felt helpless. He was fighting a battle that they were both afraid he would eventually lose. It was only a matter of time before the drugs failed completely.

The only thing Cally could do was to try to give him comfort and reassurance, to be there for him when he needed her. She wished that she could at least share the nightmares with him so that he wouldn't have to face them alone.

Through her connection to Avon, she was able to experience a small taste of what he had to endure. The feelings she picked up from him were the strongest when he was in the grip of the nightmares. It was as if he had no defense against them. She suspected it was another thing Servalan had done to him in order to prevent him from fighting her. Her hatred of this woman grew.

Sometimes, after Avon's nightmares, for a brief moment, there would be a naked vulnerability in his eyes before he regained control again; then he would see her and the pain and dark despair would slowly fade and be replaced by a fearful, hesitant hope. Sometimes he would almost be suicidal when he emerged from the dreams and she would have to talk to him until he calmed down and his normal character reasserted itself.

Though he never showed it, Cally knew that the fear of the nightmares still haunted him when he was awake. They were never far below the surface. Some days he was barely holding on; trying to be the Avon they all expected. He had asked her not to tell the others about his deteriorating condition and she had respected his need to act as if everything was fine. She knew that the burden of the others' pity would be too much for him to handle on top of everything else.

Avon's hoarse voice interrupted her thoughts. "Cally." His eyes were open now and he was looking at her. She could see the hope there as well as a soft affection and gratitude. It filled her with joy to see the love reflected in his eyes; she just wished it had been under better circumstances.

Cally hugged him tighter. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Avon looked away from Cally's eyes but he tightened his arms around her. The warmth and softness of her body against his own helped to ease the tensions. "I wish I didn't feel anything." He realized how it sounded and said, "Except for what I feel for you."

Cally smiled softly at his sentiment but she was also full of concern. "It might be better if you don't, at least until we can do something about the nightmares. There are some drugs…"

Avon's serious eyes sought out hers. "No, Cally."

"But, Avon…"

Avon he touched his fingers to her lips and said, "I will not lose how I feel for you. I will not deny you that. No matter what happens."

Cally said, "I don't want you to suffer. Not for me."

The gravity in Avon's eyes reminded her of someone who had counted the remainder of his days and was determined not to miss any of them. With dismay, she realized that he had resigned himself to losing the fight. She said fervently, "You _can't_ give up, Avon."

He said, "I'm not giving up, but I will not give you up. I used to push people away because I didn't want to feel. Allowing myself to experience the positive feelings meant leaving myself open to the negative ones. I was willing to deny one in order to avoid the others but I will not do that any longer, even if it means facing the nightmares with all of my feelings intact. You're too important to me, Cally."

"No, Avon. The important thing is that I know how you feel about me. This will just be temporary and you can feel them again after we find you help."

"What if we don't? We have to face the realities, Cally. And the reality is that there is no way to reverse what was done to me. My condition will continue to worsen. There is no reprieve. There is no cure. I do not want to waste this time we have together."

"I can't believe that there is nothing that will help you." She refused to believe it.

"The sentiment does not replace the reality." His words were the voice of reason even though his heart wanted to join her in the irrational belief.

"I don't care about the reality! The _reality_ is _wrong_," she said emphatically and unreasonably.

Avon caressed her cheek gently and sought the more intimate communication of their minds. * _Let me do this for you, Cally. I don't want your last memory of me to be of someone who succumbed to the madness but of someone who loved you enough to endure it. _*

_* That's your pride talking. How do you think it will make me feel to know that you were suffering because of me? _*

_* This was Servalan's doing, Cally. Not yours. She thought she gave me no choices except her own. Servalan wants me to suffer for her; to be in pain or to become the machine she tried to make me into. Either one would serve her purposes. She thinks she can continue to control my life, but she's wrong. I will make my own choice. I choose to suffer for you; not for her amusement. _*

*_ No, Avon. Not for me. I'm not worth it. _* She hugged him tighter, trying not to cry.

*_ You are to me. _*

Cally reverted to spoken communication. "Avon, this isn't logical. It makes no sense for you to do this. Acting on sentiment when it hurts you is not rational."

A soft amused smile appeared on Avon's face. "You're using reason to convince me not to act on sentiment?"

Cally tried to grasp onto anything she could to convince him to help himself. "What happened to the man who said that sentiment is a weakness? It's against your own survival instinct. I _want_ you to survive, Avon. You won't if you keep making decisions like this."

"I cannot survive without you." Avon recognized that she was acting on sentiment too. Cally was thinking of him, just as he was thinking of her.

"But you wouldn't be without me, Avon. This is just the temporary suspension of your body's reaction to having emotions. We do this in medicine for physical pain. We numb the area so you won't feel anything but it's not permanent."

"Life without feeling is an empty thing, Cally. You know this. It becomes little more than an intellectual exercise. You deserve more than that. Despite all of the things Servalan did to me, there is one thing I am grateful to her for. I learned that simply surviving is not enough. When I was alone in my cell at the detention centre, it wasn't my instinct for survival that gave me a reason to continue fighting; it was the knowledge that you were still alive. It meant a great deal to me. You mean a great deal to me."

When Cally looked into Avon's eyes, she was stunned by the raw honesty reflected there. More than anything else, it increased her desire for him to get better.

"Avon. Would you do this if I asked you to? Would you take the drugs?"

He replied, "You are asking me to do this because of sentiment?"

"You mean a great deal to me too, Avon. I refuse to see you suffer because of me."

Avon knew that Cally was not thinking clearly, that her own sentiment was clouding her judgement. It was one of the weaknesses of allowing emotions to get a hold of you. Avon wondered if it was possible to be emotionally logical, to have the feelings but to not lose the perspective. He hadn't seen it yet but he wondered if he could find a way to be both.

Avon could see the resolve of the warrior on Cally's face. She didn't want him to feel the horror of the nightmares. It was the only thing she could think of now.

Avon said, "I will do it for you."

**********

"Don't open your eyes yet," said Reya as she led a closed-eyed Argus to the cargo bay that had once served as a makeshift nursery.

"Where are you bringing me?" asked Argus as he held onto her arm. His sense of direction and position already told him that they were most likely headed towards one of the cargo bays.

"We're almost there." She activated the door panel and led him inside. "You can open your eyes now."

Argus opened his eyes and looked around him. As he suspected, it was the cargo bay. The baby paraphernalia had been cleared and there were various storage boxes and assorted items piled in different configurations. "Reya, this is not really a surprise. I've seen this cargo bay before." He teased her. "Did you clean it up? Now that _would_ be a surprise."

Reya gave him a mock punch to the arm.

"Ow. That hurts."

"Good." On a crate next to her lay half a dozen pistols. She picked one up and brought it up towards him.

Argus held up his hand, "Now, now, Reya. I know that was a bad attempt at humour, but it wasn't _that_ bad."

"You are _very_ bad. You should take lessons from Vila," said Reya. She flipped the gun in her hand and extended it grip first to him.

Argus grinned and took it from her. He turned it over in his hands and saw that it was not a standard pistol. It wasn't one he was familiar with. "What's this for?"

Reya didn't answer him. Instead she went to a side control console and entered several commands. The lights in the cargo bay dimmed.

"Is this meant to be romantic?" asked Argus, hoping he hadn't missed any clues. The gun was puzzling.

Without warning a Federation trooper appeared from the menacing shadows behind one of the storage crates. "Reya! Watch out!" Argus shouted and simultaneously fired two bursts at the black-clad figure. The soldier fell from direct hits to the chest.

Reya said with approval, "Very good." She calmly entered another command into the panel in front of her and the soldier disappeared.

Argus asked with amazement, "It was a hologram?"

"It's not as sophisticated as the ones on Pleasure City but it will do for our purposes," said Reya. She had been working with Avon to set up this practice range as a surprise.

Argus looked at the pistol in his hand again and said with understanding. "This must be a modified laser pistol. Used for training purposes."

"Yes." She walked over to him. "I thought you might like it."

A big smile appeared on Argus's face. "I love it." He put his free arm around her. "This _is_ romantic."

Reya rolled her eyes in mock disapproval. "The range will be useful to keep the crew sharp and to increase marksmanship. It can also be used for running training scenarios."

Argus said suggestively, "Of _course_. It's romantic _and_ functional."

"You're hopeless." She smiled and picked up another training pistol. "How about a little romance?"

Argus grinned and lifted his. "I thought you would never ask."

**********

Jenna was getting impatient at the slow pace of her plans. Being stuck with Redden was proving to be a liability. The man was too adverse to risk; he refused to take on more lucrative cargo. Often Redden had them acting more as a couriering service for safer goods, ones that only resulted in a fine at best. Jenna wouldn't have called him a smuggler at all.

They were currently in the midst of another argument. One of many she had had with him since he'd taken her onboard.

Redden said tiredly, "Jen, I don't want to talk about this anymore. If you want to get rich quicker then maybe you're be better off with another crew. I've been doing this along time and I know what works for me. I know what I want and what you're proposing isn't it." Jenna had been using Jen Blade as an alias for the past few months.

"Maybe I should," said Jenna. She knew that Redden was a good man but he was not proving to be a useful enough one.

"You're very talented Jen. A natural. You have good instincts. You would be more successful with someone else." In a crew of old-timers, Jenna was out of place. She was driven and intelligent. At times Redden felt as if they were holding her back. "I'll speak to some of my contacts. See if there's another crew that's looking for people."

"Thank you. You're a good man, Redden. I _am_ grateful that you took me on without any references," said Jenna. "Are any of your contacts willing to take on more lucrative cargo?"

Jenna had something in mind; it was something she wished she didn't. In the past, she would never have traded in Shadow but times were different now and Blake had taught her that some principles were worth sacrificing as long as your goals were just.

Killing Avon would be a great justice. Making him suffer first would be a personal justice. Jenna smiled in eager anticipation.

The predatory smile sent a shiver down Redden's spine. He was afraid to ask what she was smiling about; he hoped it wasn't anything to do with him.

**********

Servalan was frustrated that her plans were not working out for Avon. She had her assistant contact Senior Controller Tarvin again.

When Central Security Controller appeared on her vidscreen, Servalan immediately asked, "What is he doing? Why hasn't he tried to contact Avon again?"

Tarvin reported, "Our people did hit them fairly hard. Their communications equipment may have been damaged."

"I want him to contact Avon," said Servalan.

"I understand that, Madame President. But I don't know what you think what we can do about it if their equipment prevents them from doing what you want. It's not as if we can march up to them and give them replacement equipment."

"You _are_ a Senior Controller, are you not? I expect a little more initiative from someone who works for Central Security." There was a veiled threat covered by a thin veneer of polite professionalism.

"Very well, Madame President," said Tarvin.

Servalan cut the communications channel abruptly. If Sester had been there, she was certain that he would have thought of a way. Sometimes she regretted tasking him to join the _Justice_. What she really needed was two of him. She wondered if she could get a temporary replacement while he was away.

**********

Sester sat alone in the dining area reading a news file and enjoying a quiet cup of tea and a light snack. It was one of the few times the room was empty.

Vila walked in, saw him and without saying anything walked over to the dispensers. He ordered a cup of tea and a few light sandwiches and then went to a table nearby.

The two of them sat in silence, each absorbed in what they were doing. Vila appeared to be studying diagrams of some type on a data pad but Sester couldn't make out what they were.

Both of them were naturally social and the quiet didn't last long. Sester remarked, "You're unusually quiet." His face was open and friendly.

Vila looked up from the diagrams and said guardedly, "So are you."

"Normally you're attempting to strike up a conversation or trying to see what I'm up to. Is it your day off today?" asked Sester with a light note of cynicism which contrasted with his genial manner.

"I have better things to do," said Vila dismissively as he returned his attentions to the diagrams.

"Well, I don't," said Sester. "There isn't much scope for someone of my talents on this ship."

"I don't know about that. I understand that you've been _very_ busy with your _talents_," remarked Vila without looking up.

Sester gave him an unconcerned and pleasant smile. "You must be talking to Avon. Or Argus. Or both of them. They always think I'm up to something."

Vila looked up and said, "Maybe it's because you are."

Sester laughed. He was enjoying this exchange. "Did they send you to find out?"

Vila said, "They don't include me in their plans unless they need me to open a lock or break into something. And they never tell me anything unless they think I need to know it." There was just a hint of bitterness in his voice. Vila was very good at this kind of act, he had lived the reality of it most of his life.

Sester was very familiar with this attitude from the lower grades. They wore their resentment like a second skin. "Alpha snobbery making you feel left out?" asked Sester.

"You're no better than them. You're an Alpha too," said Vila.

"I'm even worse than that. Psychostrategists are a special kind of Alpha; we have equal disdain for everyone. No Grades are spared; not even the highest ones. We're very fair-minded."

"Then why are you talking to me?" asked Vila.

"There is one type of person we do have a regard for, people who can provide a challenge."

"_I'm_ a challenge?" asked Vila in a perplexed tone.

"Not in the way that Avon is but yes, you're definitely a puzzle, Vila."

_Avon was right, you can't resist someone you can't figure out._ "Not sure I like the sound of that," said Vila uneasily.

"You should understand the desire to solve puzzles. Isn't that why you study those?" Sester pointed to the diagram of an intricate lock on Vila's data pad. "My puzzles are people and their interactions together. I like to understand them."

"You mean, you like to manipulate them," said Vila.

Sester grinned at the directness. "As a means to an end, yes. Similar to what you do with a lock. Only the venue is different."

"Well, when you put it like that, I suppose we do have something in common," said Vila.

Sester asked, "Do you play chess?"

It was the opening gambit to something that could prove to be more interesting.

Trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice, Vila replied, "I have been known to."

Chapter Six

Jenna and Redden were waiting at a table in a bustling bar on Caretan in Sector Seven. Redden had found someone who was willing to take a look at her as a possible replacement pilot. Redden brought his mug of beer his lips and took a drink as he studied her with interest. He asked, "Why are you in such a hurry, Jen?"

"I don't know what you mean," said Jenna guardedly as she also took a sip of her beer. For safety reasons, she had always avoided talking about herself. There was still a price on her head from the old days. Most people would find it too much of a temptation. Others would use it as leverage over her.

"I know that young people like to get ahead. You want to do things fast. Make your mark. But it's different with you. You're…driven. That's the only way I can describe it."

"It's none of your business," said Jenna. Her tone shut down any further questions.

"Yes, I know. I'm a nosy old smuggler. But, you see, even that's odd. You've been with us for weeks, but I still don't know anything about you. I know that you came without references. That means that you're in trouble with someone and you don't want anyone to know who you really are. I can appreciate that. Most of us are in trouble somewhere and none of us uses our real names; but you carry it to the extreme. You must have something very big to hide."

Jenna said, "Then it's a good thing that I'm leaving you. I'll become someone else's problem."

"What I'm afraid of is that you'll be your own biggest problem," said Redden.

"You know nothing about me," said Jenna defensively.

"Yes, I know." Redden looked sadly at this closed woman. "And from the looks of it, I never will. One thing I do know is that I like you, and I don't want to see you waste your life doing something that will get you caught or killed."

Jenna could see that he meant her no harm. If things had been different, she may have been content staying with Redden's group. She had been like him at one time but he was right, something more important was driving her. Her manner softened a bit. "Thanks for your concern but you don't need to worry about me. I can take care of myself."

Redden guessed that there was nothing he could say that would change her mind. "Yes, I know that too. You're a capable and tough woman, Jen. I wish you well wherever you end up."

Even though he didn't say it, Jenna could imagine his unspoken words; _I hope that doesn't include being deported to a penal colony or dead. _She said, "Maybe I'll come back after I do what I need to do."

"I'll have a berth waiting for you," said Redden.

They both knew that she wouldn't be coming back.

**********

Servalan scrolled unseeingly through the day's action reports. Only the titles jumped out at her; she was too preoccupied to retain any details.

Sector Ten, Alien Incursion Report

Terra Nostra, Scope and Influence Report

Report 8268.995

Space Command, Fleet Rebuild Report

Servalan's mind was thinking about Avon, which was nothing new. She was also thinking about Cally. Servalan stabbed the button in front of her viciously. _Cally. I should have killed you when I had the chance. I should never have let Avon have you back. _She controlled herself. _No matter. I will fix this error. Once Avon finds out what I want him to know, he will no longer have any thoughts about you. _

She needed to coordinate with Sester in order for this to work effectively. Servalan knew that stationing him aboard the _Justice_ might hamper his efforts in making regular contact but he had his ship. _Where are you, Sester? What are you doing? Why have you not contacted me yet?_

Argus should be contacting her soon as well. She was going to push him a bit for being so inconsistent in his communications with her. She was also going to use him to position the ship closer to the planet where she was going to apply pressure on Avon. Servalan smiled in delicious anticipation; like a snake looking forward to its next morsel.

Servalan scrolled back the screen.

Terra Nostra, Scope and Influence Report

She had great interest in this one. Their influence had been growing but there were certain sectors of her government that seemed to be blocking her efforts to move against this criminal organization. She wanted to know why.

**********

Ellis and his alien supporters were decidedly on the defensive now. After weeks of furious battles, the enemy had been pushed back to Ellis's territory, which was shrinking by the hour. The _Justice_ and her crew had helped in several of the major battles. Her firepower and speed was greater than anything that either side possessed.

**********

Avon sat on a couch on the flight deck while conversing with Argus. There was a lull between offensives and the ship's crew was enjoying a few days of rest.

"What do you plan to do after the war in this Sector is over?" asked Avon.

Argus grimaced with distaste at what he knew they needed to do and replied from his flight station, "We'll have to contact Servalan. I don't like it but the Federation is the only one with the resources to identify potential alien threats."

"A necessary evil," said Avon.

"Sometimes it's hard to tell which one is worse," said Argus.

"Both will be disposed of in time," said Avon with cold grimness.

"Do you want to be the one to talk with her?" asked Argus. He knew that Avon needed to confront her, to prove to himself that he could still handle her.

"I will leave that particular _pleasure_, to you," said Avon.

"Are you sure?" asked Argus with surprise.

"Yes."

Argus wanted to ask him more but Avon's tone did not invite further explorations. _This can't be a good sign._ This man was a constant challenge, not unlike Reya. Argus liked challenges.

Argus decided on the direct approach. "Tell me what's wrong."

Avon's eyes narrowed and his face became hard.

Argus said, "Come on, Avon. You said that you don't want me to keep things from you. Well, it only works if it's done both ways. I need you to tell me what's going on with you. If you feel it's a strictly personal issue then tell me to mind my own business and I will accept that. But anything that impacts your ability to handle Servalan, concerns us all. You have to tell me if you can't."

Even though he didn't want to, Avon recognized the truth of what Argus was saying. He said, "Alright."

The level of vulnerability he had been exhibiting with Cally was disconcerting and still felt uncomfortable, but it was a choice he had made. To do this with someone else, was something he had neither considered nor intended to do. Avon was still an intensely private man but he knew that he had to tell Argus something. He had made a commitment to this man. They had agreed to work together and not keep things from each other, but most of all; Argus had been open with him when he admitted what he had done during the civilian massacre on Zirgon.

Avon said, "I don't know if I can face Servalan right now. She knows too many of my weaknesses, she gave me some of them. If she tries to manipulate me using them, I'm not sure if I won't fall into her traps."

"You were able to handle her before," said Argus. He came down from his flight station and sat down opposite Avon.

Avon's jaw tightened in stress. He would have to reveal more than he wanted to. "I've been having nightmares."

"_Those_ nightmares?" asked Argus with immediate concern.

"Worse." As Avon said this, his body became tense; the memories of the nightmares were never far away. They were starting to trigger an involuntary panic reaction. Avon used one of the breathing exercises Cally had taught him in order to release the stress. The last thing he wanted was for her to come running because she could sense his suddenly increased stress level.

Argus saw what was happening and decided to keep talking. He didn't want to disturb Avon and he wanted to give him a calm atmosphere so that he could recover.

He thought, _You should have told me, Avon. _In many ways, he could understand why Avon had not wanted to. Argus was like that himself. He hated having people see his weaknesses too.

Argus said, "I'm going to start the crew on a training program to upgrade their skills and increase our team coordination. We have the Athol soldiers now. That gives us increased abilities. And with the special abilities of the rest of the crew, we can do things that most people can't. Not even one of my old commando units has the kind of abilities that this group has." Argus was excited about the possibilities of this team. Bright energy seemed to radiate from him as he talked and his voice was full of enthusiasm. "With you, Vila, Cally and Reya…"

Avon was controlled and relaxed now. He had been aware of the calm drone of Argus's voice during his breathing exercise; it had helped him. As Argus began talking about the crew, Avon could see his excitement and joy. There was a simplicity and directness to him that he envied.

Avon said, "You can stop your plans of galactic domination, I'm fine now."

There was an almost embarrassed grin on Argus's face. "I _can_ be a little enthusiastic." He turned serious, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About your plans to dominate the universe? Not particularly," said Avon.

Argus nodded, "You don't want to talk about it."

"Not particularly." Avon hesitated and then said, "It's true that I would prefer not to but the reality is that I can't. You saw what happened. I can't think about it without having difficulties."

"I didn't realize it was that bad. What happened to the drugs? Aren't they working?"

Avon's stress level rose sharply again, his breathing increased with the tension. Admitting his true condition was something he had wanted to avoid but Argus had asked a direct question.

Avon answered, "Their effectiveness has decreased. Servalan warned me that this would happen."

"That damned woman!" Argus felt angry and guilty. He hated keeping his agreement with Servalan a secret from Avon. The more he understood about this woman and what she was still able to do to Avon, it made him ill that he had agreed to work with her. He felt as if his hands were tied. "Is there something we can do? We have to find you some help. Maybe different drugs?" Argus had a disturbing thought. "Avon. You're not going to like this but…"

When Argus didn't continue, Avon asked, "You have an idea?"

Argus said, "You're _really_ not going to like it but I have to say it. The only people who understand what was done to you or have the ability to…"

Avon saw where he was going and cut him off, "No. I won't go back to Servalan! I would die first."

"I don't want to lose you, Avon."

"Are you going to try to force me?" asked Avon.

Argus sighed. With Avon, trust was an ongoing process. He seemed to need constant reassurance. "No. I would never do that to you, Avon. I promise you that. But I do want to find you some help."

Avon's automatic reaction was to say that he didn't need help; his pride demanded it. He hated the feeling of helplessness; it was already difficult enough with Cally. With her, he had to fight his own natural instincts.

Before Avon could decided what he was going to say, Argus said, "And please don't say that you don't need my help because we _both_ know that you do."

They both stared at each other in challenge and then Avon nodded. "Very well. I won't say it."

"Good. Has Cally said anything?" asked Argus.

"She's exploring various possibilities," said Avon.

"Hopefully she can find something."

When Avon gave no response, Argus said, "You don't think she will, do you?"

"No." Avon's jaw tightened in stress again as he fought the feeling of hopelessness that was starting to descended over him.

"How can you be so sure, Avon? You have to give Cally a chance. Maybe we should contact Healer Garett. He has more knowledge in this area."

"I _have_ talked to Garett. That's why I know that there is no cure."

Argus sat up. This was something Avon had never mentioned. "What did he say?"

"I asked him about the drugs that were found in my system after you rescued me. Most of them have no pharmacological record in the Federation database. That means they were classified under the highest security levels. Officially they don't exist."

"Central Security?" asked Argus with disgust.

"It has to be," said Avon.

"But they're still just drugs. There _must_ be a way to way to counter them." The more Argus heard, the angrier he got. It was the cold anger he had when he became dangerous.

Avon said, "From what Garett could discover, some of them were tailored to work to my specific body chemistry. The degree of sophistication was beyond anything he had ever seen before. He called it chemical surgery."

"Surgery? That doesn't sound good."

Avon forced himself to remain detached and only focused on the facts. "They appear to have overridden some of my body's natural production of specific chemicals and hormones in order to substitute them with their modified versions. He suspects that my capacity to generate these chemicals naturally has been destroyed beyond my body's ability to heal itself. I can no longer function without the substitutes."

Argus said unhappily, "They tried to control everything."

"_**Servalan**_ did." Avon's voice was full of controlled anger and there was dark fire in his eyes.

Argus asked, "Even if your body can't produce them anymore, can't we replace them with normal ones?"

Avon said, "It's not that simple. Garett suspects that my body has become dependent on the ones they gave me."

Argus tried to understand. "You mean it's like an addiction?"

"Addiction is too mild a word for what will happen if they are removed."

Argus was horrified to hear this but he knew that the last thing Avon wanted was pity. Opening up was already hard enough for him. "Does Garett know that the drugs are becoming less effective?"

"We haven't had an opportunity to tell him," replied Avon.

"It sounds like we need to _find_ the opportunity," said Argus, glad that there was something he could do to help.

Vila came down the flight deck steps to join them. He sat down near Avon.

Avon remarked, "You look very pleased with yourself."

Vila responded, "He took the bait."

"Ah." Avon turned to the visual display unit, "Zen, locate Sester."

Zen responded, "Sester is located in his cabin."

Avon directed, "Good. Tell me the moment he leaves it."

Zen acknowledged the order, "Confirmed."

Argus asked, "He didn't suspect anything?"

Vila said with a grin, "He suspects all kinds of things. He just doesn't _know_ anything."

Argus was confused. "I thought the idea was to get him to start trusting you?"

Avon explained, "We need him to suspect and to keep suspecting. It's the only way to get him to trust."

Argus was even more confused, the explanation didn't make things any clearer for him. He looked between Avon and Vila. "Alright. I know I'm no genius with people but that doesn't make any sense to me."

"It will when it works," said Avon. "A man like Sester has to find his own reasons to trust people. We cannot give them to him. Or rather, we cannot _appear_ to give him any."

"It sounds like a big gamble," said Argus. "What if he doesn't?"

"Oh, he will," said Avon. A confident, almost smug smile touched his lips.

Vila said, "It's a big game. Don't you see? He loves things he can't figure out right away. It's going to drive him crazy."

Argus still wasn't sure he understood but he trusted Avon and Vila. "Alright. Just be careful."

Vila said, "Careful is my middle name."

Avon asked him, "Are you ready for the next phase?"

There was an unhappy look on Vila's face. "I'm ready. I don't like it, but I'm ready."

"It's necessary, Vila," stressed Avon.

"I know. I know. It's just that...it'll feel like we're going backwards," said Vila.

"Don't let sentiment interfere with what we need to do," said Avon.

"That's easy for you to say," said Vila.

**********

Sester was sitting in his cabin, his fingers idly touching the chess pieces on the table. He was deep in thought. The game with Vila had been entertaining. Sester had won, of course but he had been surprised at the level of Vila's game. It was higher than he had expected. Vila's mind was clearly not a Delta-grade one. The lack of advanced formal education was evident in his undisciplined play but he also exhibited surprising intelligence and sharp instincts.

One of Vila's greatest weaknesses was the inability to see deeper into the game. Not many could. For people like Avon and Sester, it was a gift they were born with. It was also an ability that could be taught. Sester wondered what kind of player Vila would be if he could see more than just a few moves ahead.

Sester was aware that Vila was most likely playing another more serious game, one that probably involved the other two, Avon and Argus. He smiled. It was not the easy and warm smile he normally wore. It was the expression of a man relishing the first moves in a battle.

His mind automatically turned to another pleasant thought. He wondered what Reya was doing. Sester couldn't help himself. Even though he had resolved to stay away from her as much as possible, he couldn't stop thinking about her. Reya's effect on him was too potent; he found himself thinking and feeling things that interfered with his ability to be dispassionate and objective.

He knew that Reya hated her ability to influence him. She had been troubled by the request she had made of him, to keep the secret of the children and the Auronar from Servalan and the Federation. She felt guilty even though he had done it willingly. The more he associated with her, the more Sester couldn't let her go.

Sester sighed. He wished that she felt the same for him, even just a little. The greater likelihood was that she would breathe a sigh of relief when he was gone.

He smiled wryly. There was one woman whom he knew would like to know his every movement. He knew he should contact her soon. The Federation President would be getting very anxious to know what he had been up to and why he hadn't contacted her in so long.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Seven

It was time to try the drugs that Cally had suggested, the ones Avon didn't really want to take. Both of them were in the medical bay and Avon was lying down on one of the bio-beds. The steady beat of his heart could be seen on the life monitors by the side of the bed.

As Cally approached with a bio-injector in her hand, Avon had an involuntary stab of fear. The unfeeling monitors betrayed the rise in his heart rate and stress level.

Avon closed his eyes._ Breathe. Concentrate. Relax._ In the place of his nightmares, someone approaching with drugs always signalled more torture. _I am not at the Detention Centre, _he reminded himself.

Cally waited with a concerned look on her face as she watched him and kept an eye on the screens. She could _feel_ his distress and anguish. Cally knew that Avon hated what the memories did to him.

The stress level slowly decreased. Avon opened his eyes and saw her staring at him. *_ It's alright, _* he reassured her.

Cally didn't say anything and only nodded. She touched his arm. * _It's going to get better. _*

Avon carefully kept his thoughts neutral. He didn't want her to know how he really felt about his chances for recovery. She needed to have hope. *_ Thank you. _*

Cally brought the injector up to his neck but she pulled back. She asked, "Do you really want to do this, Avon?"

He replied, "You want to. That's good enough for me."

"I don't want you to do this for me," she told him.

Avon said, "Its fine, Cally. We need to explore all possibilities."

"But you didn't want this possibility before."

An amused smile touched Avon's lips. "Are you trying to convince me not to do this now?"

"I…don't know. The more I think about it, the more I realize that you were right. I can't do this to you. As an Auronar, I should know this. Our feelings for each other are a strength. It gives hope. Without them, you would have little more than cold, statistical odds. I know you don't believe yours are very high.

She knew. Avon smiled wryly, "I could never keep anything from you."

"Does it bother you?" asked Cally.

"It's disconcerting," said Avon.

"I'm sorry." She knew that for a man who was as naturally closed as Avon was, being involved with an Auronar would have been very difficult. Even though he had a great deal of mental discipline for a Terran, when the emotions were strong, he could not hide them from her. He was especially vulnerable after what had been done to his mind at the detention centre.

Avon covered her hand with his. "Don't be. I came into this relationship knowing what the conditions would be."

"You mean the hazards." It was Cally's turn to have a wry smile.

"I am still here." His eyes told her that he always would be.

"Yes, you are." Their eyes were locked on each other.

"Since you don't want to try the drugs, what do you want to do now?" asked Avon. He rolled onto his side and reached out to pull her towards him.

Guessing what he had in mind, Cally said, "You're getting to be as bad as Argus."

"He does have some good ideas occasionally," said Avon. A touch of a grin lifted the corners of his lips.

Cally asked, "You must be getting along better. That almost sounded like half a compliment."

"You're an optimist," said Avon. Their light banter had returned his monitor readings to normal levels.

"Avon, I don't want to use the drugs I originally had planned to use but there are other ones which may help reduce the symptoms brought on by the nightmares. They're used to treat panic attacks. Your body's physical reaction; the increased breathing, heart rate and the chemicals released serve to reinforce and magnify what you're experiencing. If we suppress those reactions it may reduce the feelings to a more manageable level."

Avon said thoughtfully, "That does sound like a possible solution."

"Unfortunately, it's not a permanent one."

"Having a temporary solution is better than having none. Will they impair my ability to function?"

Cally allayed his fears. "No. It shouldn't affect your mental faculties. I will prepare some as a patch, similar to the tranquilizer patches. That way you can carry some around with you at all times. But only use them when you need to."

**********

Reya, Vila and Lieutenant Dain were in the practice range with a group of the Athol soldiers. This was Vila's first time here since Reya had the cargo bay converted for training purposes.

Vila asked, "There's no need for me to be here, is there? I'd just embarrass myself. Besides with all of these fine marksmen, I'm sure I'll never be needed to fire a gun. Not unless you wanted someone to miss. I can do that."

Reya said, "I'm sure you're not that bad." She handed him one of the training pistols and Vila took it reluctantly.

The gun felt uncomfortably hard and awkward in his hands. Vila had fired them before. Ever since he started following Blake, he couldn't avoid it; but Vila still didn't like guns. He never had; they always made him nervous. He never used one when he was working as a thief. Vila wished that he had the same excuse that Avon had to avoid having to use one.

Reya immediately noticed Vila's discomfort with the practice weapon. She had seen people who avoided weapons before but had never had to work with one.

She asked, "Vila, if you were ever in danger of someone trying to kill you and you had a gun, what would you do?"

Vila said without hesitation, "Run. I find that if you have a gun and someone else has a gun, they always get the impression you'll use it. Then you're stuck."

Reya said, "That's assuming that you can run fast enough. Or if they cared that you're armed or not. I doubt if Federation soldiers are that fair-minded."

Vila said, "I'm not saying that I can't use one. If I had to, I could use a gun."

Reya said, "What I'm trying to do is to increase your odds for survival. Don't use a weapon unless you have to, but when you do, make it count. That way when your life is in danger, or if someone needs you to save them, both of you will stand a better chance."

"Well, if you put it that way," said Vila.

As Vila ran through some of the target exercises Reya had designed to work on his marksmanship, his accuracy improved quickly. His hand-eye coordination as a thief was proving to be very useful.

**********

Avon paused outside of Sester's cabin. His heart was racing in anticipation of another confrontation. It was a mixture of excitement and an involuntary fear. Avon dipped his right hand into his vest pocket and brought out one of the panic patches that Cally had given to him. He stared at it for a moment. It was meant to be used in the event of trouble, not in anticipation of it.

With the pressure of the nightmares and memories, Avon was at a disadvantage when dealing with Sester. He could not afford to have a handicap when facing him. Sester would be able to spot it right away and use it against him.

Avon undid the first few clasps on his shirt and applied the patch directly over his heart. The effect was immediate. The beating in his chest slowed down. He became instantly calm. This was much faster than the meditation methods Cally had taught him.

He still felt the same as he did before, but the feelings were muted, as if someone had turned them down but not off. A tight smile came over Avon's face, he was ready now.

**********

Sester was passing a towel through his damp hair when his cabin door slid open without warning and he saw Avon framed in the doorway. As always when facing him, the expression on Avon's face was not a friendly one.

Sester paused in mid-wipe and gave him a friendly smile. "Do you always check that I've just finished a shower before bursting in here? I don't see how that gives you an advantage. I don't mind you seeing me with my hair wet." He continued drying his hair.

"We're going to have a talk." Avon's voice dripped menace.

"Oh good, we're going to play games. I haven't had a good opponent in ages." Sester dropped the towel on the table and ran his fingers through his hair to smooth it down.

Avon took the control unit for the tracer bracelet out of his pocket and pressed it.

Sester groaned in surprise and gripped his pained wrist with his other hand.

Avon had the look of a panther contemplating a prey it was toying with. He held the control unit like a weapon pointed at Sester. "I will play. You will talk or scream. The choice is yours."

Sester gasped, "I'll talk." He recognized that Avon wasn't in a mood for being pushed. It was best to let him think that he was cooperating.

Avon turned the device off and pointed to the chair that Sester had sat on during their last pained conversation. Sester sat down and said, "At least you weren't lying when you said that all of our conversations would be like this." He rubbed his arm.

"You could always leave," said Avon, putting the control unit on the table so that Sester could see it. Avon was not after subtlety.

"Yes, so you keep saying and I've told you that it's not possible, not unless the President orders it." Sester smiled cynically. "And she finds it much more amusing keeping me here so I doubt if that will happen."

"It's not going to be very amusing for _you_," said Avon. In the past, even the mention of Servalan in a conversation like this would send his heart racing. His stress level should have spiked but Avon remained calm and controlled. The patches Cally made up for him were proving to be very useful.

Cold anger with just a touch of stress; the involuntary fear that he had when he faced this man was no longer strong enough to stop his hatred. Cally's drugs had done this for him. This conversation was a battle Avon was determined to win. He had lost too much ground to this man already; he was determined to regain it.

"I'm certain you will try to make sure of that," said Sester.

"Oh, I will," promised Avon in a silken half whisper that sent chills down Sester's spine. "Now let's begin with Servalan's plans."

"I've already told you, Avon. I don't know them. She never tells me anything other than what I need to know. You should appreciate that," said Sester.

Avon reached towards the control unit.

Sester said, "You don't believe me."

"You're Servalan's most able advisor, is there a reason why I should?" asked Avon as he picked up the unit.

"You're forgetting Servalan's paranoia. She doesn't trust anyone except herself. Everyone else, she controls. You should know that." He eyed the device nervously.

_You should know that. _Sester's words echoed in Avon's mind. _I do know. _More than anyone else, Avon knew Servalan's control. He was aware of his stress level rising, memories of the years of captivity threatened to surface. Avon breathed deeply and banished the thoughts from his mind. It was much easier with the patch Cally had given him. A control that was tenuous and hard fought on most days, seemed much easier. _I know how Servalan is still trying to control me. _A burning anger flared within him and was controlled. Avon adjusted the unit and looking deliberately at Sester, activated it. There was a cruel smile on his lips.

Sester cried out at the sharp pain and held his arm to chest. Avon wasn't starting out with a mild warning as he had done before. Sester brought his pained eyes up to meet Avon's. The look on Avon's face was disturbing and his eyes were full of deep rage. Sester was alarmed. _Something's wrong. _In the past, even during Avon's worst moments at the detention centre, when he was full of anger and hatred at his tormentors, Sester had never seen this look of cruel darkness before.

Avon said in a voice that would not accept a refusal, "Tell me."

Sester's instincts told him that he was in a precarious position. He said, "I _cannot_ tell you what I don't know but what I'm able to deduce from my skills as a psychostrategist, I will tell you."

"That's not good enough," said Avon. He increased the intensity setting.

"No!" Sester gasped out. He bent over in pain. The agony had spread across his chest and he could only breathe in short shallow breaths. Sester lifted his head up again with difficultly and glared at Avon. There was no chance for mercy. He could not expect any when he had given none himself.Sester knew that it was only partially about the information. For Avon it was about something much more personal.

Sester thought,_ Are you capable of doing to me what I did to you? Will you be satisfied then?_ Part of him hoped that Avon would take his revenge, then Sester would no longer have the hindering burden of guilt. Sester was angry at what was happening, but found that he could not hate Avon for doing this. He knew that he owed it to him.

Sester knew that his mind and Avon's were evenly matched but he didn't know if he had the other man's strength of will.

_I guess we'll find out._

**********

After checking that no one was lurking in the corridor leading to the flight deck, Argus approached the visual interface and said, "Zen, use my personal contact protocol, D18. And let me know the moment someone enters the corridor just outside the flight deck."

Zen responded, "Confirmed."

Argus took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He was about to talk to his least favourite person. Expecting this to take awhile, he read through the day's action reports from General Reve's headquarters. They were currently in mopping up mode as Ellis's fleet and the alien forces were in full retreat. The _Justice_ was no longer needed.

There was one curious note. No one knew where Ellis Reve was. He seemed to have disappeared.

After a few minutes, Zen said, "Communications channel established."

"Put it on the main viewscreen, Zen."

The star field blacked out for a moment and then Servalan appeared. Anyone who didn't know any better, would have thought her beautiful in her white gown with a touch of striking red highlights. She was a vision of deadly beauty. Unfortunately for her, Argus did know better.

"Madame President," said Argus with formal stiffness. The screen seemed to flare briefly, causing him to be irritated._ I always forget to tell Avon to take a look at this._

Servalan said with disapproval, "I thought you had forgotten about me, Commander. I would have been very disappointed if you had."

Argus said, "I never forget an enemy."

Servalan smiled, "But, Commander, we've agreed to be allies."

Argus was a man who did not issue threats, only promises. "A temporary situation that can be rectified as soon as you break our agreement by hurting Avon."

Servalan seemed very sincere when she said, "Believe me when I say that Avon's continued survival is very important to me."

For some reason, this reassurance made Argus very nervous. "There are more things to life than just survival."

"Oh, I know, _Commander_." She smiled again.

Argus had the uncomfortable impression that she was telling him a truth that should send most men running. He said, "I'm almost finished with what I need to do. I need you to provide a list of possible alien threats. We will make an assessment on where we're to go next."

Servalan seemed amused by his assertion of control over the situation. "Of _course_, Commander."

Argus did not like talking to this woman. Every time she said something, he was certain she was also saying something else. The screen flared again. Argus grimaced at the brightness. _I have to get Avon to take a look at that. It's getting annoying. _ It was making him feel uncomfortable. "I will tell you when we've decided."

Servalan said, "That takes care of our alliance. I believe you have another service to perform for me, Commander."

Argus scowled at the reminder. "Who do you want me to kill this time, Servalan? And remember, I have final approval on whom I will accept as a target."

Servalan said pleasantly, "This time it will not be an unpleasant service. In fact, you might enjoy it."

Argus regarded her warily. "Out with it, Servalan. Who is the target this time?"

Servalan said with an wicked smile, "My wayward psychostrategist."

Argus could not keep the shock from appearing on his face. "You want me to kill Sester?"

"Not kill. Make very uncomfortable. I'm sure you know how to do that," said Servalan. "I have every confidence in your abilities."

"I am not here to be your thug, Servalan," said Argus coldly. "If you want to punish your underlings, use your own people." This was a task he had no objections to but Argus knew that it would cause all kinds of complications for him personally. Not the least of which, Reya would be very angry if she found out.

"Is this a task that is against your conscience?" asked Servalan.

Argus said reluctantly, "No."

"Then our agreement does not give you the option to refuse," said Servalan. A sly expression appeared on her face, "Unless you can provide me with a compelling reason why you cannot do this. I might consider it. I'm not altogether unreasonable."

Argus snarled, "I'll do it." The last thing he wanted Servalan to know was that he had personal reasons for not wanting to do this.

"Excellent, Commander." Servalan added casually, "Do not tell him who ordered this. You can find a suitable excuse."

Argus became even more suspicious. "Why?"

"You do not need to know, Commander. Report to me after it is done," said Servalan. She closed the connection.

**********

Servalan sat back in her chair after turning off her vidscreen. A pleased and reflective smile was on her lips. Everything was starting to fall in place.

She also noted that Argus had stopped objecting to her use of his military title.

_You will be ours again. Completely ours this time. _Her pleased smile became a smug one. _You will be mine. _Argus was proving to be too useful and decorative a tool for her to let anyone else use him.

**********

Sester lay on the ground groaning in pain as Avon watched with a ruthless sense of justice. With slow deliberation, he turned the tracer control unit off.

Sester gave a sigh of relief as the pain ended. He lay unmoving, his body curled in a protective position, trying to recover from his ordeal. There were no sounds in the cabin other than his own strained breathing. Avon sat like a dark, ominous spectre.

Sester slowly straightened up and struggled to a sitting position. He looked at Avon and asked in a tense voice, "Do you believe me now?"

"I'll let you know," said Avon with aggressive antagonism. He got up and left the cabin without a further word.

Sester continued sitting after Avon exited. His whole body felt battered and stressed and he was exhausted. There was one thing that made him glad about this experience. He found that he did have the strength of will to withstand the torture; although it also made him want to avoid any future occurrences if he could. Sester gripped the edge of the table. It took a great effort to stand. His legs felt weak and nearly buckled from his own weight.

As he was trying to stand, Sester could not help remembering Avon in the isolation cell. He wondered if this was a small taste of how Avon had felt then. The memory was even worse because Avon had not been able to stand. Sester remembered himself applying increasing amounts of pain so that Avon would not be able to get up. He remembered Avon's anguished cries as he stubbornly tried to stand and Sester would not allow him to. The vision caused a stab of guilt. It had ended with Avon collapsed on the ground in exhaustion and defeat and then the interrogators coming in.

_I gave you some of your nightmares. _He remembered tears streaming down Avon's face as he had everything stripped away from him, even the ability to scream. What he had done to Avon was far worse than what Avon had just done to him. Sester wished the isolation cell had not happened and that he had not been responsible for bringing Avon to the breaking point. It had been a job then, but now he hated himself.

_Avon. I truly am sorry. Perhaps by doing this, you can gain back some of the things I took from you. _He knew that it was a poor repayment but it was the only thing Avon would accept from him.

Sester saw the towel he had dropped on the table before. He picked it up and wiped the sweat from his face and neck. He needed another shower. On unsteady feet, Sester left his cabin and headed for the ship's bathing facilities.

**********

_I should have waited_, thought Sester as he hung onto the wall. Halfway to the facilities, his weak legs nearly gave out. He leaned heavily against his vertical support, gasping for breath and trying to rest. He was too weak and tired to go on and he doubted he could make it back to his cabin.

Strong and gentle hands went around his shoulders. Before he turned around, he already knew who it was. "Reya." When he saw her, he gave her a grateful smile.

_You're here for me when I need you. I knew you would be. _

With concern in her voice, Reya asked, "Are you alright?"

He said with a warm smile, "Fine now that you're here."

"Who did this to you?" she asked.

Sester didn't want anyone to know what Avon had done; it was something between the two of them. He didn't answer.

Her face was troubled. "Did Argus do this?"

"No."

Reya didn't want to believe it but she couldn't help thinking it. "He should never have done this to you. I'll have a talk with him."

"No, Reya. Don't do that! It wasn't Argus." He put his hand on her arm and pushed himself away from the wall.

Reya said, "Why are you trying to defend him?"

Sester repeated again, "No, Reya. It wasn't Argus. Don't be angry with him. He doesn't deserve that but don't ask me to explain what happened. I can't tell you."

Reya was standing close, her arms still around his shoulders, holding him up. The warmth and strength of her body were a comfort and a temptation. He wanted to hold her in return, but Sester knew it would be a serious mistake if he did.

There was no suspicion or guardedness in Reya's manner; there was only the voice of a friend. "Sester. You have to get off this ship. It's too dangerous for you here. There are too many who wouldn't mind seeing you suffer or dead."

Sester said wryly, "I gave them good reason to."

"But this is wrong, Sester. No matter what you did," she told him.

"It's justice," said Sester.

"This is the kind of justice that the Federation indulges in. It should not be ours," said Reya.

"It's the only one I know," said Sester.

"I'm sorry," said Reya.

"I am not a good man, Reya. The others are right. You should not care about me," said Sester. Even as he said this, he was aware that he was wishing it for her, not for himself.

"That may have been true before, but I don't believe it is now," said Reya.

"You're wonderful for believing in me. It's why I…," Sester stopped before he said something that would make her feel awkward. "Well, regardless, thank you. I've never had someone who believed in me for something other than my abilities. You'd better go. I'm feeling better now." He let go of her arm and extricated himself from her help.

**********

Avon sat in his cabin in the dark. He knew the drugs from the patch were wearing off. His body was shivering and his heart was beating so hard that it seemed to want to break free from his chest. He could feel his mind slipping into shock. His thoughts were fragmented and he was experiencing intense spikes of irrational emotion. His rational mind struggled to right itself as he attempted the calming breathing exercises. The fear of losing mental control was nearly paralyzing. He knew that something was wrong but the only thought he could grasp hold of was that he couldn't worry Cally; he had to calm himself before Cally came to see what was wrong.

Avon shoved his hand into his pocket and took out another patch. He almost ripped his shirt open and barely managed to apply it over his chest before he lost all ability to concentrate. Avon breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the medication take effect.

Chapter Eight

Argus was pacing in his cabin. He was like a restless panther in a cage. There was so much energy built up in his body that he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't release it.

_I agreed to do it. _He had told Servalan that he would make Sester 'uncomfortable.' _I cannot harm an unarmed man. Not after Zircaster. _His own feelings of guilt were never far away.

Argus's conscience had brought him to a virtual standstill. He could not do what Servalan had asked him to, but neither could he ignore what he had promised. All he could do was pace in his cabin while his body felt as if it was going to burst any minute. He punched the wall of the cabin in frustration; he wanted to scream. It was happening again. The barely controlled aggression that made him hate himself was back. His mind strained to understand what was happening but every time he tried to follow a thread of thought, his mind would fragment, making it impossible.

The cabin door opened. _Reya. _ Argus turned to look at her; she always made him feel better.

Reya came in slowly. She took in his agitated state and the tension that seemed to be emanating from him. The sound of Argus's his fist impacting the wall had been loud enough to be heard right before she opened the door. She said, "Haven't you done enough damage already?" she asked. Her face was hard.

Argus asked with confusion, "What are you talking about?"

"I know what you did to Sester," said Reya.

"What I did to Sester? Did someone finally throw him out of the airlock and save me the trouble?" asked Argus. Sester's name on Reya's lips caused anger to burn within him, fuelled by his pent up aggression. Something that was difficult to contain before was becoming impossible. He was losing control.

"You have never lied to me before, Argus. Don't start now."

"Or what? Don't start now or you'll go to _him_?" he asked angrily. He wanted to hurt someone now, not Reya, he could never hurt her but Servalan already gave him a target.

_This time it will not be an unpleasant service. In fact, you might enjoy it. _ Her silky, deceptive voice rang in his ears.

_You must be a mind reader, Servalan, to know that I will enjoy this. _ The acceptance of the directive filled him with exultation. The tension was still there, but it no longer felt like agony. The aggression was going to be allowed a direction.

Reya's ever-present feelings of guilt made her feel defensive at his accusation but she saw the wildness in his eyes and was alarmed. She remembered what had happened before, the darkness and violence she had seen in him. He had nearly hurt her then; he had barely been in control then.Afterwards, he had been wracked with guilt and self-loathing at what he had done, and what he had been for those few moments.

Reya thought, _Is the same thing happening again? Is that why you hurt Sester?_

She said, "I know you don't like Sester."

"I _**hate**_ him," said Argus. He wanted to go find his nemesis now and show him how much he hated him.

"You have to give him a chance, Argus."

"Why? You've given him enough chances for both of us. He doesn't deserve it." _Don't you see that, Reya? Why won't you see it? Don't let him get between us. _Sester was a dangerous man. Even when he wasn't present, he could cause havoc in other people's lives.

Reya said, "You can't hurt Sester just because you hate him."

Argus said irritably, "I know that. I will only do it if he proves to be a danger to this ship."

Argus thought,_ You always take his side. _In his mind, Argus's thinking shifted. Sester was not unarmed, his mind was his weapon. He did damage with his words. Sester was not the cloying kind of charmer that Argus detested; his charm came across in his sincere and easy manner. Everything about Sester encouraged people to trust him and he had used this potent ability to manipulate Reya into believing in him. Sester was the most dangerous person on the ship and she did not seem to have any defence against his tricks. This threat had to be neutralized, or at the very least, it had to be taught a lesson.

Reya realized that talking about Sester was only going to make the situation worse. She had to try to reach Argus. Whatever this thing that happened to him was, it made him irrational and dangerous. "Argus, you have to get control of yourself."

Argus was only half listening to what she was saying. _I have to control myself, or you're going to try to stop me. _All Argus could think of was achieving his goal; he had to take out his target. Sester deserved what he was going to do to him. _Let's see how your weapon works against mine._

Argus took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He told her in a calmer voice, "You're right."

Servalan was right; Sester had to be punished. Somewhere in the back of Argus's mind, this rationalization made him uneasy but it was not enough to override what he intended to do.

Reya asked, "What's happening to you, Argus? What's causing you to act like this?" Her voice was full of worry.

Argus could see her concern and love for him. He had to take care of her. He couldn't let Sester hurt her. He couldn't let him hurt any of them. "I don't know what you mean," he told her reasonably. _Focus on what I need to do. Can't let her know what I'm going to do. She'll only get upset. She won't understand that this has to be done._

Reya said, "It's happening again. You're starting to lose control."

"No, I'm not." He did sound in control now. Even though he was still somewhat agitated, his eyes were no longer wild. Reya wondered if she had jumped to the wrong conclusions. Maybe it _was_ just about Sester.

"Do you want to talk about Sester?" she asked him nervously. "If he is the problem then maybe we should talk about it."

Argus reached out and took Reya by the hand. _Have to reassure her. Shouldn't worry her._ "I didn't mean to scare you. Sometimes I can't help over-reacting when it comes to what he does to you. I just don't want to see you get hurt by him, Reya. He's dangerous. But I'm not up to talking about this now."

Now that the tension inside him was going to be released, it was more under his control. He pulled her to him and pressed their bodies together; there were other uses for the energy built up inside him.

Even as Reya felt her body responding to his overpowering desires, she tried to say, "But we have to…"

Argus's mouth covered hers in a passionate kiss, preventing her from saying anything else.

**********

Cally lay back against Avon as they relaxed on her bunk. He put an arm around her. They were in the habit of doing this before they retired for the night; sharing their day and their thoughts with each other. Cally had suggested it as a way to draw him out and help Avon become more comfortable with talking to her about personal things.

Nestled against his body, she felt warm and at ease. Usually Avon was guarded when they began. Whatever Servalan had done to him was always a spectre he had to fight against when he wanted to be close. As they talked, she could feel the tightness and the tensions from his body slowly relax. This would be reflected in the slow and deliberate lowering of some of the mental and emotional blocks as he once again explored the safety of their relationship.

Cally twisted around and asked, "Avon. Did something happen today?"

From her tone, Avon knew she wasn't just asking him about his day in general. He replied, "I made a visit to Sester today. We had a talk."

"That explains what I was sensing," said Cally. "For a moment I was worried, but before I could come find you, everything seemed fine again."

"Yes. The patches you made for me were very effective."

"I'm glad," said Cally. "Did he say anything interesting?"

"I wasn't able to get anything out of him that I didn't already know," said Avon.

"He _is_ slippery," she agreed. "What were you trying to find out?"

"Servalan's plans."

"You didn't expect him to tell you, did you?" she asked, wondering what he had been up to.

"Yes and no. I knew that he had no incentive to tell me. I gave him one." There was nothing he told her that was not the truth. Avon did not like lying to Cally. He hoped that she would not press for more details.

"What could motivate a man like him?" asked Cally. "He won't do anything unless he sees that there is an advantage to it."

"You would have said that of me once," said Avon.

She twisted around to look into his eyes again. "No, Avon. You were never like that. You may have wanted us to believe it. However, you rarely fooled me. You did too many things that had very little benefit to yourself for that to be true."

"Are you trying to get me to admit that I'm afraid?" he asked.

"I think you have to admit it to yourself first," said Cally. "I know that people like Anna and Tynus hurt you. I can't imagine what kind of life you had that made you afraid to admit that you care. Did you always believe that sentiment was a weakness?"

As Avon thought about Cally's question, it triggered a brief flash of memory. A woman's face, barely discernable, looking down at him. A soft and proud smile on her face. She reached out a hand towards him…_Kerr_

The memory disappeared as quickly as it came. Avon took a breath. He hadn't realized that he had been holding it. Cally was looking worriedly at him again.

"It's alright. Just an old memory." Even as he tried to recall the few details, they were fading away.

"What was it about?" she asked curiously. This one had not produced negative feelings for him.

"To be honest, I don't know. It's vague. There's a woman. She knows my name."

"Another woman, Avon?" she asked with mock exasperation at the number of women who seemed to have an interest in him.

He gave her a brief mischievous grin. "I don't think it was that kind of woman."

"I think you're just trying to avoid my question about being afraid," said Cally.

He teased her. "You noticed?"

"You're still avoiding it."

Avon laughed. He was about to answer her but something confused him. His mind and his memories told him that he always believed that sentiment was a weakness, but a deeper instinct was telling him that he didn't. The conflict produced stress again as his breathing quickened. He said, "I can't talk about it."

"Avon. Even this? What did they do to you?" Cally shared his anguish.

As he saw her distress reflecting his own, Avon said, "I…don't know. My mind wants to say one thing, but part of me knows it's not true. If that makes any sense."

"We have to get to the bottom of this," said Cally.

"I wish I could remember, but I can't. All I have are flashes of memory. If I try to reach for them, I run the risk of collapsing. If I don't try, then I lose the thread of the memory. It's very frustrating." Before the damage to his mind, he had never been aware of this problem before.

"Do you think the imaging chamber might help?"

"Perhaps. For now, I can only wait until the memories resolve themselves to the point where I can access them consciously." Now that Avon was relaxed and was at ease enough to share with Cally, he found that he didn't want to keep things from her.

His relationship with Anna had been true, but he had never opened up with her. Avon wanted something else with Cally. He needed the closeness that would heal the pain inside him and his love for Cally made her needs as important as his own. She wanted this level of closeness and he wanted her to have it.

He said, "Cally, there was something I didn't tell you about my conversation with Sester."

Cally asked, "He _did_ say something?"

"No. It's not that. It's about the motivation I gave to him."

"What was it?" she asked.

"Do you remember the additional enhancement that Reya asked me to make to the tracer bracelet for Vanora?"

"Yes. You added a unit that could control the discharge of pain. I had to use it once to stop Vanora from harming Reya and...oh." Cally had an idea what Avon was about to say. "That was your incentive for Sester?"

"Yes. I made the same adjustment to Sester's tracer." Avon's could feel his heart beating faster as he remembered what he had done. "Cally, I tortured him." The words barely made it out of this throat. Avon's eyes shut tightly as residual memories of pain surfaced. It was Sester's and his own. For some reason, their pains seemed to be linked in his mind. In Sester's cabin, Avon could almost feel every cry of pain, every moan of agony as if it were his own. Mentally and emotionally, it seemed as if he was in the isolation cell again, trapped in someone else's orchestrated nightmare. Avon wondered if he would ever be free from his prison.

"You allowed your hatred to get a hold of you." She could see that Avon was troubled. Cally rested her head on his chest and hugged him in support.

"I wanted him to suffer. I needed him to experience what he put me through at the detention centre."

"Did you enjoy it?" she asked. She wanted to know what he had been after.

Avon thought for a moment. "No. It wasn't about enjoyment, it was about exacting justice. It was about reclaiming my dignity and giving him a taste of what he did to me."

Cally knew that Avon was in a dangerous place. She could not expect him to forgive Sester – it wasn't something she could do herself - but this desire for vengeance had nearly destroyed Avon once. She did not want him to go back to the almost blind need for revenge that had caused him to seek out Shrinker. Those weeks when he had meticulously planned and carried out his retribution had done terrible things to him. She knew that he had barely been able to sleep; food almost made him ill. He would constantly stare out into nothingness, even when someone was talking to him. She knew that he was remembering Anna, envisioning her suffering at the hands of her torturers. Her life and her death had haunted him.

Cally had to admit that she had felt a strong jealousy towards the dead woman. Avon had been aware of her feelings and had tried to spare her by not involving her in his plans. She had tried to reason with him, but it was a time when logic did not play a factor in his decisions.

Cally could not imagine the feelings of guilt that had caused him to deliberately submit himself to be tortured. He had said that it was necessary. It was the only way to get to Shrinker. Cally knew it had nothing to do with Shrinker; it was about Avon's need for justice, whether in the killing of Shrinker or in making himself suffer for not dying instead of Anna.

Cally pushed the thoughts from her mind. She didn't know why she was dwelling on that treacherous woman. Anna had not deserved Avon. She had hurt him deeply in a way that Cally had not thought possible. It had made him suicidal after Anna died. For days afterwards, he had been in a deep depression, barely involved in the functioning of the ship and saying even less than normal. The insensitive Tarrant had sensed Avon's weakness and tried to use it to hurt him further. Cally had felt his Avon's anger at the attack and the deep sense of failure that was consuming him. The experience with Anna and Tarrant had only reaffirmed his belief that sentiment was a weakness that others would exploit in order to hurt and destroy him.

Then one day Avon had appeared on the flight deck and acted as if nothing had happened. Cally had known though, it was the only way he could cope with what had happened. It was not the healthiest way but healthy emotional outlets had never been Avon's strong suit. He had not been open to dealing with things then but Cally hoped that he would be willing to now.

Cally's mind came back to the present. She knew Avon found their mental communications less stressful so using this means she asked, *_ Avon, was it worth it? Was torturing Sester worth what it did to you? _*

Following her lead, Avon also switched modes. *_ It was satisfying when I was doing it. _*

She asked him, *_ And afterwards?_ *

Avon reluctantly told her, * _I was ill afterwards and could feel myself losing control. The memories and the feelings…became overwhelming. I didn't have the concentration to do the calming exercises you taught me. * _

With her head on his chest, Cally heard Avon's heart beating faster and could feel the tension return to his body.She sensed his anguish as he recalled his experience. Cally asked, * _That was when you used the patch?_ *

*_ Yes_ *

She lifted her head to look at him again. * _Avon, perhaps it would be a good idea for you to avoid Sester for now. _*

*_ I'm not afraid of him, * _said Avon. Even though they were speaking with their minds, his throat tensed.

*_You don't want to be afraid, but you feel it anyway don't you? Here?_ * She put her hand over his chest.

Cally always seemed to reach to the heart of things. She was right; the fear was always present. It lurked beneath the surface, like a disease that infected everything it touched. There was a wounded vulnerability in Avon's eyes. _* I can't deny that, * _he admitted with difficultly_._

Cally continued,_ * I know that learning to open up with me has been difficult for you, but I'd like to think that it's helped. *_

Avon found that the warmth of Cally's hand on his chest was comforting. She gave him a feeling of peace. In some ways, it was more potent than any drugs. * _It has helped. When I wake up from the nightmares and see you, I know I'm not alone anymore. It is easier for me to recover._ *

*_ I wish that I could share them with you. That way you won't be alone, even during the nightmares. _* said Cally.

*_ What you're doing is already enough. I would never inflict my dreams on you. They're…_ * Avon's jaw tightened as he thought about the things that haunted him. His next thoughts conveyed stress and anguish as his eyes sought and held hers. * _Promise me that you won't try, Cally. *_

*_ But I want to help you, Avon._ *

Avon eyes softened a bit, *_ I know, but not in this. No one should have to experience that, especially not you. _*

Cally knew that it was hard to change Avon's mind once he had resolved to do something. She had to allow him the freedom to do what he felt he had to do. She would be there when he needed her. *_ Alright, Avon but please be careful with Sester. _*

*_ I will. _* Avon bent his head down to kiss her. Just as their lips were about to touch, he hesitated. His face hovered over hers; Cally could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin.

Her eyes met his. * _What's wrong, Avon?_ * The last few times they had kissed, because of their increasing closeness, her awareness of his desire seemed to mix with her own. When they were intimate, his 'presence' seemed much closer, no longer just at the periphery of her consciousness.

*_ I want more for us. _* There was both desire and regret in his eyes.

*_ I do too, Avon but you're not ready yet, _* she told him.

*_ I could be with these new drugs you gave me. I could take them before we try. _*

Cally reached up and touched his face gently. * _There is nothing I would like more than to share this with you, but you can't use the drugs this way. They only take care of the symptoms; they do not remove the underlying problems. The horror of what Servalan did to you would still be there. I can't imagine what affect it would have on you afterwards if you forced yourself to do this._ *

Avon's eyes filled with anguish again. *_ We can't let Servalan win. _*

Cally said resolutely, * _We won't. That's why we must wait until you're ready. _*

She curled her arm around his neck and pulled him down into an embrace. As they kissed, Cally had another thought. It may not be a good idea to force the physical intimacy issue with the drugs but using them, Avon might be able to talk about some of his deepest nightmares. She knew that confronting them was the only permanent solution. Until now, it had been debilitating for Avon to even think about them. The drugs should be able to help with that.

Cally knew that Avon's fear would make him reluctant to try. He had great physical courage when he needed to, but his tolerance for emotional risk was very low. She would have to watch for the right time to broach this with him.

**********

The next morning, after a good night's sleep, Sester felt much better. His arm was still a bit numb but it was much less painful than the day before. After washing up and getting dressed, he was almost cheerful as he anticipated a good breakfast. Sester opened the cabin door. For a moment, his heart skipped a beat and he nearly backed away from the entrance as he saw someone standing there. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw who it was. Sester's face brightened in an easy smile, "Vila."

"You almost look glad to see me," said Vila.

"Let's just say, there are worse alternatives," said Sester.

"Such as?"

"Is this a social visit or are you here for a purpose, Vila?" asked Sester. _Such as spying on me?_

"No gopher duties for me today and I just finished my shift. I liked that game of chess the other day. You said that you had some things to show me. To make my game better?"

Sester said conspiratorially, "You want to be able to beat Avon, don't you?"

"You have a suspicious mind," said Vila. He didn't like Sester bringing Avon into a conversation. Vila still remembered Avon in the first weeks after his rescue, when he had been in such bad shape that he had begged Vila to kill him. The psychostrategist should not be treating games with Avon as something light, not after what he had done to him. Vila kept reminding himself that he was supposed to appear harmless.

"It's an occupational hazard," replied Sester. He stepped out into the corridor and let the door slide shut behind him. "First, I need some breakfast."

"Breakfast? But it's almost lunch time," said Vila.

"You can have lunch. I'll get caught up on breakfast," said Sester.

"Well, I _am_ getting a bit peckish," said Vila. The two men headed to the dining area together.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Nine

The Red Raven was a sleek trading ship that plied the unofficial trading lanes out between Sectors Five and Six. She was beautiful and built for speed. It was the most manoeuvrable craft Jenna had handled since the _Liberator_.

"Let's see how good you are, Jen." Captain Tern Atton was as sleek as his ship. He was a man who exuded confidence and success. His clothes were functional but richly made, and leaned towards various grey tones. His crew were hardened free traders; all experienced in the art that was smuggling.

At first, Jenna had been apprehensive about the interest Atton had shown in her. She didn't know why a successful man like this, would look at a pilot that only had a reputation on an old trading ship; a pilot that insisted on having no history.

Redden had come through for her though. He explained that Atton had been his protégé at one time. The man considered him a mentor. On the strength of their relationship, Atton had been willing to give Jenna a try. The rest was up to her.

Jenna was sitting in the co-pilot's seat. The pilot next to her was a dark complexioned man named, Kotar Prex. The way Prex had been eyeing her since their introduction, Jenna knew that she would have to do something spectacular to prove herself to his satisfaction.

Jenna asked Captain Atton, "What did you have in mind?"

"We have an important shipment to deliver and we're tight on time. I want to go through the debris field in quadrant 15." Atton gestured to the navigator, a red-haired woman named Edina. The woman touched several controls on her navigation panel and brought up a grid view of Sector 6. She zoomed in on a large cloud of irregular shaped meteors that spanned almost the entire quadrant.

Jenna studied the objects on the screen, and then she turned to look at the captain and said, "That debris field is a death trap." She wondered what kind of people she had gotten herself involved with. Redden had said that Atton was successful and very wealthy, that was what Jenna had wanted. He hadn't said anything about Atton being slightly crazy.

"Only if you don't know what you're doing," said Atton. "Redden said that you did."

This was her test. It would determine whether they would accept her or not. Jenna nodded and said, "Give me the coordinates." Jenna wondered what they were carrying that justified this amount of risk.

It made her uncomfortable for having to take this step. She had always considered herself a free trader, despite Vila's constantly irritating assertions that she was a smuggler. Smugglers were only in it for the profit, they didn't care who could be hurt by the cargo they traded in or helped ferry for others.

_Then what does that make me now? _She hated Avon for making her do this but at least she could console herself that it was for a good cause.

With grim resolve, Jenna took over the controls and moved the Raven towards the debris field.

**********

A satisfyingly tired Argus and Reya had fallen asleep in each other's arms. Reya woke up first but didn't try to get up. She didn't want to disturb him and she loved watching him as he slept. Reya regarded her sleeping soldier with fondness as she ran her fingers through his mussed hair. She couldn't imagine loving anyone else as much as she loved him. They were both strong-willed and provided constant challenges for each other, but neither one could survive without the other, not anymore.

This situation with Sester was causing great stress between them. Reya knew the man was dangerous. She had no illusions about that. The others on the ship considered him a deceptive and manipulative enemy. She knew this also and recognized the truth of it, but Reya always had good instincts about people. It was what had made her an exceptional security officer for her brother. She had saved his life numerous times; several times being the only one who recognized danger from people others had deemed harmless. Her instincts told her that Sester was not all bad, that he could be saved from himself.

Even though she wished it wasn't true, Reya knew that Sester's feelings for her were genuine. It made everything more complicated and confusing.

_Are Argus and the others right? Am I being a fool?_ Reya knew that she had lost her objectivity in matters concerning Sester but she couldn't believe that she had also lost her professional instincts. Her feelings towards this man were conflicting. On the one hand, she wanted to believe him. On the other hand, she still maintained a natural scepticism about everything he did.

For Sester, manipulation was a way of life; it was the way psychostrategists related to the human puppets they saw as their life's work. But Reya believed that Sester was changing; she could see it in him. _Would I still be thinking this way if we hadn't shared that time together as prisoners? _

She and Argus had to resolve this somehow.

Argus stirred. When he opened his eyes and saw her, his face brightened. "Good morning. How long have you been up?"

"Not long. I didn't want to disturb you."

"You always disturb me," he said with an impish smile. "But in a good way." He hugged her.

Reya said, "Argus, I know that you would prefer torture to talking about Sester, but I think we need to."

Argus's smile turned upside down into a frown. "You're right. I would prefer to be tortured."

"I don't want him to keep coming between us," said Reya.

Argus sighed. He knew she was right. "I don't want that either, but if you want to tell me to give Sester a chance, you can save your breath. You've already said it."

"But you haven't listened," said Reya.

"No. You're the one not listening, Reya. I keep telling you that he's dangerous and you keep thinking that he's harmless."

"I never said that he was harmless," said Reya.

"You believe it."

"I know what he is, Argus and I know who he works for."

"Do you?" asked Argus with a note of disbelief.

"I know we should be wary of him in most things, but I also think that he is capable of some good."

"That's what you _want_ to believe," said Argus.

"You don't know him like I do." The moment she said it, Reya realized it was a mistake.

"Yes, _I don't know him like you do_." The anger flared within Argus. The energy and tension from the day before was building up again along with the anguish as he remembered what he had promised Servalan.

Reya put her hand on his chest, "Please, Argus. Don't be like this."

"Why do you always take his side?"

"I don't."

"You came in here yesterday, accusing me of doing something to Sester."

Reya felt guilty. "Yes, I jumped to conclusions, and for that I'm sorry, but I couldn't think who else would have hurt him."

"I didn't." Argus had a twinge of guilt. He may not be to blame right now, but he knew what he was about to do.

Reya said, "I know. I'm sorry for accusing you of lying before. It was wrong of me to do that. I do believe you. I know you would never lie to me." Her words made Argus feel even guiltier. He hated that he had to keep what he was doing with Servalan from her and the others.

Argus said, "You never told me what happened with Sester. Why did you think that I had hurt him?"

"Well, I came across him in the corridor…"

"A corridor?" Argus asked suspiciously, remembering Sester's other corridor encounters with Reya.

"It wasn't like that this time."

Argus was still suspicious but he kept listening.

Reya continued, "I came upon him in the corridor, someone had hurt him badly. He could barely walk."

"So you automatically thought of me?" Argus asked.

Reya said apologetically, "Yes. I'm sorry. He wouldn't tell me what happened and I couldn't think of someone who would hurt him like that. And it's not as if you haven't hurt him before. You did in the gym."

"He had full padding on," said Argus defensively.

"But only because I insisted that he wear it," said Reya.

"There are many people on this ship who might have confronted Sester. Avon and Cally for instance," said Argus.

"Yes, but I can't imagine Cally hurting an unarmed man. And Avon is too weak physically at the moment to do that kind of damage."

Argus asked, "Are you sure that Sester was even hurt? For all you know, he could just be playing for sympathy, trying to manipulate you. He's very good at that. Just ask Cally."

Reya looked troubled. "I know he is capable of doing it."

"But you don't want to believe it."

She said unhappily, "I…I know you think I'm a fool for wanting to believe that he can change."

Argus hugged her. "I will never think you're a fool. You're a good woman, Reya, but I think that Sester has proved how dangerous he is. He has been able to get past your guard somehow. Normally you're so careful."

She held him tightly. "I'm sorry for letting you down."

"No, Reya. Don't say that. You could never let me down by being you. I will try to find out what happened with Sester."

"Be careful. I don't want you to fall into the same trap that I did."

Argus doubted if that would ever be possible. As they talked, Argus hated Servalan even more. It was because of her that Sester was in their lives at all. One day he would have to thank her personally.

**********

Sester was in the process of putting on a navy-coloured shirt when his cabin door slid open suddenly. The smile he directed at the door turned to surprise as Argus entered.

He said wryly, "I don't suppose it would do any good to put a lock on that door myself?"

Argus snarled, "You could try. I'm sure Vila would find it amusing."

Sester had an amused look on his face. The other man's hostility was almost comfortingly predictable but there was something else this time. It instantly put Sester on the alert. His normally active brain sharpened in attention.

The intensity with which Argus was staring at him made Sester apprehensive. Argus was normally a physically quiet man, but now he was clearly agitated and there was dark violence in his eyes. Sester's voice still contained a light charm but he was also wary. "What do you want, Argus? I can't imagine that you're here to inquire after my health?"

Argus's voice had the quality of sharpened steel. "I'm here to give you a warning." With that declaration, Argus grabbed Sester by the collar of the shirt he had barely put on and shoved him hard against the wall.

_Oomph_. It knocked the wind out of Sester. He was panting for breath as Argus held him there, nearly lifting him off his feet. Sester grabbed onto Argus arms. He had no expectations of freeing himself; he was just trying to hold on.

Argus's voice contained a controlled anger. " If you use Reya again, the way you used her against Vanora, it will be the last thing you do on this ship." His eyes were like deadly lasers that would bore holes through his enemy.

Sester said in a strained voice, "I was wondering when this would happen." _First Avon and now you._

"Don't try to be clever, _psychostrategist_. It won't help," Argus said in a harsh voice.

"I don't have to be smart to know that my admission of guilt in the Vanora incident would come back to haunt me."

Every time that Sester spoke, it fuelled the rage in Argus. He formed his right hand into a fist and delivered two punches in quick succession to Sester's mid-section, causing him to double over. Sester was straining to breathe again. The only thing keeping him standing was Argus's continued hold on his collar, now twisted like the look on Argus's face. Argus yanked Sester back up. "Anything to say?" he growled.

Sester wheezed as he tried to speak. A psychostrategist, who no longer had the ability to communicate, was at a severe disadvantage.

When Sester could not manage to say anything, Argus said, "Nothing to say, _psychostrategist_? You usually have so many words to share. Especially to Reya." Argus punched him again. Every blow was like being hit by a heavy metallic object. "I _forgot_ to _thank_ you for _that_, by the _way_." Argus was relentless; punctuating every sentence with another blow. Sester's knees buckled; he was in severe pain.

Argus pulled him back up again so that he could continue hitting him. "_You're_ not very _smart_ for a _psychostrategist_. _You_ should _never_ have _tried_ to _take_ something that's _not_ _yours_. That will _never_ be _yours_." He stopped hitting him and put his face close to Sester's and said, "If you do that to her again, it will no longer be just a _friendly warning_." Argus's tone would have frozen anyone's blood with fear, but Sester was no ordinary man. He was a psychostrategist; he knew when he needed to be afraid, and when not.

Sester looked straight into Argus's eyes without flinching. He knew that this man was capable of killing him without much effort, but Sester could see that he had no intention to; at least not this time. This was simply a warning; an Alpha male marking out his territory. Sester was very familiar with this kind of dynamic. He straightened up as best he could, trying not to wince at the pain.

In a voice that would have been more effective if the act of speaking wasn't a struggle, Sester said in challenge, "You should stick with making promises you can _**keep**_, _Commander_. You know that it's not up to _**you**_ to get rid of me." It was not the wisest thing to say if he wanted to avoid a further beating but Sester knew that nothing he could say would stop Argus from delivering his 'message'. The look in the other man's eyes told him that. With an Alpha, one could never be seen to back down. Sester knew that only too well, being one himself; but for Reya's sake, he would not push Argus too far.

He said, "I do not take orders from you, Argus, but I assure you, neither one of us wants to see Reya hurt. I do not regret killing Vanora. I expect that being a military man, you would also have seen the necessity of what I did. The one thing I do regret is my method. I should never have used Reya in that way. It was wrong of me. That is why I'm willing to accept what you are doing to me now. But make no mistake about this, Argus. This is _my_ choice, not yours. And it is for _Reya's_ sake, not yours."

"You're very good at acting," said Argus with a sneer of cynicism. "You _almost_ sound like you meant that. Is that what you did yesterday with Reya? When you pretended that you were hurt? Out in the _corridor_?"

Sester though, _Of course she told you_. Reya_ must have been angry and confronted you about it. That would explain what you're doing now. _Despite his pain, Sester was filled with happiness. It meant that Reya cared about him. At least enough that she would not let anyone get away with hurting him, not even Argus.

Sester said in a stronger voice, "You can believe whatever you like, Argus." _The only one I want to believe me is Reya. _He smiled to himself. _And she does._

The unprovoked smile on his antagonist's face made Argus even more irritated. He said, "Then you admit that you were just playing for sympathy?"

Sester said, "I admit to nothing."

"Or you're afraid to admit it," said Argus.

Sester said with a sneer of his own, "As I said, you can believe whatever you like, Argus. There is only one person I'm interested in, and she already believes me, doesn't she?"

Argus tightened his grip on Sester's collar and pulled him forward, preparing to slam him angrily against the wall again. He stopped.

Servalan's message had already been delivered and no matter how much he hated this man, he would not hurt him further. Since beating up Sester, the tension inside Argus had disappeared. The anger no longer clouded his instincts and his ability to think. He was starting to feel ill at what he had done. Argus let go of Sester suddenly, as if releasing something that was burning his fingers.

Sester sank to the ground and groaned. Argus stared at him, as if he was in shock. One would have thought that someone had just done something terrible to him too.

Argus thought in denial_, This isn't me. I don't do this. I don't beat up unarmed people. Avon would have a good reason to do this, I don't. This makes me no better than the Federation torturers. _A familiar self-loathing filled his guts and threatened to make him sick. _This__** is**__ me. _It was the part of himself that he hated; the violent part he was too weak to control. Argus bolted from the cabin, as if some nameless horror were chasing him.

**********

An hour after Argus had delivered his punishment; Sester was lying flat on the ground, trying not to move. He had tried to crawl to the bunk but had not been able to manage it. All he could do was collapse on the ground.

He was still in considerable pain and every breath hurt from the pain in his chest and ribs. Even though Argus had confined the damage to his torso, Sester felt as if his whole body was one big bruise.

The buzzer of his cabin announced a visitor trying to gain entrance. It had to be one of the few people on this ship who didn't want to see him dead. This person actually used the buzzer rather than overriding the door controls and barging in. It had to be Reya or Vila.

Sester didn't want Reya to see him like this. It wasn't just a matter of pride. He knew that Reya would be angry if she found out what Argus had done to him. Sester was surprised at himself, but he didn't want her to be angry with Argus. Argus had just been trying to protect Reya and Sester respected that. He would have done the same in his place, and perhaps even worse.

The buzzer sounded again. Sester gritted his teeth and with a gargantuan effort, rolled over and crawled to the bed.

**********

Vila stood waiting outside Sester's guest quarters. There had been no answer to his first buzzer. Vila had checked with Zen before coming here, Sester should have been in his cabin. He activated the buzzer again. "Sester, are you in there? It's Vila."

When there was again no response, Vila went to the comm panel embedded into the corridor wall. "Zen, locate Sester."

Zen immediately answered, "Sester is located in his cabin."

"Then why isn't he answering his buzzer?" wondered Vila aloud.

Zen responded, "There is no information."

"Great lot of help you are," said Vila. _You're either in there, or not, Sester. _There was only one way to find out for certain. Vila removed a tool from his pocket and set to work on the door panel. It didn't take long before the door slid open. Vila stepped inside hesitantly.

When he saw Sester lying on the bunk, Vila asked, "Don't tell me you're still sleeping. Do you know what time it is?"

Sester only moved his head to face Vila. He could barely keep his face from contortion with pain. Even that little movement seemed to be difficult. He said in a tight voice. "I like keeping irregular hours."

Vila could see that Sester was trying to hide something and not doing it very well; which was so unlike him. There was also no friendly and easy manner about him. This was highly unusual. Vila also noticed that other than for his head, Sester had not moved. He had a suspicion and said, "Avon wants to see you and he said not to take no for an answer."

Sester grimaced. A summons by Avon was something he didn't want to ignore, but he couldn't try to get out of bed without revealing to Vila that he was hurting. Besides which, he doubted if he could. He said, "I'm not feeling well, Vila. Tell Avon that I can't come right now." Sester knew that this sounded inadequate but the pain was hampering his efforts to think.

Vila wondered what game Sester was playing now. "Then we should have Cally take a look at you. There are drugs in the medical bay that can cure almost anything." He took Sester by the arm and shoulder and tried to encourage the man to get up.

Sester couldn't help himself from groaning at the pain this movement cause. At this sound, Vila dropped him in shock, causing Sester to groan again.

Vila said apologetically, "I'm sorry." There was instant concern on his face. Sester may be the enemy, but Vila didn't like seeing people suffering. "You're not just sick, are you?"

Sester admitted hoarsely, "No." He grabbed Vila's forearm. "Don't tell anyone, Vila."

"Why? Who did this to you?" It was clear to Vila that someone had roughed Sester up. Vila wasn't happy that neither Avon nor Argus had said anything about any plans to beat up Sester.

Vila thought, _It has to be Argus who did this to you. Avon can't._

Sester kept his grip on Vila's arm, "I can't tell you. Please don't tell anyone. Especially not Reya."

_It has to be Argus then,_ thought Vila. He said, "Alright. I won't. But I can't leave you like this. I know! I'll get some supplies from the medical bay. I'll be right back." He headed out.

Chapter Ten

Vila came back with the medical supplies; an analgesic patch and a tissue regenerator. He had been fortunate that Cally had not been there, otherwise there would have been lots of awkward questions as to why he needed these things. Sester had not moved and his eyes were closed when Vila re-entered the cabin.

Vila put the things down beside the bunk and asked, "Are you asleep?"

"Just resting."

"He should never have done this to you," said Vila.

Sester turned to look at him. He wondered if this was all part of the act. With Avon and Argus roughing him up and Vila coming to provide help, it was a very old tactic. He expected something much cleverer and more creative from Avon.

_If you're doing this so that I'll let my guard down and trust you, then you're mistaken. _At the moment, Sester didn't care if the caring was genuine or not. He knew that he needed help, and a false concern was better than none at all.

Sester said, "I don't know who you're talking about."

"You can't fool me. There's only one person who could have done this to you. It has to be Argus."

A stab of pain caused Sester to grimace. He said, "Don't get involved, Vila."

"Yes, I know. It's none of my business." Vila wondered what game Sester was playing at this time. Regardless of what Sester's intentions were, Vila didn't like Argus beating him up like this. He said, "At least let me help you and give you something for the pain. Unless you think that's none of my business too."

Sester said, "You won't leave until I let you help me, will you?"

Vila said, "Not a chance."

Sester said reluctantly, "I suppose I don't have much of a choice then."

Sester hadn't managed to fasten his shirt up and it was only draped across his torso. Vila reached for it but hesitated and looked at him.

Sester nodded. "Go ahead."

Vila carefully spread open the shirt. His face contorted in sympathy as he saw the deep bruises that were turning black and blue. _Argus has to have a reason why he did this. Maybe Sester provoked him._ He still didn't like it though.

Sester said jokingly, "I would like to say that I feel better than your face looks right now, but then I would be lying."

"He really shouldn't have done this to you." When he saw that Sester was about to say something, he said, "Yes, I know. It's none of my business." Vila unpeeled the backing from the analgesic patch and applied it to Sester's neck. "That should help with the pain."

He picked up the palm-sized device. "I'm going to use a tissue regenerator. It should take care of the bruises." He turned it on and slowly rolled it over Sester's chest. "It won't fix any internal injuries if you have any. You really should have Cally take a look at you."

"No. I don't want any else to know." Sester grimaced. "How long does this patch take before it works?"

"Shouldn't take long. Give it a few moments." He continued moving the tissue regenerator over Sester's body.

Even before Vila had finished speaking, the pain had disappeared and Sester breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't like pain."

Vila said, "I don't like pain much either." He did feel a bit of sympathy for Sester. It was hard not to, seeing the other man like this. Just the look of the bruises made Vila wince.

Vila didn't know if he was just feeling sorry for Sester because Argus had beaten him up. If that had been Sester's plan all along, then Vila knew he had to be careful.

Sester said, "I suppose you think that this is justice of a sort? I did torture Avon."

The mention of torture helped remind Vila who this man was. "I didn't know that psychostrategists did that sort of thing."

He finished with the regenerator and turned it off. There was something he felt he needed to understand about Sester. Avon had never wanted to talk about it, but Vila could tell that Sester had done something terrible to him.

"They don't normally," replied Sester. He looked down at himself and saw that the bruises had indeed disappeared. "That's impressive medical technology."

"Then why did you?" asked Vila. He helped Sester up so that he could sit leaning against the wall.

Sester replied, "When one works for the Federation President, you do what is necessary."

"You mean, she made you do it?"

"No. It was required of me and I didn't refuse." Sester grimaced as he remembered what the lack of refusal had cost Avon. "I don't want to talk about this, Vila." He was about to repeat that this was none of Vila's business but said instead, "You probably won't believe me, I know Avon and Argus don't, but I do regret what I did to Avon." Sester didn't know why but he wanted Vila to believe him in this.

_The others are right, you are dangerous_, thought Vila. Sester sounded as sincere as anyone he had ever believed in. Of course, all of them had let him down in one way or another too.

"Well, I'm not the one you have to convince," said Vila.

"No, but at least with you, I have a slim chance of being believed."

"I didn't say I believed you," said Vila.

He gave Vila a wry smile. "I suppose I deserve that."

"I didn't say that I _didn't_ believe you either," said Vila.

Sester sighed. "Do I have to add you to the list of people I have to prove myself to?"

Vila hadn't considered this because it was such an unlikely idea. He knew that Avon and Argus had good reasons to be biased against Sester, which was why they had asked for his help. Vila knew that if he had the same reasons as they did, he would probably feel the same way. He knew that he should, at least for Avon and Cally's sake.

He said, ""No. Why should you have to prove anything to me? You don't owe me anything."

"True. Are we done now?"

Vila replied, "Yeah."

"I don't know why you're doing this, but thank you, Vila."

"Well, not all of us want to see you dead," said Vila.

"That's good to know." An easy smile returned to Sester's lips.

**********

After taking over from Vila on the flight deck, Argus sat at his flight station. He stared blindly down at his control panel. Other than doing the standard checks to begin his shift, he hadn't been able to concentrate on anything else. He rubbed his fist absently and shook his head. His stomach still felt sick after what he had done. When he shut his eyes, he could see Sester reacting in pain to every strike of his fist on the other man's body. Argus opened up his fist and placed his palm flat on the panel. He stared at it. _What am I doing? Why do I lose control like this? _

No, that wasn't right. He had been in control. When he hit Sester, every punch, every measure of force had been carefully calculated. Enough to cause considerable pain but no more than that.

He was trained to get the job done and he did it exceptionally well. _Including beating up defenceless people!_ Argus hit the panel in anguish and frustration. In the Federation military, he had managed to avoid it. That was why he had resisted being assigned to the Death Squads. There had been considerable pressure for him to join one of their elite units but he had become very ill at one point and they had stopped asking him after that.

Other than the incident at Zircaster, he had always found a way to get around his orders; to achieve the same result without doing something against his conscience. He would have gotten in trouble many times if he hadn't been so successful. The men under his command loved him but Argus knew that the other commanders considered him a fool. Even Travis had told him to be reasonable, to think about his career. Travis, the man who was supposed to be his friend.

Thoughts of Travis brought about great sadness for Argus. They had been good friends once, idealists who thought that they were serving the greater good. Both believed that order had to be maintained if humanity was to survive. _I was such a young fool._

Argus shook his head of the memories of the past. He had something more important to think about now, he was supposed to report in to Servalan. She had ordered him to, after he beat up Sester for her.

**********

"You have done me a great service, Commander," said Servalan from the main view screen.

"Spare me the congratulations, _Madame_ _President_," said Argus with a snarl, making the pronunciation of her title sound like something very unpleasant. "I'm not interested."

"Don't tell me that you didn't enjoy doing it," said Servalan with an ingenuous smile.

"I'm not a thug like you. I do not enjoy inflicting pain."

"Perhaps not pain in _general_." There was a conspiratorial twinkle in her eyes.

"Are we finished?" asked Argus in annoyance. The screen flared and Argus winced at the brightness. "I would like to get back to more important things." _Why do I keep forget to tell Avon about this?_

Servalan smiled at his insult. That irritated Argus even more as the screen flared again. He put a hand to his temple and rubbed it. His head was starting to hurt.

"Is something wrong, Commander?" she asked sympathetically.

"Nothing," said Argus with greater force than he intended. His hand went to the back of his neck and he began kneading the muscles there. They were tight with tension and were starting to bother him. "Leave me alone."

Servalan asked with mild surprise at this unexpected outburst, "What did you say?"

Argus's tried to concentrate but the pain was building in his head. "I…I said leave me alone."

"I haven't done anything to you, Commander," said Servalan. "How could I? We're sectors apart."

"Yes…" _Why… am… I…having…problems thinking?_..._Something's wrong. Something..._ The screen flared again. There was something he should remember… It finally dawned on him what it was. Argus shouted at the woman on the screen. "Servalan! Stop trying to manipulate me!"

She smiled down at him from the screen. There was a mixture of satisfaction and pity in her eyes. "I see that you remember now."

_Yes! _ He remembered everything that he should remember, including the knowledge about the conditioning.

_It was the conditioning._

Argus wanted to believe that he would not have thrashed Sester that badly if Servalan had not been playing with his mind. It made him feel better, but only slightly. He couldn't shake off the feeling of responsibility. It had been his decision to do what Servalan had asked.

Argus said angrily, "Why did you do this? I already agreed to beat up Sester for you."

"You seem to think that you can contact me anytime that you wish, Commander. I do not like being ignored. It puts me in a very bad mood, as you've just discovered. This lesson wasn't only for Sester; it was also for your benefit."

"You mean _your_ benefit!" Argus said with venom.

"You know me so well," said Servalan. "Now let's get down to business. You will report in to me regularly regardless of what you're doing. Once a week should be sufficient for now."

"I do _**not**_ work for you, Servalan. _**I**_ will decide when I make contact, not you," said Argus.

Servalan said, "Do we really have to go through the whole tiresome business again? You do not have an option to refuse. I am not asking you to do anything against your conscience. I only want you to make regularly contact in case I need to use your services. At the moment you are gaining much more from our arrangement than I am. I only seek to redress the imbalance."

Everything Servalan said sounded reasonable. She was making it seem as if _he_ was taking advantage of _her_.

Argus said, "You're such a liar, Servalan. This is about control. Your control."

Servalan was very pleased with herself. "As I said, Commander. You do know me so well."

Something had been nagging at the back of Argus's mind. "_Perhaps not pain in general._" He wondered why she would say that. _Specific pain? Sester's? Why would she think that I would gain any pleasure from torturing Sester? Because of what happened to Avon? Or something else? _

The way she had said it, Servalan had made a clear insinuation about something.

_No! _She could not know about Reya.

Servalan had been watching him carefully. She had followed the flashes of emotion across his face. "Is there something you want to ask me?"

Argus directed a look of pure hostility at her. "I want nothing from you except for you to get out of my life."

"Unfortunately, I can't do that. And to answer the question that you're too afraid to ask, yes, I do know about Commander Reve."

In a voice of anger and fear, Argus choked out, "No! Leave her alone!"

There was a look of triumph and sympathy in Servalan's eyes. "And now, you will forget that knowledge and everything about this conversation that I do not want you to remember. Until the next time."

Argus said in helpless anguish, "No!" He reached towards the screen in a futile attempt to reach the woman who had done this to him.

The screen flared again and Servalan said, "Stand down, Commander."

Argus's voice became a strangled whisper as various barriers fell across his mind like a trap doors. "No!" _Reya!_

Memories and feelings disappeared, leaving only disgust at himself and anger at Servalan.

Servalan watched Argus carefully as the mind blocks fell into place. The look on his face changed from anguish to displeasure.

She said to him calmly, "You will report to me once a week as agreed."

Argus almost growled with distaste as he said, "Yes."

He didn't know why he had agreed to this. _I need to do something to regain control. She's taken too much of it already. _Argus looked down at his clenched fist. He didn't remember closing it.

**********

Jenna was happier than she had been in a long time. The freedom of piloting a good ship under challenging conditions was a joy. No killing, no destroying, no treacherous people, just her and the ship in full communication. It was an exhilarating experience. She missed the old days when she had her own crew and plied the trading lanes. Things were much simpler then.

There was a pleased smile on her face as she twisted her wrist quickly to swerve the ship past another meteor. The adrenaline was pumping through Jenna's body, her mind was sharp and her reflexes were quick. Jenna was good and she knew it. She had a reputation of being the best once; it was good to know that she still was.

She noticed that Prex, the pilot, no longer had his hands poised over his own flight controls, just in case she didn't prove up to the task. He was leaning back now, enjoying the ride.

Captain Atton said, "I think she may be better than you are, Prex." He actually thought that Jen was better than Prex, but he was not about to aggravate his old friend.

"Yeah, she'll do," said Prex grudgingly.

"I think he's jealous," said the red-haired navigator with a smirk.

Prex was getting irritated, "Why don't you shut up? What do you know, you're just the navigator."

They all grabbed onto something as Jenna executed a series of fast intricate manoeuvres to avoid a dense cloud of debris. Everyone seemed to be holding their breaths as barely brushed past one meteor only to be directly in the path of another one.

Atton shouted, "Watch that one!"

Jenna did a quick lateral drop with the ship and said calmly, "I saw it." She turned to look at Atton.

Atton was about to say, "Shouldn't you be looking at the screen before you get us all killed?" But he only got as far as, "Shouldn't you…" He stared at the screen in shock. "We're through?" Atton could hardly believe it.

Jenna grinned. Her face was flushed with the excitement of what she had just achieved. "How was that for time?"

Atton looked down at his flight panel. "We're almost three hours ahead of schedule. How?"

Prex said reluctantly, "She picked the fastest route."

"But I thought you said that it would take longer than this," said Atton.

"It would have been, if she didn't choose a more dangerous route," said Prex with consternation.

Jenna reminded Atton, "You did say that we were tight on time. I just proved that it isn't dangerous." She repeated Atton's challenge to her before, "As long as you know what you're doing."

Atton's laughter filled the flight deck of the Raven. He said with an appreciative smile, "And you have proven that you do. You are welcome on my crew, Jen."

Jenna said, "If you don't need me further, I'm going to crash in my cabin." Now that it was over, she suddenly felt very tired.

Atton said, "Of course, you must be tired. You've earned the rest, Jen. We'll talk later."

**********

Avon was in his lab, working on a program to break the encryption from the files he had downloaded at the alien research facility. Occasionally he glanced over at Cally who had her back to him and was reading intently from the screen in front of her. From what he could tell, she appeared to be studying molecule diagrams today.

When they were alone together, he felt relaxed and at ease but not today. Avon focused his mind so that she would only get an impassive impression from him; concentration on his task and little else. It was something he had learned to do long ago, when he realized that she could 'read' him. It wasn't perfect, it could not prevent her from sensing when he had strong emotions, but it was sufficient for normal purposes. Avon hadn't done this in a long time and for some reason, it made him feel uncomfortable.

Avon needed to think. There was a decision that he had to make. It was something that troubled him. Avon tried to push his own emotional reactions to the side, he would not be able to present a neutral front to Cally if he allowed them to affect him.

_Think dispassionately. Factually. _He was normally very good at it, it had been something he had done most of his life, but what he was struggling with was by its nature, emotionally charged. Avon put his hand over his vest pocket, he could feel the extra medicinal patch that would regulate the unwanted feelings of panic that came over him. He hated that he wasn't strong enough to control his own mind when the memories came. His heart was already beating faster as he thought about this; involuntary feelings of helplessness and anger that were never far away. He breathed deeply, using the calming exercises.

Avon was torn with indecision. He wanted to do this, but an almost incapacitating fear was stopping him. His stomach twisted in pain._ I have to defeat this. I can't let Servalan win. _

He lifted his head and looked at Cally. A barely visible smile touched his lips as he regarded her back. "Cally."

She turned around. "Yes, Avon?"

"We need to talk."

"Alright." She came over and sat near him at the table. Cally had been aware of Avon's struggle despite his attempts to block her from sensing what was going on inside him. She hadn't said anything because she knew that he needed the space to come to decisions on his own. If she didn't, he would begin to feel trapped and controlled; and that would have brought remembrances of the detention centre. What he needed the most was encouragement and support. "What did you want to talk about?"

Avon dipped his hand into his vest pocket and brought out the patch. "I used this before I went in to see Sester."

"You didn't want him to give him any advantage," said Cally with understanding.

"I know that wasn't the use you intended for these." He nervously fingered the patch.

"That's true, you have to be careful with them. They're very effective but they're not meant for long term use. Sometimes I'm nervous about prescribing you any drugs because of the ones you're already taking."

His eyes searched hers. "I want to use one now."

"What are you thinking of doing?" She was alarmed when a pained look appeared on his face.

His words came out in a half-whisper, like a man who did not want to disturb the peace. "I want to talk about Servalan."

"Avon, are you sure?" She knew that thinking about their enemy caused great stress for him.

For Avon, every word took great effort. "I want to do this. Servalan has already taken away too many things from both of us." There was grim resolve in his eyes.

"We should go back to our cabin," said Cally, moving to get up.

"No." He put his hand on her arm to stop her. "Not there. I can't do it there."

Cally put her hand gently over his and sat down again. "Alright. We won't."

Silence fell between them as Avon struggled with what he wanted to say.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Eleven

The lab felt cold; a chill that penetrated the skin and made Avon shiver. There was a sharp quality to it, like tiny shards of ice piercing him, infiltrating every fibre of his being.

_Have the temperature controls failed, or is it my imagination? _The fears that preyed on his mind manifesting themselves in physical form? The last time he felt this way was in his cell at the detention centre. Avon shuddered involuntarily.

The only warmth he could feel was the continued touch of Cally's hand on his. It was not enough to banish the cold that seemed to reach into the core of his being.

Cally asked, "Are you sure you want to do this now?"

Avon lifted agonized and uncertain eyes as two different answers rose unbidden to his lips.

_No, Cally. I can't face this. _He could not bear the agony of the memories that made him feel less of a man, the ones that had made him a slave to someone else's pleasure. Humiliation and fear, anguish and hatred; they were so strong that he could almost taste them. His heart was pounding in his ears as his body reacted to the memories. He knew that he was starting to hyperventilate.

_We have to do this, Cally. If we are to have a future, I have to defeat this. _What was left of his spirit to fight was spurred on by his commitment to someone he loved more than his own life.

There was such pain and anguish in Avon's eyes, Cally wanted to put her arms around him. She wished she could erase the memories of all the things Servalan had done to him.

Avon said with fierce conviction, "Servalan can't win." He ripped off the backing from the patch and slapped it to the side of his neck. Avon closed his eyes as it began to work. The pounding in his chest slowed to a steady rhythm. No more flashes of uncontrolled panic, only the warmth of Cally's hand on his. Avon took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

The feelings had not disappeared but they were manageable now. A sense of emotional calm with his emotions longer out of control. He pushed them to a corner of his mind, but not all of them. There were ones he no longer wanted to hide. His rational mind recognized that he needed them.

Avon's eyes locked on Cally's as he began to speak. "There is something I have to tell you first before I go into what happened."

His mind went back to the day on Sarran, in Hal Mellenby's underground hideout. As Avon recounted the events, he could almost smell the faint salty air of the sea that penetrated the sealed chambers.

"None of you ever asked why Servalan had such an interest in me," said Avon.

"I assumed that with Blake out of the way, she considered you the next most dangerous threat," said Cally.

A sadly ironic smile crossed Avon's lips briefly. "That would have been flattering, if it had been true. Servalan had a much more personal interest in me."

He had a flash of memory. Servalan in a light mauve dress. The clothing should have given her a softer look, but she leant an air of overriding menace to everything she wore.

"She offered me a partnership."

Cally held her breath. _You never mentioned that. Were you tempted? Even for a brief moment?_

"She was a fool to think I would trust her or that I would have any interest in power."

Cally slowly let out the held breath. _I should have known._

"Servalan had tricked me earlier on the beach by using an empty gun. I knew she was trying to gain control of the situation. Then she tried to secude me later in Hal Mellenby's underground base. That was when she offered me the partnership."

"She tried to seduce you?"

"Yes."

"That woman will use any means," said Cally with distaste.

"Yes. Before I refused her offer, I decided to assert my own control. I was going to kiss her, throw her to the ground and then reject her."

"She must have been livid."

"Oh, she was." Avon smiled as he recalled the angry look on Servalan's face as she was tossed to the floor. She had looked like she wanted to murder him.

Avon's smile disappeared as he remembered why he was recounting this event. "It was the first time I discovered…that…" Avon hesitated, unwilling to make this admission but knowing he must. He forced himself to continue, "We were physically attracted to each other."

"That was when it happened?"

Avon was shocked, "You knew?"

"I had suspected something like that from your reaction to her in the cellar when you shot Anna. And from some things Vila has said about your obsession with her after I was gone."

There was a faint flush on Avon's cheeks. "It was a purely biochemical reaction. It disgusted me but I couldn't help it. I was tempted physically but it was never enough to make me forget who she was."

Avon didn't want to admit it to himself but it was also a fascination with someone dangerous. They had been two adversaries locking blades for the first time, without the distraction of other people complicating the issue.

"Did…anything else happen?" Cally knew that he and Servalan had spent many hours together on Sarran. It made her uncomfortable that he had these feelings for Servalan. Even if it was just lust.

"No. The rest of the time, we were trying to survive each other's plots."

Avon felt strange. Normally thoughts of Servalan would fill him with deep hatred and overwhelming anger; and despite his attempts to push it down, fear. The drugs were helping to temper his body's reactions and they were also dampening his ability to feel the extremes of emotion. He was not hyperventilating and his heart was not racing wildly but it was also having an unexpected affect he had not considered.

Avon said, "I should have killed her then."

"I wished you had," said Cally.

Avon was uneasy. He was afraid to tell Cally that the drugs she had given him, removed his ability to feel deep hatred for his enemy, a situation that made his present situation worse. He could not just hate Servalan in his mind, he needed to _feel_ it. In the years he had been a prisoner, hate was often the only way to block out the horror of what his enemies were doing to him. Hate had blinded and comforted him.

With Sester, the dull anger had been sufficient, but with Servalan, Avon had to have the hate in order to face her, even as an apparition of his mind. He had not realized the full effect of having the strong emotions reduced to this extent. He felt naked and defenceless.

But he was not alone this time. The warmth of Cally's hand penetrated his terrible isolation and reminded him that she was there. Avon focused his attention on her again.

_I am not alone. I have help. I have people who care about me. _

Avon knew that these words were sufficient for others. It filled them with confidence and a will to go on; but they were only words if they had no meaning to the one who was trying to convince himself that they did.

It was the curse of his rational mind.

Avon knew that emotional and relational ties were the source of Auronar strength. He found it ironic that a man, who ascribed so little importance to feelings, would find himself attached to someone for whom emotional ties were of primary significance.

Cally's example made him want to believe, but fear and rationality made it difficult.

The drugs didn't just rob him of the ability to feel the extreme hatred that was echoed and fuelled by his physical reactions, it also stole the his ability to feel strong positive emotions; the ones he had for Cally. Without them, part of him seemed to be missing.

Avon held onto what the drugs had left him, the muted feelings that almost seemed to belong to someone else. A drowning man grabbed onto any help he could find.

The love was still there. Avon breathed a mental sigh of relief.

His panicked mind had almost convinced him that it was gone; his rational mind told him not to be a fool. Emotions were not a product of the chemical reactions in his body. The 'physical' feelings were only symptoms.

_What am I doing? I'm making the same mistakes again. _He was trusting his rational mind to understand something that was beyond rationality.

Cally's eyes were full of love and concern. He knew that if she could take his suffering upon herself, that she would.

_You are my lifeline; you have been for along time. _With that admission, the warmth of Cally's hand seemed to flow along his arm and into his body, warming the cold that was there, stilling the shivering. With Cally, he would be able to do this difficult thing.

Avon broke the silence and said, "Servalan never forgot the insult."

Cally had been aware of the flow of emotions across Avon's consciousness. Even though they weren't strong, there was no mistaking how he was feeling. His prolonged silences would have disconcerted anyone except her. Even though she could not hear his thoughts, she knew that it was not silent inside his mind. He was struggling with himself and she could tell that he was winning.

She had been ready to step in and give him support if he needed it; she almost had several times. Sometimes the hardest thing in loving someone was to give them the freedom to be who they needed to be; even if it meant seeing them make mistakes.

Cally was afraid to ask the next question. The first time Avon had shown a fear of being touched in an intimate setting, she had suspected what Servalan had done to him. Cally had hurt along with him and shared his anger.

Servalan twisted and destroyed everything she touched. This time, she had come close to destroying a human being.

Avon's voice became quieter as he neared the source of his anguish.

"At first, she was satisfied with just the torture." His eyes had a faint pained look as he remembered the ruthless expertise of his tormenters. At times, he could still feel the phantom aches when he thought about it. "Sometimes she…" Avon jaw tightened. "She just wanted to see me suffer." That had been the worst of all the tortures, knowing that the pain being inflicted was for Servalan's amusement. Having her show concern even as she ordered that he be tortured again.

Avon paused; he needed to gather himself for the next part.

Cally projected a question to him, *_ How are you feeling, Avon? _*

"I've felt better." He gave her a brief smile that was almost a grimace. "I have to go on."

*_ Alright. Please stop when it becomes too much. _*

Avon squeezed her hand. *_ Some day you won't have to worry about me. _* A slight grin touched his lips. * _At least not this much. _*

*_ That would be nice. _*

Avon said lightly, * _You'll have to find something else to occupy your time. _*

Cally had a gentle smile on her face as she said, * _I can think of many things._ *

*_ I'm sure you can. _* Avon squeezed her hand tightly. "I have to continue, if I don't, I might not be able to."

*_ Alright, Avon. _*

"After I went back to Servalan, this was after you had rescued me from the transport vehicle, things changed. She was no longer satisfied with just the torture." Avon's voice trailed off. His throat was tense when he repeated, "She never forgot the insult."

He stopped and for the first time since he started talking about Servalan, Avon looked away from Cally. He stared down at their joined hands. His voice was a barely heard whisper now. "I had no choice. If I didn't give her what she wanted, she would have subjected me to the nightmares. I couldn't control them. I couldn't afford to let her know that I had ORAC looking for the antidote for you. I couldn't risk the nightmares revealing that I had made provisions to escape. It had seemed a small cost to pay…" The words choked him. He could barely breathe. "I did what she wanted. I used…the physical attraction between us. Forced myself…to love her." Avon was afraid to look at Cally, he did not want her to see his shame.

Cally wanted to cry. Avon's pain and the pain she felt for him, threatened to bring tears to her eyes, but she had to stay strong for him. Avon had to go on in order to purge these nightmares. He could not if she broke down.

"No, Avon. It was not love. She forced you to have sex with her. She…" Cally didn't want to say it. The realization of what Servalan had done to Avon made her want to turn the ship around and charge straight to their enemy's headquarters and level it to the ground. She said in an angry voice, "She raped you, Avon."

"No!" Avon reacted in horrified shock. He stood up abruptly, yanking his hand from hers. There was a helpless anger in his eyes. Avon said in denial. "_**She didn't**_." He backed away from her. "_**I**_ made the decision." Avon kept backing away. "She didn't…" He sounded like a man trying to convince himself of something he knew wasn't true. Avon's back hit the wall and he collapsed against it.

Cally rushed over to help him. "Avon!" She touched him on the arm but he flinched violently away.

The drugs didn't seem to be working anymore. Everything seemed to be hitting him at once. Servalan's hands touching him, Avon shuddered as he felt them. Her heat against his skin, caressing him. Demanding. "No!" He said in a choked voice as he tried to banish the memories. His eyes closed tight and his body bent over in anguish. His arms wrapped around his chest protectively.

He wanted to run and hide, but there was no longer any safe place for him to go. They always found him wherever he was. His nightmares told him that. Then she would have him brought to her. His stomach lurched.

Avon felt something slapped against the side of his neck. He shivered and his eyes flew open.

"It's alright, Avon." Cally was kneeling beside him. "I gave you another patch. It should help."

Avon didn't know if it was just an effect of the increased drugs but the sight of her calmed him instantly. He could think clearly again. Cally's words repeated themselves in his mind. The ones that had sent him in a spiral of fear and denial. _She was right. _She always was about him.

Cally said, "I'm sorry."

"No. You were right."

She sat down beside him, careful not to get too close in case he had a reaction.

"I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to admit that she had that much control over me." The feelings were still there but they were no longer strong enough to overcome his mind. "Not dealing with it made it worse."

"It always does," said Cally. She reached for him hesitantly, wanting to hold his hand again but afraid that it would make him shy away. Cally put her hand down.

Avon noticed her movement and said, "You've wanted me to talk about this, haven't you?"

"Yes. It's the only way to deal with the nightmares permanently. You have to defeat them or come to terms with them."

"You never said anything to me."

"I knew that you had to come to this decision on your own. The will had to be yours."

He said, "Touch me."

Cally was surprised. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Take my hand." He unwrapped his arms from across his chest and extended a hand to her.

She hesitated but took it. Avon gripped her hand tightly and said, "I need to feel someone besides Servalan when I talk about her."

She said, "We should stop now." Cally was torn. She did want him to continue and deal with this problem but she was aware how much pain it was causing him.

"I want to go on. If I'm to be of any use against Servalan, I can't have this as a weakness for her to exploit. And…I want to do this for us." It was still difficult at times for Avon to express that he cared about someone. Avon wondered if he would ever feel comfortable with it. He hoped so, for Cally's sake.

Cally projected to him, *_ Alright, Avon. * _

Along with her words, Avon could feel a supporting warmth and love, like a soft current flowing from Cally to him. It filled him with a sense of peace and security.

Avon continued. "There's not that much left. Servalan…" His body immediately tensed as his mind faced what he had forced himself to do in her bedroom. "She had me brought to her regularly at Residence One. She wasn't only satisfied with sex. She would always find some pretext to torture me." Avon's throat tightened. "A penalty for failing her in some way. Then she would demand that I…"

Without realizing it, Avon tightened his grip on Cally's hand.

Cally said, "You didn't have any choice."

"Sometimes, when she touched me, I wasn't sure if she was going to cause pain…or something else. Sometimes she did both." Servalan had found the implant in his knee very useful.

Cally wasn't just angry now, the thought of Servalan made her ill. "She's a sick woman."

Avon agreed with her wholeheartedly. "Yes." Now that he had told Cally about this, he felt lighter, as if some heavy burden had been lifted. He was no longer alone in this nightmare.

Avon put his other hand on Cally's shoulder and said, "Thank you, for being here."

"I wouldn't want to be with anyone else." She leaned a little towards him, wanting to kiss him but afraid to.

Avon felt for the patch in his neck and took it off. His voice was low. "We should go back to our cabin now and we need a counter agent for the drugs."

Cally's eyes widened.

**********

Back in their cabin, with the lights turned down low, they stood close and stared at each other, almost afraid to start. They could see the desire reflected in each other's eyes.

Cally asked in a soft voice, "Are you sure you're ready for this, Avon? You've just gone through a difficult experience."

Avon put his arms around her. "There is one thing I have learned today, that is, I am stronger with you, than without you. On my own, I could not do this. I was continually overwhelmed. With your help today, I am now at the point where we can try."

Cally teased, "You've calculated the odds of our success, haven't you?"

His lips curved upwards in a grin of amusement. "Of course. Would you like to know the numbers?"

Cally was very aware of his body pressed lightly against hers. "Some of us don't need to know the numbers."

"I need you to start," said Avon.

Cally carefully unbutton his shirt; going slowly, aware of his every breath.

Avon watched her face and saw the concentration and gentleness even as he felt her hands moving. He wanted to focus on her and nothing else.

Cally slid the shirt down his body, slowly revealing the the remnants of the scars. She had seen these before, under a clinical setting. Now they were only an ugly reminder of the woman who had caused them. Despite the advanced tissue regeneration technology of the ship, some of the scars still remained. They stubbornly resisted all attempts to remove them. Cally realized that it must have been deliberate. They weren't just a reminder, they were a mark of slavery.

She dropped the shirt on the ground and gently put the palm of her right hand over one of the scars on his chest. Avon shuddered slightly at her touch but didn't move away. His eyes were earnest, wanting her to go on.

Cally said, "We will find a way to remove these one day."

Avon nodded but didn't say anything.

She put her hand over his heart. *_ But today, we will remove them from here. _*

He leaned forward and brushed his lips over hers in a soft kiss and then pulled back so she could continue.

Cally began to caress him, stroking her hands slowly and tenderly across his chest, following the scars, as if by her touch, she wanted to erase them. Cally could feel him breathing faster and deeper as she made her way down to his mid-section.

Avon bent his head down to kiss her again, this time, there was an eager hunger and desire. It was long, passionate and deep, stopping only long enough for Avon to slide her top over her head and drop it on the ground beside his discarded shirt.

They were lost in each other, their hands roaming over each other's bodies, fueling the other's desire. Cally sighed as Avon lowered her to the bed and lay down beside her. For a moment, Avon gazed at her. The next part was the last and most crucial one. So far, things had gone well but there was still a nagging fear.

Cally's eyes reflected concern and affection. * _We can do this together. _*

His response carried light laughter, *_ I would certainly hope so. _*

The first touch of their naked bodies against each other caused Avon to shudder involuntarily but he didn't flinch away. The anguish returned. "I'm sorry."

Cally touched his face. "Don't be. We're making progress. Avon, you need to be able to focus on me in order for this to work. Is that right?" Her mind went back to something Vanora had said.

"Yes, it helps. What did you have in mind?"

*_ When I speak to you like this now, do I seem closer_? *

Avon concentrated carefully, trying to become more aware of their mental connection. *_ Yes. You seem to be speaking next to my ear. _*

_*Vanora mentioned something once. She said that when an Auronar has a close mental connection as we do, intimate physical contact strengthens the bond. I will become more aware of you and I think that it is possible that you will become aware of me to a limited extent. I don't know if it will work. It may just work one way. Do you trust me enough to let me come in? _*

Avon hesitated. Cally was asking to be able to 'see' him as he truly was, to be more vulnerable to her than he had ever been to anyone before. An old, never faraway fear reasserted its ugly head.

*_ You may not like what you find_, * he told her.

She drew her fingers lightly along his cheek. * _I doubt that very much, Avon. I have always been close to you, from the very beginning, even at your worst moments. I have never turned away. _*

Avon took her hand and brushed his lips lightly over the tips of her fingers. *_ No, you haven't. _* His eyes searched hers and found what he needed. For this woman, he would do anything.

He told her solemnly, *_ I trust you. I will try. _*

*_ Close your eyes, _* Cally told him.

Avon closed his eyes and tried to relax. He had spent a lifetime of putting barriers up, he wasn't sure he even knew how to bring them down. Despite loving Anna to the point of death, even with her, he had not allowed his walls to come down.

*_ Avon. _* There was a soft wave of caring and warmth flowing towards him.

He marvelled at the sensations. Cally's presence gently brushing against his consciousness. Avon could sense her as a soft, vibrant light held back by the barriers of his mind, waiting to come in. The decision was his. He knew that if he chose not to do this, she would accept it and not pressure him. A relationship of true freedom. Just as he thought he had once with Anna.

_You are not Anna. I don't know what the future may bring between us. Life and relationships are such inexact things. _

Avon chose.

Cally had her eyes closed as well as she opened up her awareness of Avon; their two consciousnesses separated by his will. She had always been able to sense the cold walls of his mind; a construct of rationality and control, fuelled by pride, fear, pain and an ever present anguish. Once it had been an almost impenetrable barrier that only let across random emotions. Now, with the damage done to his mind, he could no longer maintain the control he once had.

She could 'feel' his indecision…and then she was 'touching' him. They both gasped, physically and mentally. Naked mind touching naked mind.

Cally was careful not to reach in too deeply; he was not an Auronar, such intimacy the first time would alarm any human, and this was Avon. There were so many things he was keeping at the edge of his mind that made her curious, but she would not invade his privacy.

Avon spoke hesitantly, as if he was afraid she would reject him now that she could see him more clearly. * _You can see now? _*

*_ Yes, Avon. I can see. * _ Her presence was warm and radiated a soft love. *_ You're beautiful. _*

She hugged him and caressed him with her mind. The effect was erotic. Unconsciously, their bodies entwined with each other. Each gentle touch of Cally's mind reflected in their physical reactions. There was no thought of Servalan. No remembrance of their enemy. Just two people caught up in each other's presence and desires.

When they finally reached the climax, their minds and their bodies reacted as one, each sharing the other's joy and pleasure.

Afterwards, they held each other, their minds still lightly touching, not wanting to break the moment. Cally's head was resting on his chest. She lifted her head and looked at him. * _Are you alright? _*

A soft, peaceful smile lifted the corner of Avon's lips. It was a strange sight to see on his face, but a very welcome one. * _More than alright. _*

She lay her head on his chest again and closed her eyes. It was a good start. Avon had taken important steps in terms of banishing this particular set of nightmares today. Cally was under no illusions that one night of intimacy, no matter how good it had been, would fix all of his problems. It would take a lot of perseverance and strength on both their parts to unravel and heal all of the harm that had been done. For now, they were both tired and content and fell asleep in each other's arms.

Chapter Twelve

Avon and Argus sat across from each other on the flight deck, discussing the list of possible alien incursion threats Servalan's people had provided. Avon was perusing a datapad containing the information.

Argus asked, "So what do you think?"

Avon answered, "The second and the fifth one have possibilities."

Argus said, "They _all_ have possibilities. I don't like the looks of the one on Solteral."

The weather satellite system on the planet had suffered a disastrous malfunction. It was a terraformed planet that was plunging into an ice age from which it had been reclaimed. The Solterans had barely survived the destruction of Star One. They were just starting to become prosperous again.

"You would. That's purely a humanitarian rescue. Servalan's people can take care of it. They are the ones with the expertise to repair the weather system. It does not take the capability of the _Justice_ to handle that."

"The Federation?" Argus asked sceptically. It wasn't that he didn't believe the Federation would help; it was part of their empire after all.

Avon said, "Regardless of the reason, it is not in their best interests to allow the planet to become unproductive."

"I know that, but I would like them to see that there are avenues to help them other than Federation ones."

"A political motivation," said Avon with not a bit of distaste. "That is always a good reason to do anything."

Argus was puzzled. "I thought that you believed in the rebel cause and that was why you were with Blake. Are you saying that you didn't?"

_When did you become a believer? _The memory of Jenna's cynical voice rose from the depths of Avon's mind. The others never had understood him. Blake had, just a little. He suspected that Cally always did. He would have to ask her that some day.

Avon said, "It was never a matter of not believing in the cause."

"Then what was it?" asked Argus. This intelligent man before him was a constant mystery. He still didn't fully understand Avon's motivations. The only thing he knew was that his instincts told him that he could trust Avon.

Avon hadn't thought about these matters in a long time. He did sometimes, when he had been on the _Liberator_, and later on the _Scorpio_.

_Yes. What was it? Why did I stay?_

Normally thoughts of Blake would cause instant pain and an overwhelming sense of guilt and horror. It had been a long time since he had been able to think of those days with any semblance of coherence.

_It must be because of what happened last night. _Opening up to Cally and experiencing both physical and emotional closeness with her had changed him. The sense of no longer being alone wasn't just a mental acknowledgement, it was something he _knew_.

"Avon?" Argus asked with concern when Avon continued staring at him blankly but not answering.

Avon brought his mind back. "I was thinking about something."

"Anything that I should know about?" asked Argus.

"You want to know if I believe in the rebel cause?" asked Avon. "That _is_ what you want to know, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"It isn't that simple," said Avon.

Argus said wryly, "Is anything with you ever simple?"

"Not for you."

"Do you like avoiding questions?"

"Alright." Avon gathered his thoughts. So far there was no sense of panic but he was careful not to think about Blake directly. He did not want to test his new sense of peace on something that crucial yet. He didn't want to deal with more than one set of nightmares at a time.

Avon continued, "I have never said that I don't believe but I have never thought that it was possible." He looked Argus straight in the eyes and said, "I still don't."

"Then why did you help Blake if you didn't believe it was possible?" asked Argus.

"He was full of confidence and he had the ability to make people want to believe, even against their better judgement. It was why the Federation was afraid of him." This was an ability that Avon had always envied.

"Against _your_ better judgement, Avon?"

Avon hesitated and then said, "I thought him a fool for believing in something that could not be achieved. I…" The feelings that he had been able to hold at bay were starting to intrude into his consciousness. "Thought that if he took the time to think, he would realize this and stop what he was doing. He almost did when we first met. I tried to help him see the reality of the situation. I didn't want to see him throw his life away on a hopeless dream, not after what the Federation had already done to him and his family. It was only a brief moment, and then he was the fanatic again; only seeing the goal and not the overwhelming probability of failure."

Avon still remembered that day in the computer control room of the _London_. He could almost hear the anguish in Blake's voice as he told them about the Federation murdering his family and friends. The price of failure was high in the Federation, regardless of which side you were on. Avon knew that only too well. He had almost convinced Blake then, until Jenna had stepped in. Avon wondered what would have happened if Jenna hadn't. They would all still be alive. Blake would still be alive. Avon's stomach twisted in pain. It was starting again.

"Avon!" Argus's voice rose in alarm at the grimace of pain on Avon's face.

The shout caused Avon to draw his mind back from the memories. He was breathing hard, as if he had just ran several miles. Avon put his hand up, "Give me a moment." He calmed his mind and slowed his breathing. "I can't talk about Blake. Not yet."

"I won't press you. You can tell me when you're ready," said Argus.

"There is one thing I can tell you," said Avon. "I thought that Blake fought because he believed it was possible to win, but I was wrong. He fought because he believed the fight itself was important, even if you couldn't win." His stomach twisted again in sharp pain. Avon nearly doubled over. He put his hand up again to stop Argus who had gotten up and was going to come over to help him. "I have to say this. I didn't understand his reason for fighting until that last day when I killed him." Avon's fists tightened as he tried to block out the pain. He had left it too late; the memories began to flood into his mind like an irresistible tide. His hands gripping the gun…

Avon felt something against the side of his neck. He tried to brush it away but strong hands blocked him. The drugs from the patch that Argus had hastily applied flooded his system, giving Avon an instant calm.

Cally's concerned voice suddenly spoke in his mind, *_ Avon, are you alright? Do you need me to come? _*

Avon responded, * _I'm fine. I had problems with one of the memories but the patch is working_. _Argus is here._ *

*_ Alright, Avon. _* Cally's voice faded.

Argus was holding onto Avon's arm to keep him up, trying to give him support. He asked, "Do you need me to get Cally?"

"She was just here," said Avon. At the confusion in Argus's eyes, he tapped the side of his head, "In here."

"I'm going to have to get used to that," said Argus as he let go of Avon's arm.

Despite what had just happened, Avon wanted to continue. He was very careful this time. "To answer your question. I have always believed that the Federation needed to be brought down, or at least changed, but I have never believed it was possible. I still don't, but because of Blake, I accept that continuing the battle is as important as winning. For this reason, I will fight with you."

Argus nodded.

Avon added, "That does not mean that I agreed with Blake's methods."

There was more to be said but Vila came down the flight deck steps and joined them. Avon and Argus glanced at each other. The conversation was over, for now.

Vila sat down and said, "Which one of you beat up Sester without telling me?"

Both Avon and Argus said at the same time. "I did."

They looked with shock at each other.

Vila asked, "You were both in on it?"

Both Avon and Argus answered again. "No."

Vila's eyes narrowed, "You both beat him up separately?"

Argus asked Avon, "How did you…?"

Avon took the tracer control unit from his pocket, "I questioned him with this."

Vila said with dismay, "Well, you two geniuses nearly killed him."

Avon said, "That's not possible. I was very careful."

Vila turned to Argus.

"Vila, if I wanted Sester dead. You would not be here asking me. He would already be dead."

Vila said with exasperation, "And when both of you do it? One after the other?"

Avon said to Argus, "We do appear to have a problem. In future we should coordinate our efforts more effectively."

Argus replied, "You're right. I should have told you what I was doing."

Vila couldn't believe his ears.

Argus said, "Avon, it might be a good idea if you don't keep the control unit."

"Are you planning to give up your fists as well?" asked Avon.

"You have a point," said Argus.

Vila didn't expect to be heard when two Alphas were talking but he no longer accepted that his role was to listen. He said, "Avon, why don't you give _me_ the control unit? And Argus, you need to stay away from Sester. You want him to help you against Servalan, but its hard to convince him if you keep beating him up."

Vila looked at them both nervously. They were staring at him. He couldn't tell what they were thinking or even if they were going to tell him to mind his own business. Vila wondered if it was going to be like it had always been, with no one listening to him.

Argus looked at Avon and asked, "What do you think, Avon?"

"It does sound like Vila but I would not rule out alien possession," said Avon. He sounded serious.

"You always think its alien possession," complained Argus.

"True," said Avon.

Vila protested, "I am _not_ possessed by an alien!"

Avon said, "You are, in a manner of speaking. You are possessed by a new Vila."

Argus said, "We like this one."

Avon's eyebrows rose. "We do?"

Argus said, "You know you do."

Avon could not keep the amusement out of his eyes. He handed the control unit to Vila.

Vila stared at it. He couldn't believe that Avon was actually giving it to him.

Avon asked, "Have you changed your mind?"

Vila took the unit from Avon's extended hand. "No."

Avon said, "You realize that I can very easily make another one."

"Oh. Well…"

Avon said, "But I won't."

Argus chimed in and said, "Avon might want to borrow it occasionally though."

Avon glared at him and asked, "Does Commander Reve know that you beat up Sester?"

Argus grimaced.

Avon remarked humourlessly, "I thought not."

"You're not going to tell her, are you?"

"Do you plan to lie to her?" challenged Avon.

Why was it that Avon always knew how to get to him? "I…No, I don't."

Avon said, "I won't tell her unless she asks."

Vila said helpfully, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. I won't say anything."

Avon looked pointedly at Argus. "It will hurt _her_, if she finds out, and even more if she discovers that you deliberately kept it from her."

Argus's shoulders slumped. "I know. I don't know what possessed me. I should never have hurt him that badly. I'm usually much more controlled than that."

"Jealousy?" asked Vila.

Argus glanced at him. It was something he had been trying to deny. He had not wanted to take a look at it that closely. Doing so meant thinking about Reya's and Sester's interaction together. He said reluctantly, "Maybe."

Vila said, "There's nothing to be ashamed of. You're a man. If anyone had…"

Avon saw Argus's anger rise. He said, "I wouldn't suggest pursuing it, Vila."

Vila stopped. For the first time, he noticed part of the patch sticking out from the edge of Avon's collar. He wondered what had been going on before he arrived.

Avon said to Vila, "We will leave the monitoring of Sester's progress to you. Let us know when we need to back off." He addressed Argus, "Agreed?"

"Agreed."

The three men began discussing their plans with regards to the psychostrategist.

**********

A little while later, as Avon, Argus and Vila were nearly done, Cally and Reya joined them.

Avon found himself staring at Cally as she came down the steps towards them. Though his face was as impassive as ever, there was a barely perceptible softness in his eyes as he remembered the previous night. Pleasant memories to drown out the nightmares in his head.

*_ Avon. _* Cally sat down beside him as he moved over. Their thighs were touching lightly.

Before she could ask how he was again, Avon asked, * _Can you look in on Sester later? He might be hurt. _*

*_ What happened? _* she asked.

*_ I need you to not ask any questions. Just trust me. _*

She glanced over at Argus and Reya, who were sitting on either side of Vila.

*_ You don't want Reya to find out? _* she asked.

Avon asked with consternation, * _Are you certain that you can't read my mind? _*

Cally sent an amused ripple towards him. * _No, Avon. I just know you. Besides, it wasn't that difficult to work out. You realize that those two are going to have trouble over this? It can't be hidden indefinitely. _*

*_ Argus is aware of it. _*

*_ Alright, Avon. I will look in on Sester. *_

**********

Sester sat on his bunk and lay back against the wall carefully, grimacing at the continued pain. He was trying not to use another one of the analgesic patches Vila had left him.

Vila had been very helpful lately, visiting him regularly and bringing food. Not that Sester had much of an appetite. He guessed that there must have been some internal damage done as a result of the beating he had received from Argus. The man's fist had been like tempered metal.

Sester was still resisting Vila's efforts to convince him to see Cally. Part of him wanted to avoid trouble between Reya and Argus. He did not want to see her hurt again. The other part of him was also aware that if she found out, and knew that he was trying to do the right thing, it would only benefit him.

He looked down at the chess set that he had arranged on the bed beside him. Another difficult configuration. He applied his mind to the task in order to take his mind off the pain.

The cabin buzzer announced another visitor. _Vila. _

Sester got up slowly and went to press the door control on the table. He had a puzzled smile when he saw Cally. She had a bag slung over her shoulder.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Sester waved her in.

Cally's manner was guarded as she said, "Avon said that you were hurt?"

Sester said, "Avon exaggerates." Avon being concerned about his health set off all manner of alarms in Sester. He wondered what everyone was up to.

She suddenly reached forward and tried to press her hand against his mid-section. Sester reacted quickly and backed away, but causing himself pain in the process. He grimaced.

"You were saying?" asked Cally.

Sester realized that Cally must know about the beating he had received from Argus.

Sester asked, "Does Reya know?"

Cally said cynically, "You can't fool me, Sester. It will be very convenient when Reya finally finds out what Argus did. Then you can seem noble in trying to protect their relationship, and she will be even more sympathetic towards you. And Argus will look even worse."

"You're much too cynical about me, Cally," said Sester with a wry smile.

"Spare me the act," said Cally harshly. "Take your shirt off and lie down on the bed."

"Normally, when women ask me to do this…" He smiled and began to unbutton his shirt.

"Save the banter for someone who is fooled by it," said Cally as she slid the bag off her shoulder and began removing some items from it. Cally was giving him no quarter; she was here as a professional, not a friend.

Sester draped his shirt over a chair and lay down. "You used to be much more fun than this."

"That was before I found out what you really were." She turned on a medical scanner and passed it over his torso.

Sester sighed. "Of course."

Cally studied the readout from the scanner as she said, "I don't appreciate your trying to act as if nothing happened."

"I don't suppose it makes any difference that I'm sorry for tricking you and for using the knowledge I gained to trap Avon."

Cally turned the scanner off and put it down. "You're expecting forgiveness?" she asked angrily.

"I was hoping for a little less hostility. I have been trying to help Avon after all."

"You're not going to get it. Nothing you do will ever be enough," said Cally as she picked up an instrument that looked similar to the tissue generator. This one was larger and had more controls on it. She changed the settings. "You have internal bruising. That is the cause for the discomfort you are experiencing. This is a deep tissue regenerator. It will repair the damage."

When she turned it on, the instrument gave off a soft blue light. She passed it over the affected areas.

Sester asked, "Why are you doing this?"

"You're my patient. I have a responsibility for the health of the people on this ship."

"Even of enemies?"

"Even you," said Cally. She turned the instrument off. "You should be fine now. Try to get up."

Sester sat up carefully. There was no longer any pain or discomfort. He smiled. "Thank you, Cally." He got up from the bed.

"Don't thank me," she said coldly as she packed up her equipment.

"Nevertheless, I am grateful. To you and to Avon."

"Avon does not want your thanks either," said Cally as she picked up the bag and headed towards the door.

He looked thoughtfully at the door after Cally exited. "I'm sure he wants something else from me," said Sester.

**********

Several hours later Avon returned to the flight deck to talk to Argus.

"We still haven't determined where we're going to next," said Avon as he sat down on the couch, facing Argus, who was at his flight station.

"I thought we were going to Solteral."

"Nice try."

Argus grinned. "Alright, lets discuss this. The aliens might be involved in the disruption of the weather satellite control systems. That means that it's not purely a humanitarian mission."

Avon said, "The Kuriam crystal mines are just as crucial. If it is the Andromedans causing disruptions there, they may be trying to control their own supply of Kuriam. That would not be good for anyone. The implications could be much wider than helping a single planet."

"No one's life is in direct danger there," pointed out Argus.

"The other consideration is the Goderich territories. They are directly adjacent to Sector Ten. The reports of increased hostilities there can be an indication of another alien incursion attempt."

"That's true, or it might just be a normal territorial dispute," said Argus. "Those territories are well known for them and they tend to keep to themselves."

"There's no way of knowing for certain until we go to investigate," said Avon. He stressed, "It _is_ next to Sector Ten. Each one of these are potential dangers to humanity if the Andromedans are involved. It is a matter of scope."

Argus thought for a few moments. "The Goderich territories and Solteral are near each other, aren't they?"

Avon made some calculations. "At standard by ten, they're two days apart."

"Good. We can do both. Then we can go check out the Kuriam mines."

"You want to go to Solteral first, don't you?" asked Avon.

Argus grinned.

**********

For the next week, as the ship headed towards Solteral, everyone was busy. Reya had instituted regular training and practice sessions on the weapons range. Cally had started educating some of the ship's personnel on basic first aid techniques for field use. Vila was teaching some fundamental lock-breaking techniques to some of the Athol soldiers. Avon was doing research on the three places they were going to go. Argus began drawing up preliminary strategies and contingencies for each mission and discussing them with Avon.

They were doing that during Argus's shift on the flight deck when Zen reported. "Information. An incoming emergency communications signal is being received."

Argus looked over at the visual display. "Who is it from, Zen?"

Zen responded, "The source of the signal is Del Grant."

Upon the hearing of the familiar name, Avon's face turned pale and he dropped the datapad he had been working on. He couldn't breathe. A flood of conflicting emotions was choking him along with memories of Anna.

Argus was becoming very familiar with Avon's episodes. He rushed over quickly and applied a patch to Avon's neck.

Avon regained control as calm returned.

Argus asked with concern, "Avon, who is Del Grant?" There was only one Del Grant that Argus was aware of. He was a mercenary with a reputation for ruthless efficiency and exorbitant fees. This may or may not be the same one, but it was definitely someone who had a great impact on Avon.

"He swore that he would kill me once," he told Argus. "He has more reason to now."

"Then we won't answer the signal," said Argus.

"I have to."

Argus asked again. "Avon, who is Del Grant?"

"Grant?" The emotions might be under control, but the memories of Anna and Grant were not. Avon's eyes went out of focus as their faces appeared before him. "He was Anna's brother."

Argus may not know who Grant was, but he had heard of the infamous Anna. The Anna of Avon's nightmares. If Grant was her brother, then…

"Then we're definitely not answering this signal," said Argus. To him going anywhere near Grant would be too risky for Avon.

Avon's voice was deathly quite. "I loved Anna."

His mind was filled with echoes of the past and the twisted visions of his nightmares.

Anna's voice as he had always remembered her. _I let you go. _She had played him to the very end. It didn't matter if the sentiment had been real or not.

His voice as it had always been, a man desperate for someone who would not betray him. The voice of a fool. _No. You never let me go._

His nightmare was coming to meet him. It was not giving him a choice. He spoke as a man who still had trouble processing what happened. "She betrayed me. She…tried to kill me." The nightmares did that to him. The Federation torturers had played on his guilt and the pain of being betrayed, feeding him a desperate fantasy that perhaps it had all been a mistake. She hadn't betrayed him. It was all a terrible error. His error. Avon screamed in agony and bent forward. "NO!!"

Argus grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "Avon! Snap out of it! Anna worked for the Federation. Her brother probably wants to kill you. You have to think! Avon!"

Avon's eyes were wild when he looked at him. He wasn't seeing anything except Anna. He didn't feel anything except his own arms around her as she lay dying.

Then the laughter of Federation torturers as they called him a fool. _She betrayed you! She was working for us all along. It was all an act and you fell for it. She never loved you._

Avon cried out again, the agony of betrayal.

His mind had known the truth but a small part of him had allowed himself to be fooled by the visions. He had wanted to believe them. Avon looked up at the interrogators as they roared with laughter. He was the ultimate fool.

Argus shook him again but to no avail.

Avon's mind was no longer registering where he was. Y_ou said you let me go. _Avon wished she hadn't said it. It would have been easier if she had never thought of him as anything but a fool. In that sentence, she had held out a cruel hope.

_Why, Anna? Why did you force me to kill you?_

The drugs may have been able to regulate Avon's physical responses but it could not stop his mind from shutting down. "Why…" Avon collapsed and fell forward as Argus caught him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Thirteen

_* Are you human? * _

Galena reacted to the unexpected question. "Well, of course I am. What a question to ask." Her mouth opened in shock as she realized that she had just been revealed. An ironic and appreciative smile appeared on her face. "Very clever, Cally." There was no sweet empty-headedness now, only sharp, cold intelligence.

"I thought so. You're Auron," said Cally.

"How did you know?" asked Galena.

"I didn't, until now. I can't identify how you did it. How you shielded yourself so well that I couldn't sense you; but it was too good. Only someone who was Auron or had detailed knowledge of how our psi abilities worked, would be able to put up a block that complete."

"Ah. The perfection was too perfect. I should have known better but I wasn't expecting a fellow Auron," remarked Galena wryly.

"What are you up to? Why are you causing these problems on the ship? We're the ones who rescued you," said Cally.

"I'm only trying to survive. Like you are," said Galena. "There aren't many of us left, as you well know. I'm trying to carry on the best way that I can in a universe that didn't care that our whole planet was wiped out. We have no advantages except what we make for ourselves."

"You never cared about Auron or our people," accused Cally. "You've always only been concerned about yourself. Otherwise you wouldn't have tried to take our technology and our psi abilities and try to use it for profit."

"So you know who I am?" There was a sly, calculating look in Galena's eyes. She was still the same beautiful woman, but she had taken on a dangerous edge.

"Not precisely. But it had to be one of you," said Cally. "Where's your partner?"

"Oh, we parted company years ago. A difference of opinion."

"Which one of you was responsible for the mind interceptor?" asked Cally with narrowed eyes.

"That was Lorne. I told her it was a bad idea. Those people were idealistic and treacherous; a hazardous combination, it was bound to go wrong. At least she was smart enough to get them to pay up front."

"Then you're Vanora."

"Yes and that means we're sisters," she said with a warm smile.

Cally did not feel the same warmth. This woman was from the same sibling group as she was, but from different aging clusters. That was why they had never met before. Vanora was ten years older than Cally.

"What did you do to your face?" asked Cally. Being from the same sibling group they should have looked similar. Galena only slightly resembled her.

"Something very expensive. Facial reconstruction on the cellular level can do wonders for a person's confidence," said Galena/Vanora.

"You still haven`t answered my question. Why have you been targeting the men on this ship? What is your motivation," asked Cally.

"I told you, I'm only trying to survive. And have a little fun."

"You call causing fights on the ship, as having fun?"

"Of course, it's fun, Cally. The silly men falling all over themselves; it's _highly_ amusing. You should actually be thanking me. You and Reya."

"Why would we be thanking you?" asked Cally suspiciously.

"I've shown that your men love you very much. Otherwise, they wouldn't have been able to resist my charms and focused themselves on you. I wasn't expecting that."

"We didn't need you to prove it to us. We already knew," said Cally.

"But isn't it better to have proof?" asked Galena engagingly.

"Love is about trust, not proof," said Cally.

"You were always a romantic, sister," said Galena with a disapproving shake of her head. "Well, now you have both. You know…if Franton were here, he would be putting all of us through the geno-scanners. To find out why so many of our sibling group ended up turning against our own people."

"I didn't turn against our people," said Cally. "I just didn't agree with their neutrality and isolation policy. I knew it would hurt us in the long run."

"And you were right. It left Auron helpless and we all became easy targets."

"I wish I had been wrong," said Cally sadly.

"At least we're still alive and both of us can take care of ourselves," said Galena. "Are you going to tell the others about me?"

"I have to. I will not keep this a secret from them. But if you tell us the truth, I will help you," said Cally.

"Somehow I knew you were going to say that." Galena/Vanora rolled her eyes.

At that moment, the door slid open and Reya came back into the cabin.

"It's time for some truth," said Reya.

**********

As Argus approached the medical bay, he wondered if Sester was really there or if he had managed to get around the security measures Avon had devised to prevent him from removing the tracer bracelet. He didn't know how technically proficient Sester was. Finding the psychostrategist incapacitated on the ground because he had run foul of one of Avon's security measures would not be something that Argus would mind.

He entered the open door and didn't see Sester. There was a snarl on his face as Argus immediately hit the comm button, "Zen…"

"You were looking for me?" The psychostrategist stepped out from behind one of the medical supply cabinets.

Argus stopped. "You're here…"

"Yes. It appears that way," said Sester with a bemused look on his face.

Argus said with displeasure, "You're _still_ here."

"You say that as if it has some significance," said Sester, still with amusement. "Did you expect me to be somewhere else?" The amusement turned into a smile, "Or were you hoping not to find me here?"

Argus snarled at him and said, "There's a situation on the ship. The men on this ship appear to be affected by something that makes them obsessed with Galena. Fights have been breaking out all over the ship."

"And you came to check up on me? I'm touched," said Sester with just a hint of sarcasm.

Argus glared at Sester, everything the man said and did aggravated him. He was certain that it was deliberate though Sester was much too clever to ever be overt about it. Argus remembered he had promised Reya that he wouldn't hurt Sester unless the man presented an active threat; although he doubted if his definition of what constituted an active threat from Sester was the same as hers.

Argus expelled a sharp breath of frustration and said, "I'm very tempted to lock you back up in your cabin."

"Until this crisis is over? Or until you decide to let me out again?" asked Sester.

"Keep provoking me and you'll find out," said Argus with a scowl.

Sester smiled and said pleasantly, "I don't think I'll do that."

"You think you're clever, don't you?" said Argus.

"I don't _think_ I am," said Sester, enjoying this game. He asked, "You said that all of the men are affected by what is going on? Does that include _you_?"

Just being in the same room with Sester, grated on Argus's nerves. He replied, "Both Avon and I are able to redirect whatever is happening onto someone else."

"Ah." Sester could guess who. He also realized why Argus was there and why he seemed even more out-of-sorts than normal around him. "You want to know if I've redirected mine as well."

"I _know_ you have," said Argus.

Sester's lips parted in a wry smile. Games of words were no longer enough. He wanted something more; _he needed it_.

"I can hardly deny that since you've caught me doing _inventory. For Reya_," he said sardonically. Sester words and tone were surprising even himself. He was being deliberately aggressive, something he had never intended; he had planned a much more devious approach, something Argus would not have been able to fight. But for some reason, Sester had a need to assert his challenge.

Argus was surprised at the admission. He wondered what Sester was up to. "I'm glad you've decided to tell me the truth."

"I don't have a reason not to," said Sester with sudden antagonism.

Argus's face was hard. He recognized a challenge when he heard one. "You're trying to tell me something?"

"I hope I'm not being too subtle," said Sester.

Sester knew that what he was feeling and doing was most likely due to the influence of whatever was affecting the men on the ship. But it was also something that he wanted; it was hard to divide the one from the other. The separation was only in the degrees. He couldn't help himself.

There was a low growl in Argus's throat as he said, "Don't make the mistake of thinking you can challenge me, Sester. You're not good enough for that. I can take you apart very effectively without sparing it a second thought."

"I know you can. But I also know that you _won't_." There was a sinister and superior smile on Sester's lips.

"Won't I?" Argus took a menacing step towards Sester. Sester stood his ground; the smile never leaving his lips. There was no indication on his face that he was concerned in any way.

"No. You won't. Because you love her. And she doesn't want you to hurt me. Does she? She doesn't realize that she can't have both of us."

The tension in the air between the two men was so strong that only a fool would have tried to get between them.

"She doesn't want you." Argus's eyes flashed with anger.

"Are you sure _she's_ certain of that? I don't think she is. Otherwise she would have told you about our meetings in the corridor. Oh. She didn't tell you about those? I was very bad but she didn't tell you. I wonder why not? Why don't you ask her?" Sester knew that he was skirting close to the edge. It was dangerous and exhilarating; and fulfilled his need to assert his dominance over Argus. The other man had what he wanted and he was going to take it from him. He could see that anger and frustration in Argus's eyes.

Argus said in a voice that was tight with the stress of trying to control his violent feelings. "I should never have allowed you onboard this ship." He felt like a dangerous but caged animal. Argus hated Sester; the other man understood him. He knew that Argus would never betray Reya's trust by substituting his own interpretation on what he had promised her, no matter how much he wanted to. She was too important to him to do that.

Sester sensed that he had won this battle. "No. You shouldn't have. And as long as I don't do anything which _Reya_ considers a threat, you can't do anything. Or she will never forgive you."

Argus's voice was ice cold when he responded. "Don't cross the line, Sester. You won't live to enjoy it."

**********

In Vila's cabin, things were much calmer but that didn't mean that nothing was happening. There was a lot of thinking going on. Rather than resting, as Argus had told him to, Vila was sitting and planning. The scuffles on the flight deck told him that he needed to be much smarter about how he was going to achieve his aims.

Argus would be able to control the soldiers. Vila had no doubt about that and he would be as helpful as he could in that respect. The last thing he needed was lots of muscular competition for _his_ Galena.

Argus and Avon didn't seem to be much of a threat. They had their own priorities, which was fine by him. Less competition was always good. With everyone else on the ship paired up, Vila had been feeling left out. Now was his chance.

He wondered if he should consider asking Sester to help. The psychostrategist wasn't a rival either; he was much too occupied with someone else. Vila felt a pang of guilt. He knew that he should tell someone about Sester but he had other priorities now. He could tell them all later. For now, Sester was too useful as an ally. The man's feelings about Reya could be used as incentive or leverage.

Vila got up and went looking for Sester.

Chapter Fourteen

After making sure Argus was moving safely away from the direction of Galena's cabin, Reya went back inside. There were some very important questions which needed to be asked and she was determined to ask them.

"It's time for some truth," said Reya. From the way Cally and Galena were looking at each other when she entered, she knew that something had happened while she was outside with Argus.

"Did I miss something?" she asked.

"Is Argus fine?" asked Cally. She had been aware of the strong emanation of emotions from outside the cabin and wondered if something had happened.

"He'll be alright. It's up to us to get to the bottom of this. None of the men can be trusted to act rationally with all of this going on," said Reya.

"I think we're partway there already," said Cally, looking pointedly at Galena/Vanora.

Reya's eyebrows lifted in question. "Seems that I missed a lot then."

Cally said, "Galena and I have been having a very interesting conversation. To start off with, she's not human.

Reya was alarmed. "You mean she's one of the aliens?"

"No. She's an Auron like me. But she left a long time ago to go her own way," said Cally.

"What was she doing with my brother? And what is she doing with the men on this ship?" asked Reya. She glanced briefly at Cally. She didn't know much about the Aurons, or for that matter the alien aspects of Cally; but she hoped that this wasn't something that Cally had kept from her. Her instincts still told her that she could trust Cally. She kept an open mind, but not too open.

"All very good questions," said Cally. She turned to Galena. "And I hope you will provide all the answers."

Galena/Vanora had a guarded look on her face. "If I have to."

"I was serious when I said that I would help you; but only if you tell us the truth," Cally said to her.

There was still a reluctant expression on Galena/Vanora's face. "What do you want to know?"

"Tell Reya who you are."

"Alright. My real name is Vanora. As Cally said, I'm an Auron. In fact, I am Cally's sister; but we're from different gestation clusters. I'm ten years older than she is."

"I knew that you looked similar," said Reya. "You have related bone structures. You must have had reconstruction surgery done to alter your appearance?"

"Yes, soon after I left Auron," replied Galena/Vanora. She continued, "My specialization was in augmented telepathic projection. When my people discovered that Franton's cloning technology resulted in psi abilities cropping up in certain sibling groups, project teams were formed to research what was happening. Some concentrated on the cloning technology itself. I was assigned to a project group which explored the possibilities of telepathic projection with non-Auron species."

"It was very controversial," said Cally. She could remember the many heated discussions and the final formal debates in the Communion chamber. The majority had overridden people like Vanora. It was the first time the Chamber of Telepathic Union had witnessed such great conflict. Cally knew that Vanora still harboured great anger and resentment over what happened. She didn't require telepathic access to know that.

Reya asked, "Why was it controversial? Did you try to read non-Auron minds as well as communicate with them?" The idea that someone could read her mind without her consent made her skin crawl.

"No. Nothing like that," said Galena/Vanora. When she spoke, she had taken on the tone of a scientist. "Reading another person's mind is not that simple, even between Aurons, except with those who have high telepathic affinity; such as ones in the same sibling group. There are many complications and with alien minds, it is virtually impossible except in the rare cases where the subjects are highly attuned to each other. Normally we are only vaguely aware of emotional landscapes. With other Aurons, we can only easily read surface thoughts and emotions."

"Then what did you research?" asked Reya. She was somewhat relieved but not by much.

"My group looked into the possibility of artificially producing and enhancing the frequency waves involved in telepathic communication. And adjusting them to alien physiology."

"That still doesn't sound worthy of controversy."

"It's not controversial if the signal is used purely for communications but it is if used for offensive applications."

Cally said accusingly, "Such as sending an oscillating pulse tone which is used to trigger and maintain a preconditioned hypnotic response. They did that with Blake. Using it they were able to control his actions."

Galena/Vanora said, "A very simple application. Some of us believed that being neutral shouldn't mean being helpless. We may not develop weapons which kill and destroy but when the psi abilities were discovered among cloned generations, some factions in our society saw it as a way to create a peaceful means of defence. In this case developing a mind interceptor which targeted the pilots of any alien force which could threaten Auron."

"It was wrong," said Cally.

"Some believed that," said Galena/Vanora. "We didn't."

"It is tantamount to taking over another person's will and reducing them to puppets. How would that make us any different from the Federation?"

"You of all people should have understood," said Galena/Vanora. "You thought that our isolation policy was wrong too. When you were exiled, you gave your service to rebels who were fighting the Federation."

"That was different," said Cally.

Galena/Vanora smiled wryly. "We both wanted what we felt was best for Auron but the pacifistic majority shouted us down. Literally. Telepathic communion enforces majority rule, if nothing else. My project group was shut down and all of the information destroyed; but not before I and another member of my team copied all of the research data and we escaped."

"You stole it," accused Cally.

"It was our research and they were just going to destroy it. They treated us like criminals even though our only intent was for the good of Auron."

"Don't make yourself out to be noble, Vanora. When you left, the only thing you sought was profit," said Cally.

"What else could we do, Cally? We were now alone, with no one to turn to for support. No resources. Did you know that they sent telepath teams out to search for us? We had to do what we could to survive."

"You sold our Auron heritage to anyone who could pay," accused Cally.

"Not to anyone," said Galena. "We never sold our services to the Federation."

Reya decided that now was a good time for some intervention on her part. "Alright, you've given us your background. But you still haven't told us why you've been playing havoc with the men on this ship. This ability to affect the men, does it come out of your research?"

"Partially. It was a lucky accident. I continued doing research on our psi abilities after leaving Auron. Testing and building up my own. I'd like to think that I know more about our telepathic capabilities than any Auron alive. But that wouldn't be saying much these days. I've been playing around with mental projection abilities as well as artificial. One of the things Aurons can do is project telepathic communications into Terran minds. It doesn't always work and not all Terran minds are receptive to telepathic communication waves. Your brains are different and the waves are too complex for some minds. The results were erratic. I began exploring the lower telepathic frequencies, ones that work at the near-subconscious level. The signal is much simpler, closer to the oscillating pulse tone but most produced very little in the way of useful effects, except for one area. This one was tied to the pheromone receptors in the brain."

"That's how you did it," said Cally, her eyes widening in understanding.

"Yes. And no."

"What do you mean?" asked Reya.

"With my own abilities, I can affect one or two people at a time. I have to specifically target those areas in the subject brains."

"But everyone on the ship is affected," said Cally.

"Yes. This has been troubling. I've never been able to affect this many people at one time before. At least, not until I came on this ship. And I seem to need to target it anymore either. It seems to work subconsciously now. At first it was interesting exploring this new development but I seem to have lost control over it recently. I can't stop it. I've tried."

"How can we believe that?" asked Cally.

"There is one way to convince you," said Galena/Vanora. "I will open my mind and you can find out for yourself."

Cally said. "I don't want to do that." Even though Aurons were telepathically connected, they were always careful to respect each other's boundaries.

"It's the quickest way to know the truth," said Galena/Vanora. "I am willing to let you do this. You're not forcing me. If what you say is true about what is happening on the ship, the faster we trust each other and work together the better."

Cally was still very reluctant, but she agreed. "Alright."

Galena/Vanora sat down. "It works better with physical contact."

"Yes, I know," said Cally as she sat down beside her. She had discovered this when trying to help Avon.

Galena/Vanora closed her eyes and put her hands on the table. Cally reached out and covered the other woman's hands with her own. At the contact, Cally gasped as a familiar Auron mind was opened to her. She hadn't felt this in a long time; she was surprised to find how much she missed this connectedness. As she began to travel along the mental landscape of the other woman's mind, Cally was amazed at the amount of control Vanora had. This was a highly developed telepathic ability. She felt ashamed that hers seem barely formed compared to this.

*_ You are capable of this as well, little sister. You only need to practice and experiment. _* Vanora's mental voice was clear and melodic._ * You may surprise yourself. *_

*_ How have you been able to block me?_ * asked Cally.

Vanora sent her a mental impression of a smile. * _There are some things, which I must keep for myself. The areas containing the information you need are open. You must understand if I don't allow you access to everything. _*

Cally's explorations began to touch areas containing the memories she was interested in. At times it seemed as if she were experiencing a muted version of them; limited by a single perspective. She could even feel what the other woman had felt during the occurrences of the memories.

_The kidnapping. The encounter with Ellis. Being held captive and moved repeatedly to prevent people finding out where she was. Then installed at the location where she had been rescued._

"They found out you were Auronar? " asked Cally. She voiced her thoughts so that Reya could follow what was going on.

Vanora did the same, "Yes, I was injured when I was taken. They had medical personnel who treated me. They seemed very interested when they found out that I was Auronar but they barely asked me any questions. And other than the medical treatment for my injuries, they didn't attempt to do any examinations of my brain or anything else. They never suspected I was a scientist and I was careful never to let them know I had any knowledge which was useful to them."

"Do you think that the aliens are responsible for what is happening on the ship? Could they have tampered with your psi abilities?" asked Reya as Cally continued exploring the other woman's memories.

"I don't see how. Other than for a couple of examinations, they didn't do anything else," said Vanora.

Cally withdrew from the other woman's mind and let go of her hands. Vanora opened her eyes.

"But Avon found that Ellis has been conducting extensive medical research. This has to tie into it somehow," said Reya. "It's too much of a coincidence."

"I agree," said Cally. She asked Vanora, "Could they have drugged you?"

The woman replied, "You must know that even in an unconscious state, the mind still registers activity. Do you find any indications?"

Cally said, "No. But we don't know what capabilities that the aliens who are with Ellis have. They may be able to render you completely unaware, even on an unconscious level."

"If that's true, then they could very well have tampered with my psi abilities." The look on her face was of someone who just realized something very unpleasant. "Cally, I could not read any of the aliens. They are completely closed to Auron abilities."

Cally asked, "Even the low frequency ones you've been using to provoke a pheromone response?"

"Yes. At first, I thought that they had blocked my abilities but I realized after awhile that almost all of the ones they had with me were alien. It was a waste of time trying."

Reya looked thoughtful, "If they are somehow able to use your ability to influence the men on a mass level but are immune to it themselves, then they've just made you into a powerful weapon. For them."

Vanora said, "But my ability to provoke a pheromone response has always been to attract men and make them more agreeable to what I want them to do. It's never caused this kind of aggression before."

"Until now," said Reya.

"They must have been able to increase the strength and range of the effects then," said Vanora.

Cally asked, "You said that you've lost control over this ability?"

"Just recently. It seems to be working independent of my conscious will. I can't stop it."

"How recent?" asked Reya.

Vanora thought for a few moments. "Not long after I talked to your brother."

"That can't be another coincidence," said Reya.

They looked at each other. Cally said, "We have to find a way to stop it or block its effects."

"And we need to find out where that medical research facility is," said Reya.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Fifteen

"Did you follow my instructions?" Avon asked Vila.

With a big smile on his face, Vila said, "Absolutely."

"No unusual colours? Nothing too ostentatious?" Avon wanted to make certain. "Nothing embarrassing?"

"Would I do that to you?" asked Vila with mock horror.

Avon said dryly, "You did to Argus."

Vila said with a smirk, "You mean my advice about wearing less threatening colours?"

"Your memory is unimpaired."

Vila almost burst out laughing. "_He's_ the one who picked the pink."

"You didn't stop him." The corners of Avon's lips curled slightly in a smile. It had been funny.

"Well, he _is_ Argus. I wouldn't dare do it to you," said Vila.

Avon's eyebrows rose. "You wouldn't?"

Vila asked, "Weren't we here to do something?"

"Yes we were. Or rather, I was," said Avon. He looked at the closed door to the small wardrobe room that had been set up for him. Avon rubbed his palm nervously. He knew that it was irrational that such a small task should seem so daunting. His heart was starting to race but he was determined.

Vila tried to keep the sympathy out of his face. He asked tentatively, "Do…you want me to go in with you?"

"_No!_" Avon said in a tight voice. He said it with more force than he intended. "_I_ have to do this." He swiped his hand across the door panel and stepped inside.

_I can do this._

He applied his mind to the task. Breaking his task down to logical steps.

Need pants. Then shirt. Jacket. Avon rummaged around the shelves. He reached for a familiar and comforting black. _No. Not black. Something else. _He forced himself to look at the new clothes. There were so many colours now. He had asked Vila to add colours to his wardrobe.

_If not black, then which? Which one do I chose?_ Personal choice. What did he want? What did he _feel_ like? What colour was he? Irrational panic began to fill his mind. _I don't know. Why don't I know? Why can't I do this? _Avon felt dizzy. He held onto a shelf for support.

_I used to be able to do this. _Avon's hand curled into a fist as he tried to conquer this.

Servalan's mocking voice said in his mind, _Obviously, you can't, Avon. Not anymore. I define…_

"No!" Avon's fist came down on the shelf in anger and frustration. "You will not win. I will not let you."

*_ Avon, are you alright? _* Cally's voice in his head always managed to sound calm. Avon knew that he was worrying her again. She wouldn't be projecting to him if she wasn't.

He sent his thoughts out for her, *_ Yes, I'm fine. Only a minor difficulty. I can manage. _* If he could not overcome something this trivial, then he was useless. He had to do this, had to regain more of who he was. There was so little time and it had been getting worse every day. The patches barely helped anymore. He had to use so many of them lately that if Cally knew, she would never want to leave his side. He tried to not think of it. Avon didn't want to worry Cally more than she already was.

There was a pause and then Cally said, *_ Alright, Avon. Take care of yourself. _* Along with her voice came a gentle wave of calm and quiet strength. Nothing intrusive. It was her normal presence brushing up against the edges of his mind, a source of peace. She always knew what he needed.

Avon found that the brief communication with Cally had helped slow his racing heart. He was able to quash down the panic without resorting to drugs. The control had returned but there was still a problem. The clothes awaited his decision.

He looked at the shelves full of clothing. He saw that there were not a myriad of colours as he had thought earlier. There were only a few. Shades of blue, white, silver and some remnants of black. Not that many but it had still been enough to panic him earlier.

Avon realized that Vila had put a lot of thought into these choices by limiting the colour selection and picking these particular ones. He recognized some of the colours from his past. It helped reduce the panic that lurked like a predator just beneath the surface.

He still didn't know what to chose. _What do I want?_ He could have randomly grabbed items from the shelves. Functionally it didn't matter which colour combinations he chose as long as he had one item of each, but it bothered him that he seemed to have lost this sense of self. The capacity of wanting something for himself had been taken away from him.

No. That wasn't quite true. There was something they had not been able to take away. He had chosen Cally. No one could take that from him, not even Servalan.

Avon knew how to decide. A soft smile touched his lips as he kept an image firmly in his mind; a mental picture of Cally as she had been this morning before she went to the flight deck.

Avon touched the clothes on the shelves. He knew the colours he wanted. With the narrowing of the choice, his decision became less stressful. He had a rationale for what he wanted.

_Not the same colours. That would be…disturbing. _Not to mention embarrassing.

_A different shade perhaps. _Avon carefully chose several items and changed into them.

**********

Outside the wardrobe room, Vila paced anxiously as he waited for Avon. He knew how difficult it was for Avon and how frustrated he could get with himself. A banging sound from the room earlier had almost sent him rushing in to see if anything was wrong. There had been no repetitions so he concluded that Avon may have accidentally bumped into something. Vila didn't want to disturb him unless he had to. Avon had made it clear he wanted to do this on his own.

Vila looked at the closed door again in sympathy. _It must be hard not even being able to chose your own clothes._ He hoped that Avon was doing alright by himself.

It was strange thinking of Avon this way. Avon had always been strong; he had always projected that image. Avon had never needed anyone before, or at least he had never admitted to it. His protests and denials had been strong, sometimes fierce.

Vila had believed it. Most of the time. Blake and Avon were the strongest man he had ever known. They were both tough survivors; they provided strength for others. Vila had always looked to them to keep him safe, to make the decisions and to provide direction.

Things were different now, of course. Avon could barely take care of himself. He tried hard to be the man he was before; someone they could all depend on. In some ways, Avon was. Vila knew that he trusted him more than he had in the past. The Avon he had known before was mercurial. You never knew why he did some of the things he did. Sometimes he seemed to care, risking his life for them when no one else would. Then he would turn around and do something that would disappoint you and made you question what his motivations were.

Vila smiled. He was different now too; he was stronger and he made his own decisions. No one would drag him along anymore. He had chosen to stay on this ship because he wanted to follow these people's goals, not just because someone was there to lead him or because he had no place else to go.

His choice. His decision. It felt good.

These people respected him for something more than his skills as a thief. They actually listened to what he had to say sometimes. That had felt very good.

Vila looked at the door again. Avon needed other people's strength now. Vila was determined to help him despite his stubbornness.

The door slid open and Avon stepped out wearing his new clothes. Vila's mouth dropped open in surprise.

Avon asked self-consciously, "What do you think?" He was wearing a soft blue shirt over black pants and a dark blue close-fitting jacket.

"It…" Vila recognized the colours. "It looks good." Vila wondered if Avon knew what he had done.

"Do you think she'll like it?"

Vila smiled. Avon did know. "You picked these colours because of Cally?"

Avon pulled on the edge of the jacket uncomfortably as he answered. "Yes."

"She'll love it." Vila took him by the arm and began moving towards the flight deck. "Let's go show it to her."

Avon was dragged along reluctantly. "I don't…" He suddenly stood still, causing Vila to stop.

He stared at Vila for a moment and then he said, "Thank you, Vila."

Vila grinned. "That's what friends are for, isn't it? Let's go."

**********

Argus, Cally and Reya were already gathered on the flight deck when they got there.

Argus said, "Oh good. You're both here. I was about to find you." He stopped and stared at Avon. The others were doing something similar. They all looked from Avon to Cally and back again.

Cally's said with gentle amazement, "Avon."

Avon was extremely uncomfortable at the attention and fought the urge to tug on the ends of the jacket. It felt too tight for some reason. He did not want to be here were all eyes were focused on his choice of clothing. Avon wondered if he had made a mistake.

There was one set of eyes that drew him and stilled his desire to flee. He went towards her with Vila at his side. Cally's eyes held softness and strength; love and encouragement. She was proud of him.

Avon addressed Argus, "You were looking for us?"

Argus replied, "We were discussing Sester. I questioned him after he talked to Servalan and he said that she had very little information about Grant. I think he's hiding something. He knows more than he told me."

Avon said, "That's always a good position to take with Sester. What do you propose?"

Argus glanced at Reya. "Reya and Cally can question him."

Reya wanted to say no but she agreed with the others. They had to find out what Sester was hiding. As much as she wanted to believe that it wasn't true, she _was_ the best person to talk to him. "Alright."

Argus said to Vila, "I'd like to keep you out of this part of it. It will keep him guessing about your role."

Vila grinned, "I like out-psyching the psychostrategist."

Ever cautious, Avon said, "Assuming he hasn't already guessed what we're going to do."

**********

After being questioned by Argus on the flight deck, Sester knew that it was only a matter of time before the man tried something else. He had also guessed who they would send so he wasn't at all surprised when Reya and Cally entered his room.

Sester had carefully planned what he was going to say. He had deliberately not told Argus anything useful.

In order for people to believe what you want them to believe, you have to tell them a little of the truth. And to make that truth seem larger than it was, you had to make them work for it. Then they would think themselves clever when they obtained what they thought they were after.

Sester had always enjoyed interacting with Reya and Cally. They were both a lot of fun when they were not so suspicious of him. He was looking forward to reminding them of it.

He would have to be careful though. The obstacles he had to manoeuvre with these two were tricky. He had made a personal commitment not to lie to Reya directly and he knew that Cally was able to sense emotional states in humans. It was going to be an enjoyable challenge.

Sester gave them a warm smile as he invited them in, "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Cally said icily, "This is not a social visit."

There was a light accusatory tone in his voice that was mitigated by his easy smile. "I have no doubt of that. Neither of you would be here unless you wanted something from me." He gestured to the chairs. "But things will be much easier if we can keep this civil."

Cally sat down opposite him. "That depends on you."

He waited for Reya to sit as well before he took his own seat. Sester sat back casually. "You know me, Cally. I always try to be agreeable."

Cally was determined not to be taken in by his warm and easy charm. "Especially when you're trying to be devious."

Sester smiled at her attitude of mistrust. "_And_ when I'm not."

Reya had been silently listening and watching. "Sester. Is what you told Argus true? Did Servalan tell you nothing about Grant? Does she really have no ulterior motives concerning him?"

Sester regarded her with interested appreciation. She was always so direct and cut through his attempts at diversion with ease. "You already know my answer to Argus." He gave a disappointed and heavy sigh. "But you don't believe me, do you?"

She challenged him, "Give me a reason to believe you."

Her sincerity was unforced. She never had a need to try to sound convincing. Reya always meant what she said. She did want to believe him.

Sester was reminded why he couldn't let go of Reya. He was aware that he was in danger of compromising his objectivity again. It was very easy with her. He refocused his mind on his task.

Sester looked at Cally and then at Reya. He smiled amiably, as if he was enjoying himself, which he was. "Reya, I'm disappointed in you. This is a very old interrogation technique."

Reya said, "You think that we're trying to manipulate you into telling us the truth?"

"Aren't you? One _sympathetic_ questioner." He looked pointedly at her and then at Cally. "And one decidedly _not_. I saw much more creativity from you when we were trapped on Papos." His eyes widened as if he had suddenly realized something. "Ah. This wasn't your idea, was it?"

Cally asked with suspicion, "What do you mean?"

"This attempt at manipulation wasn't yours. Shall I guess whose it was?"

Cally said antagonistically, "Are you saying that we were manoeuvred in order to manipulate you?"

"_Manipulation_ is such a dirty word. It's something psychostrategists are very good at. When your side does it, I'm sure there is a much more pleasant and respectable word for it." His easy smile quickly became an agreeably cynical one. "Don't tell me that it was an accident that the two of you were picked to come here to question me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry. It is a valid technique and very effective under most circumstances. But against me?"

Reya said, "Are you saying that you're not going to tell us anything?"

"I am saying that if you want me to tell you anything, then either stop playing games or be much more clever."

Cally's cynicism was conveyed without a smile. "That could almost be funny coming from you."

Reya confronted him, "You keep saying that you want to help Avon. You can help him now. Tell us what Servalan said concerning Grant."

Sester allowed a faintly troubled and conflicted look to appear in his eyes. It was time to reveal the only thing he was prepared to tell them. He sat up and facing Cally said, "You may not want Avon to know. He might decide to do something that could have dangerous consequences. It all depends on what kind of man Grant is. I don't have enough information to determine what Grant would do."

Cally said sarcastically, "Are you saying that you withheld the truth because you were concerned about Avon?"

Sester continued to sound sincere. "And you." The truth was he was doing this because he did care about Avon and Cally. He just wasn't prepared to tell them the full truth about the details. "I don't expect you to believe me though."

Cally was tired of hearing words that did not tell her anything useful. "Then prove your intentions."

Sester said resignedly, "Very well. Don't say that I didn't warn you." He paused, as if he were weighing his words. Servalan deliberately steered all of you to Solteral because she knew that Grant was there. She knew how Argus would react to the list of probable alien threats that she provided. She knew that he would go there."

Reya said, "She's trying to kill Avon?"

Cally was angry. "That woman's word is worth nothing. I knew she would double-cross us."

Sester shook his head. "You're thinking too simply. Nothing is that straight-forward with the Federation President. She is not trying to kill Avon. Servalan has no intention of breaking her agreement with you. She knows your value until the alien threat is over. Her interest in Avon requires him to continue living."

Sester's words made Cally even angrier. "Then why is she doing this?"

"You're assuming that Grant wants to kill Avon for the death of his sister. That might be true, providing that Grant knows what really happened to Anna."

Reya looked at him curiously, "You mean that Grant may not know?"

"I am saying that Grant _doesn't_ know. That is the information I found out from Servalan."

A look passed between Cally and Reya; something that was not lost on Sester. He almost smiled. He had calculated this part as well. There had been a strong possibility that the crew had guessed that Grant didn't know about Anna. He had just confirmed it for them.

Sester asked them, "You know already?"

Cally said, "You haven't said anything that we didn't already suspect."

There was a hint of regret in his tone. "Then my information is useless."

Reya said, "It's not useless. We had guessed that Grant wasn't aware of the truth. Now we know."

Cally was still not sure of him. "Why did you try to keep this information from Avon? What did you have to gain? Or is there something else you're not telling us?"

Sester sighed again at her continued suspicions. "You should already know why I tried to keep it from Avon. The condition I saw him on the flight deck, it's gotten worse since you began to suspect that Grant doesn't know, hasn't it?"

Cally started in surprise. She hadn't noticed the correlation before but now that Sester had said it, it did seem that way. "How did you know?"

"It was inevitable."

Reya said, "I don't understand. Why would it be?"

Sester almost grimaced as he said, "Servalan's cruelty. She knew what seeing Grant would do to Avon because of the nightmares that she…that I had inflicted on him regarding Anna. Knowing that Grant wanted to kill him, gave Avon's mind peace of sorts. Grant killing him was something he could accept."

Sester was feeling uncomfortable in the chair. He got up and began working out the stiffness he felt. "The knowledge that Grant may not be aware of the truth, changed all that. He now faces the task of having to tell Grant about Anna. Avon won't let anyone else do it. It will be like reliving the nightmare for him but this time it is a little more real because Grant is real. He wants Grant to know because he wants Grant to hate him but at the same time…

Cally said with sudden comprehension, "He wants Grant to forgive him?"

Sester smiled sadly, "Yes, because no matter who Anna was or what she did to him, Avon has never been able to forgive himself for killing her. I doubt he's even aware of it on a conscious level." A look of guilt crossed his face. "That was why it was very effective as a way to torture him."

Cally said vehemently, "You bastard!"

"Yes. I am. I was, but I am trying to help him now. That is why I tried to keep this information from Avon. I knew what it would do to him."

Reya said, "But Avon would have found out once he saw Grant."

Sester faced her. "Yes but then he would not have had the information for a week and have it work on his mind. He would have been able to face Grant fresh. It would have given him a chance to deal with it. But this way, he gets weaker every day. His mind cannot cope with the flood of memories and emotions, and it has started to shut down. His panic attacks increase because it is harder to maintain control."

Reya asked, "Servalan wanted this to happen?"

Sester was looking increasingly guilty. "Yes. She wanted me to tell Avon because she knew the effect it would have on him. You were never supposed to know that she was behind it. I was meant to suggest the idea as a possibility."

"She wants to hurt him," said Cally. "She always wants to hurt him." Cally was angry at Servalan and Sester but most of all she was angry at herself for not knowing sooner. _I have been closer to Avon than anyone. I should have known! _

Sester said, "In her own twisted way, Servalan misses Avon and she misses the control she had over him."

Reya's voice had lost some of its suspicion. "You weren't supposed to tell us of Servalan's involvement?"

"That's right."

"But you did."

Sester looked at both of them. "I hope you won't let her know that I told you."

Cally was still wary of him. "Why do you work for such a woman? What do you get out of it?"

Sester said, "You would never understand so I won't try to explain it to you."

Reya wanted to press him further but his tone did not invite further questions.

Sester had told them what he intended to. It was nothing helpful, but unbeknownst to them, it was not meant to be. The most crucial information, he had kept to himself. Avon could never know it.

He said to them, "I wish that I was able to do more. Now that Avon knows about Grant… I hope that he will still be strong enough to face him and to resolve this, but Cally you must watch Avon carefully. Reya and the others can protect him from Grant but you're the only one who can protect Avon from himself."

**********

While Reya reported what Sester had said to Argus and Vila, Cally wanted to speak privately to Avon. She led him to their cabin. When the door opened and they went inside, Cally stood astonished at what she saw, or rather at what she didn't see. The cot that Avon normally slept on beside her bunk, was gone. The old bunk was also gone, replaced by a wider one.

Turning towards him, her voice came out in a whisper, "Avon."

Avon put his arms around her and held her close. "Are you pleased?"

He had done so much today to try to give her something more that it filled her with a sense of apprehension, as Sester's admonition rang in her ears.

_You're the only one who can protect Avon from himself._

Avon was trying to rush things. She was afraid of what it might mean; fearful of why he thought he had to do this. Cally hugged him fiercely; as if by holding onto him, he would not slip away.

Avon was surprised by the intensity of her response. He tilted her head up. For a moment their eyes locked and then they kissed each other.

Ever since that first night their passion had not abated, it had only deepened. They were finally able to explore the intimacies possible between an Auronar and a Terran who had an unusually sensitive mind.

Their hands explored each other's bodies as they helped the other to undress. Cally was careful as Avon still had involuntary reactions that triggered fear and repulsion. Her caresses were as much with her mind as they were physical. Each slow, gentle stroke was accompanied by the soft brush of her mind against his. The physical sensations and the mental ones fed and intensified each other. His barriers softened as he allowed her more access to his mind.

Avon felt closer to her than he felt to anyone else before. He had never trusted anyone to this extent before, not even people he cared about, not even Anna. Every step with Cally had that self-protective part of himself screaming not to do it, but his physical and emotional need for her demanded it.

Each day he could feel time slipping away from them as he lost further control of his mind. He wanted to do this while he still could; for her and for himself.

Avon tried to pushed down the paranoia and fear, letting her seek the joining she was afraid would never be possible. It was a frightening thing to do, something completely against his nature. Cally was gentle, letting him take the lead on what he was willing to do, as she continued to caress his mind and body. Helping him to relax. Encouraging him.

She whispered his name as he allowed her in further. *_ Avon. _* Her presence was soft and loving; providing the peace and security he needed.

Avon was filled with trepidation as Cally lightly touched areas of his mind that he had always kept deeply hidden. He could feel her curiosity but was relieved when she didn't pry further.

Was she afraid of what she would find? Or was it because she respected his privacy?

Avon's breath caught in his throat as her mind found an area of desire. His self-doubts and insecurities were swept away as they fell onto the bed and concentrated on seeking the places where the other was most sensitive. Slow and sensual, teasing and gentle, and finally intense and overwhelming; each one reaching deep into the other, until, at the height of their release, each touch of flesh caused tremors of pleasure through their joined consciousnesses.

Chapter Sixteen

Avon and Cally stood waiting on the teleport platform. Argus had taken Reya and a team of the soldiers down first in order to secure the location and make sure there were no 'surprises' waiting for them.

One of the Athol engineers was at the teleport control station, waiting for orders to send them down. Vila was on the flight deck, nervously watching for any sign of Federation activity.

Avon rubbed his palm absently. The teleport room seemed to be getting hot and he was already sweating. He tugged at the collar of his jacket. It seemed too tight around his neck and he was having trouble breathing. Avon rubbed his palm again; he wished he had the metal tension balls he used to use on the _Liberator_.

Did Grant know? That was the key question that would determine the reception the advance team would receive. Other than a message that they were down and safe, there had been no further communication from Argus.

Were they in trouble? Had it been a trap after all? If it was, then he had endangered them. Grant wanted him. Grant…

Cally's voice intruded into his thoughts. *_ Avon, don't do this. They're fine; I have no impressions of danger from them. _*

Avon felt like unzipping the suit partway so that he could get some air. He glanced at her, *_ Are you telling me not to worry needlessly? Isn't that a logical reaction, not a human one? _*

She brushed the edges of his anxious mind with her own calm. * _But you are making yourself ill. It is good to worry but it doesn't help anyone if you incapacitate yourself. _ *

The light touch of Cally's mind was comforting. It reminded him to do the breathing exercises she had taught him.

Control. _Cannot lose control. But what if…_ Avon rubbed his palm again. _Remain calm. There is no use in worrying. Cally is right. If I allow these emotions to get hold of me, I will be of no help to anyone._

He used to be able to control the emotions much better than this. Cold, icy rationality that could push down most feelings and reduce everything to a logical exercise. Unless someone he cared about was hurt or in danger.

Someone he cared about…

_No. It can't be._

What was the mantra he used to use? It was about sentiment. His mind was so preoccupied with Grant and the safety of the advance team that his thoughts were fragmented. What was that about sentiment?

Let it get hold of you and you're dead.

Yes. That was it. _Let sentiment get hold of you and you're dead._ How many times had he said that? How many times had he tried to convince himself of it?

If he let sentiment get hold of him this time, the others would die. No. It didn't make sense. Sentiment. Denying it should save him. No. It never did. It was a false sense of security. It isolated him and made him vulnerable. He knew that now. He shouldn't be trying to squash it again. Cally wouldn't want him to.

But he couldn't function this way. Cally was right, it was incapacitating him. So many emotions taking control. _I have to regain…I can't…Sentiment cannot take control. I cannot deny sentiment._ The conflict was…

A flash of memory. A cold, mechanical voice. _Do not allow emotions to influence your mind. Control must be maintained. Logic must…_

A stab of pain and a flash of light inside his mind. Avon gasped and held his head. He staggered against Cally.

"Avon!" She put her arms around Avon to steady him. The engineer quickly came over to help.

Avon steadied himself. "I'm fine."

Cally's voice was full of concern and her eyes were troubled. She always seemed to sound this way these days. "I don't think you should go down. I'll tell Argus."

Avon put his hand over hers as Cally brought up her teleport bracelet. "No. We have to go down. Don't tell him."

She tried to convince him, "You can't, Avon. Not like this."

Avon kept his hand on hers and sent his thoughts out to her. * _I have to, Cally. I need to do this while I can. _*

Cally knew that something had changed for Avon. *_ It's no longer just about Grant, is it? _*

He told her, _* No, it's not about Grant. If this is the last thing I am to do, I want it to mean something, to both of us. *_

Cally's stomach felt ill at the tone in his voice. He was a man planning for the end. *_ You want to save the Solterans? _*

_* Yes. _*

Argus's voice came over the speaker. "This is Argus. It's all clear. Send them down."

Avon looked at Cally. After awhile, she nodded slowly.

Avon said, * _Thank you, Cally. _*

*_ Alright, Avon. _*

**********

The coordinates provided by Grant led to large, bare room with walls the same uninviting and unimaginative grey colour as most Federation complexes. A large exit was on one end. There was a group of rebels guarding it. At the far end were two closed doors. Intermittent sounds of weapons fire and the occasional explosion could be heard.

When Argus and the advance team arrived at the given coordinates, they found a reception committee waiting. A group of men dressed in white and grey fatigues, each carrying a rifle.

The two groups eyed each other warily and held their weapons closely but not pointed at each other. If anyone made a wrong move, it could very easily be the last one for them.

Reya was alert and her senses were on heightened awareness. She was a professional doing a job. The geography of their location, and the exact number and position of everyone in the room and all of the exits were already imaged in her mind. Her mind was set to notice any changes.

The welcoming group had made no hostile movements but neither had they proven particularly friendly yet. All of this information filtered into her mind instinctively and only took a few seconds.

Argus took a slow, unthreatening step forward, keeping his hands clear of his weapons. "I'm Drel Argus. Which one of you is Del Grant?"

A fair-haired man in a light grey jumpsuit rushed in from one of the smaller doors. His rifle was slung across his back.

The blond man said, "I'm Del Grant. Sorry for being late. I was held up. You must be Argus?" He extended his hand towards Argus without hesitation.

Argus grasped it in a firm shake. The two men recognized each other's strength. "Yes, I'm Argus. People seem tense here."

Grant explained, "We've been under siege for two weeks. Everyone's tired. The Federation doesn't let up."

Argus nodded. He understood very well the persistence of the Federation when it wanted something. To punctuate the Federation's persistence, a spate of weapons fire could be heard in the distance. Argus's team brought their weapons up again in alarm.

Grant reassured them, "Don't worry about that, it's at the far end of the complex. The Federation troops like to keep us up."

Argus nodded and gestured his men to lower their weapons.

At a glance, Grant could see that Avon was not with them. "Avon didn't come down with you?"

Argus said, "You won't mind if my people make sure that this location is secure first?"

Grant had a direct and straight-forward manner. He and Argus understood each other. "It would be quicker than trying to gain your trust any other way. Be my guest."

Argus nodded to Reya. She directed the team to secure the location while she stood watch.

As they were doing this, Argus introduced Reya and Grant did the same with the group that was with him. The first two were the most important.

Grant indicated the man on his left. "This is Kellon Grey. He's the leader of the largest rebel faction on this planet." The tall Grey nodded a cautious welcome. He seemed a naturally untrusting man and under different circumstances, he could have easily passed for one of the Federation's many faceless bureaucrats.

Grant introduced the man on his right. "And this is Tayvel Hess. His group was the one who helped us gain access to the base."

Hess had a thin studious face and looked like he belonged in an old dusty reference archive. His manner was more open and much less suspicious than his fellow rebel leader. He offered his hand in greeting. "Grant says that you may be able to help us?"

Argus shook the man's hand and said, "We will do what we can. Tell me the situation here."

Hess, who seemed to think it was an invitation to start from the beginning, said, "We heard the success the Albians had in throwing off Federation rule with Grant's help. And since the Federation is still hard-pressed…"

Grant said, "They decided to try the same thing."

Hess said, "Yes. We gathered a group of the best fighters amongst the rebel groups on our planet and hired Grant to organize an assault on the base here."

Grant said dryly, "Unfortunately, they also had their own ideas."

Grey said defensively, "We got a little carried away. We wanted to destroy the Federation's control of our planet…so we…"

Hess continued, "We used higher yield mines than Grant told us to."

Grant was a mercenary, hired to do a job. Any irritation at the stupidity of amateurs was kept out of his voice. He said, "It was supposed to be a precision strike to only take out key security and information systems but it doesn't matter who is to blame. I'm only interested in fixing the problem." He turned to Argus, "That is why I contacted you and Avon."

Reya received the all-clear from the security detail.

Argus said, "Before I bring Avon down, there are several questions I need answered."

"Ask your questions," said Grant.

**********

Argus asked Grant, "How did you know where we were? How did you know we were close enough to come to your aid?"

Now that they were all introduced and talking, both groups had relaxed. The weapons of the rebels hung loosely. The soldiers were still on alert though they were less guarded. Reya had not told them to stand down yet.

She had been noticing something that she couldn't quite identify. A tension that could not be explained. Something vague and uneasy. There was nothing specific; it was just a feeling that she should not let down her guard. She never would have anyway but now she was extra vigilant.

Grant responded, "I keep an eye on conflicts that might be of interest to me. I've been watching the war in Sector Ten and a contact told me that a ship that matches your description had been spotted there periodically. I took a chance that you were still in the vicinity. Luckily for us, you were."

"Employment opportunities?" asked Argus.

"I like to know where my options are." Mercenaries had to peddle their skills like everyone else.

Argus was familiar with mercenaries. This did not sound out of the ordinary. "How did you get through the Federation jamming equipment?"

Grant replied, "It wasn't easy. We've had a lot of problems getting through to you and not just because of the jamming equipment. We were lucky to get through at all. I had one of the groups destroy their jamming equipment but our comm equipment was damaged in one of their attacks. Fortunately, we managed to liberate some Federation equipment from a transport vehicle."

"You've done well then," said Argus. Grant seemed a capable professional. Argus always appreciated that.

"We've survived. So far. But there's nothing we can do about the weather control system."

Argus had saved the crucial question. "What are your intentions regarding Avon?"

There was an instant reaction among the rebels. It was very minor, but it was definitely noticeable to anyone who was sensitive to danger. There was an increased tension, a slight tightening of hands around weapons. Reya's hands moved imperceptibly towards her own. With her eyes, she signalled her team to be ready.

Argus looked at Grant. They were both aware of what had just happened.

Grant help up a hand, "We have no intention of harming Avon in any way. You have my word and that of every rebel leader here. I would never have tried to contact you if I could not guarantee that. We need Avon's help."

Hess's face was carefully neutral as he said, "We've heard the rumours about Avon, but Grant assures us that Avon would never have betrayed the alliance or killed Blake. He would have died first."

Argus managed not to react. Behind him, Reya was ready for anything. This was a worry Argus had always kept in the back of his mind; Avon's role in what happened on Gauda Prime. So far, since Avon's rescue, they had not had contact with any rebel faction and exposure to anyone who might have an active interest in Avon had been limited. As they started interacting more with the various rebel factions, the possibility of suspicion and hostilities could not be ignored as long as Avon was with them.

Argus's voice was even as he said, "Avon didn't betray the alliance. Any rumours that you heard to the contrary were just that, rumours put out by the Federation to discredit Avon. If you want details, we can discuss them, but at a later time."

That much was safe to tell them. It was a truth that had to be spread if Avon was to have any chance. Argus carefully avoided the difficult topic of Blake's death and hoped they would not realize that he had not fully addressed their concerns. That could be left for a much later date.

Argus hated having to do this. It felt like something the devious psychostrategist would do. He had no choice though; they didn't have the time to get into debates or recriminations. The truth would come out in time but none of them could afford to have it come out now.

Grey was not as easily persuaded by Argus's words and he continued to pursue it. "But Avon didn't die. Did he? That in itself is very suspicious."

Argus's voice lowered in tone as he addressed the suspicious Grey. Anyone on the receiving end of this voice should be very careful. "No. He didn't. Avon was under Federation custody during that time. At one of their Special Detention Centres."

Almost everyone grimaced at that information. The Special Detention Centres were infamous with anyone who opposed the Federation. No one wanted to be sent there, they would all rather die first.

Argus continued, "They tortured Avon there for three years but he never told them anything that would compromise the alliance."

"That's hard to believe," said Grey. "No one holds out that long." That was the reputation of the Special Detention Centres; everyone broke, there were no exceptions, unless someone was lucky enough to die first, or be rescued. Until Argus and Avon, no one had ever been rescued successfully before. "You die or you break."

Argus said confidently, "Avon didn't break."

Hess added, "Then why is he still alive? The Federation does not have that kind of patience. They would have killed him unless he gave them something they wanted."

Grant stepped in and told Grey, "You don't know Avon. He would never have given them anything."

Argus explained, "Unfortunately for Avon, with the knowledge he possesses and the abilities he has, the Federation would wait, and so would you. Otherwise you wouldn't have called for his help."

Hess said reluctantly, "I can believe that Federation would deliberately try to discredit someone that used to fight alongside Blake. They wouldn't want another symbol for freedom after Blake died. And there were rumours that Avon was still fighting the Federation after he parted company with Blake after the alien invasion."

Grey said, "Too many rumours. Too many perceptions of the truth. It's hard to tell which is real or not. The evidence against Avon is damning."

Argus emphasized, "Evidence _fabricated_ by the Federation. They even tried to implant false memories in Vila, another one of Blake's crew, in order to spread lies about Avon. If you want, I can bring Vila down here and he can tell you what they tried to do. You can question him yourself."

Grant said, "Vila is with you?"

Argus said, "Yes. He's joined us. Vila believes in Avon and so do I."

Hess, the less suspicious one, said, "Your reputation is unmistakable Argus, and if one of Avon's former crewmates can vouch for him…" He looked at his fellow rebel leader. Grey nodded reluctantly.

Grant said, "Then it's agreed?"

Grey said guardedly to Argus, "We promised Grant that we would not harm Avon if he helped us with the weather systems. He refused to contact you unless we did. We will honour that promise but, if we can speak to Vila…"

Argus said, "I'll arrange it. But first things first, let's get your weather system fixed before the other half of your planet is covered in ice."

They were all in agreement.

Before Argus used his teleport bracelet to contact the ship, he warned them, "I told you that Avon was tortured by the Federation for three years. That means that he's still not in very good shape. I would appreciate if you didn't put too much stress on him or say anything if you see him having problems. Do not mention the conversation we just had until after he's finished his work. And do not mention Blake. Avon still has a very bad reaction to what happened to Blake."

Grant and the rebel leaders nodded in acceptance of this condition.

Argus pressed the comm button, "This is Argus. It's all clear. Send them down."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Seventeen

After Avon and Cally teleported down and all of the introductions had been made, Avon and Grant stood off to the side in order to have a private conversation.

Even though Argus had warned them, Grant was shocked at how worn and pale Avon looked. Except for the intense and intelligent eyes, this was not the Avon he remembered from the old days, not the arrogant genius who had fallen in love with his sister. Grant said none of this as he extended his hand and said, "It's good to see you."

Avon looked down at the hand. He always seemed to be unsure what to do with this gesture when it was offered to him. Avon grasped the hand and shook it. "Is it?"

"Of course. Whatever was between us because of Anna, was resolved on Albian."

Avon could feel his heart beat with stress as he tried to decide how to tell Grant about Anna. He was about to say something when Grant hurried him, "I'll show you the base computers. We don't have much time. Half of the planet is under ice again." Grant headed towards one of the smaller exits and everyone followed. "We're doing all that we can but it's not nearly enough. What we really need is someone like you to fix the computers"

Avon was somewhat relieved that his news about Anna was being delayed. The stress did not abate, it only moved to a less active part of his mind.

**********

Avon sat at the main terminal in the computer control room. He had already queried the computer unit for information regarding the current status of the meteorological conditions of the planet. He was currently reviewing reports of damage done to the computer systems and had requested a detailed systems check. The information scrolled across the screen.

Grant, Argus, Cally, and the two rebel leaders, Tayvel and Hess stood behind him, watching.

Avon entered a few commands and the screen now showed the programming logic structure that no one else in the room could understand. There were clearly gaps in it. He studied it carefully.

Grant asked, "Can you do it?"

Avon, in a preoccupied voice, said, "It will take time. The security systems didn't just erase entire sections of code, it scrambled other ones. I'm not a weather systems specialist but I can write a temporary solution that will fix your problem for now. You will still need someone who understands the meteorological sciences in order to rebuild the original logic and return the planetary weather patterns to its optimal state."

Argus asked, "How long, Avon?"

Avon looked up at them. "Forty-two hours."

Grey said, "But that's too long. We'll be squeezed to less than a quarter of the land mass by then. Too many people have died already because they couldn't get out of the danger areas in time."

Hess said to Avon and Argus, "You may not understand it, but this cold kills. Even with the advanced cold weather gear that was adapted for our planet, it's not enough."

Argus asked, "Didn't you build shelters in case something like this happened?"

Hess moved restlessly and his faced looked a bit flushed, "Some, but not nearly enough for the whole population. You know how it is when things are going well; disaster planning doesn't have the highest priority."

Argus refrained from asking why they didn't do this after the Star One computers went down. He remembered Avon's cynicism about the human races' lack of intelligence, or as in this case foresight. Sometimes, Avon could be annoying right about a lot of things.

Avon looked at them all impassively, "I could do it in less time but the chances of something going wrong will increase exponentially. You might be fortunate to be left with less than five percent of the total land mass."

Grey exclaimed, "Less than five percent? We can't possibly fit the entire population in that!"

Hess said, "We don't have much of a choice then."

Grant said, "We'll continue with the evacuation off-planet and keep moving people to the safer areas."

Argus said, "We'll help you. The _Justice_ can take some of your people. I'll have more of my men come down to help."

Grey asked Avon, "Can you tell where the ice will spread to? We've only been guessing so far." He looked distressed. "We haven't always been right."

Avon turned to the monitors again and worked on the panel in front of him. "I can provide you with a projected path of the ice according to the current meteorological model. It's not one hundred percent accurate but it will do for your purposes."

Grey said gratefully, "That's all we need." Now that they were all working together towards the same common goal, all suspicions had been laid aside.

Argus said, "What about the Federation troops? They're still surrounding this base. Have they hampered your efforts to move the population?"

Grant replied, "No. They only seem focussed on the base."

Cally said sardonically, "That's civil of them."

Without looking up Avon remarked, "That would make sense. They need the population. This is a lucrative planet for them."

Grey said, "I've been wondering why they were doing that. "

Hess asked nervously, "And if they don't?"

There was a chill in the room as Avon said, "Then the population will no longer be of any use to them. They will destroy this planet and everyone on it."

As Avon issued his dire warning, Argus had a bad feeling. More than any of them, he knew what the Federation was capable of.

The threat on this planet was not an alien one. It had never been, but Servalan had included this planet on the list she had given him. That meant her intention had always been about Avon meeting Grant. She didn't care about this planet.

His eyes became hard as he came to an awful realization, the Federation forces were here to make sure that the planet was destroyed. "Avon, do you think…"

Avon had already had the same thought. "I wouldn't be surprised."

Grey asked, "What are you talking about?"

Argus said, "We think that the Federation has already decided to destroy this planet. That's why they're still surrounding the base and have made no attempt to stop the evacuation or movement of the population. My guess is that once the planet is covered in ice, their next move would be to destroy the ships around this planet."

Grey said with alarm, "But most of them are defenceless! They're civilian craft and transports."

Cally said, "That will only make it easier for them."

Argus's mind was already in strategy mode. "Can I assume that you've had the ships gathered in staging areas around the planet?" It was a rhetorical question. He had already noticed the formations when they arrived, as well as the Federation cruisers and pursuit ships watching from a distance. Fortunately he had taken the precaution of having the _Justice_ approach in stealth mode.

Grey shifted nervously on his feet as he faced the idea of the imminent destruction of his planet and all of its people. "Yes. It made it easier to manage the traffic."

Hess rubbed his abdomen, there was a grimace on his face. He was working himself up to being frantic. "Grouping the ships makes it even easier for them, doesn't it? All gathered in one place. We have to contact the ships! Tell them to get away as far as they can. The Federation can't destroy all of them. Some of them might be able to get away."

Argus held up his hand to stop Hess from going off to do that. "You can't. Right now the Federation ships are only holding off because you're making it easier for them. The moment they realize you're trying to escape, they _will_ start firing."

Grey said, "But what difference does it make if they start firing now or later?"

Argus said, "It's a matter of time and position. Do you have any ships that have offensive capabilities?"

Hess said, "No. We only have civilian ships and transports. The Federation always provided escort and protected us from pirates and other hostile forces. We don't have anything of our own."

Argus let out a forceful breath. "Yes, they would." The options just got a lot narrower. "There are other things you can do but…it will involve sacrificing some of your ships in order to save the others. We need to slowly position them so that the Federation fleet won't notice. My ship will provide the firepower but we can't cover the whole planet."

It was a risk. Servalan would not be pleased but he had to worry about that later. He was not about to let the Solterans die without doing all he could to help them. Argus scowled as he contemplated what kind of compensation she would demand, or what kind of punishment. They would have to give up something, of that he was certain.

_Servalan. _There was another way to save the Solterans. It wasn't an idea he was relishing.

Grant interjected, "Argus, you say that the Federation has already decided to destroy this planet by letting it go back to its original state. But we have Avon now. What will they do when they find out that we have someone who can fix the weather system?"

Argus said, "They already do."

Grant said, "I don't understand. You're saying they know that Avon is here?"

This was awkward. Argus explained to them the agreement they had made with Servalan and the Federation in order to deal with the alien threat.

Grey said with suspicion, "You mean that you're working for the Federation now?"

Before Argus could reply, Hess answered, "That's not what he said."

Argus looked appreciatively at Hess. "We're not working for them. We've only agreed on a temporarily alliance until the alien incursion is dealt with. We already have proof that there's a real threat. The Andromedans are the ones causing the problems in Sector Ten. They had built a strong presence there but it's been dealt with now. We suspect that their influence may be widespread. It's our goal to route them out wherever they are."

Hess said, "So it's like at Star One, everyone working together against a common enemy?"

Argus said, "Not everyone yet. At the moment the agreement is only between the Federation President and the people on my ship. I have been hoping to recruit more of the rebel factions to help." Argus pushed down a very cynical thought. It was probably easier to get the factions to work with the Federation against the Andromedans than with each other. He really hated all the political infighting that most of them deemed necessary to forward whatever personal agenda they had for being against the Federation in the first place. The mess after the alien invasion had brought out many conflicts and prejudices amongst them as they all jostled for power. At times they seemed to fight each other even more than the Federation. Of course most of their attempts to 'change' the Federation took the form of settling personal vengeances rather than affecting political change. It had made Argus ill to hear that some of them had even embraced vile creatures like Shrinker as a means to an end.

_What does that make us?_

Argus threw off these unproductive thoughts and concentrated on the task at hand. The more he thought about it, the more Argus realized he had no choice but to talk to Servalan. What was even worse was knowing that he needed Sester's help. There wasn't much time.

**********

While Avon began fixing the programming and the computers and Reya and the advance team replaced some of the rebels so that they could get some rest, Argus returned to the ship to talk to Sester.

After explaining the situation with increasingly bad humour, Argus demanded, "I want you to find a solution to save the Solterans. One that Servalan will accept."

Sester leaned lazily back against his chair, there was an amused smile on his face. "Is that all?" He could already tell that Argus wanted something from him and that he would prefer dying first before asking for help from him. Now was a good opportunity to make Argus pay, just a little, for beating him up.

Argus said urgently, "There isn't much time."

"You've made that abundantly clear. It must be galling for a man like you to have to ask help from a man like me."

Argus tried to keep the irritation out of his voice but only with limited success. "It's not for me."

Sester flicked a non-existent speck of dust off the table and smiled pleasantly. "Why should I help you?"

Every about Sester seemed to grate further on Argus's nerves; from the man's friendly manner to his easy smiles. Argus said in a tight voice, "If you don't help then the Solterans will die."

With deep sarcasm, Sester said, "Are you trying to appeal to my conscience? Or is it my sense of compassion? Neither of which you think I have."

Argus scowled at him. "Avon thinks you will do it."

"Does he now?" Sester took in the other man's increasing annoyance with pleasure. Argus hated coming to him but he was a man who valued other people's lives above his own. Sester wondered how far he would go. "Perhaps you're right, I might for Avon. But you are the one asking."

Argus's face couldn't hide a snarl. "What do you want? An apology?"

"That would be a good start."

Argus bit back an angry retort. They both knew he didn't have a choice and that Sester was taking advantage of the situation. His instinct rebelled against every word as he said, "I apologize for beating you up."

"Apology accepted, even if it wasn't entirely heartfelt." Sester smiled pleasantly, "I will help you develop a strategy against Servalan."

**********

Argus waited at his flight station as Zen made the connection to Servalan's Presidential office. He was in a foul mood after talking to Sester and the prospect of another conversation with someone else he hated made it even worse.

It was bad enough finding out what Servalan had tried to do to Avon, now he had to negotiate something for the Solterans with her. It put him at a disadvantage and he knew that the Federation President would never miss any opportunity to gain a benefit for herself.

He stared at the screen. A tendril of thought was nagging at the back of his mind but Argus could feel a headache starting up. He hated talking to this treacherous woman.

Argus ran over Sester's strategy in his mind. The insufferable psychostrategist had come through with a workable plan, despite the time constrictions.

The moment Servalan appeared on the screen, she was already speaking. "What do you have to report, Commander?"

Argus said coldly, "You broke our agreement. _Our_ agreement."

Servalan said with feigned innocence and light warning, "I would be careful about your accusations, Commander. Misplaced ones could have unfortunate consequences."

Argus said with suppressed anger, "You agreed to leave Avon alone if I did what you wanted."

Servalan still looked as if she had no idea what he was talking about. "I assure you, I have ceased all attempts to hunt Avon. Besides, with you reporting to me, I have no need to pursue Avon."

Argus lips curled in a snarl of anger. Servalan had gained a great advantage by having him report to her regularly. He still wasn't sure why he had agreed to it. "You deliberately included Solteral on the list of potential alien threats even though there was no such danger here."

She asked reasonably, "Why would I do that, Commander?"

"Because you knew that Del Grant was here. You knew what it would do to Avon."

Servalan looked astonished and concerned, "Grant? I had no idea. If I had, I would never have sent Avon there. This is very distressing. How is Avon handling it?"

Argus wanted to call her a two-faced liar but had to restrain himself. He could not tell Servalan how he knew. It would mean giving up Sester, and as much as he thought the rat deserved it, he was trying to help this time.

Argus accused, "Don't tell me that you didn't know, Servalan."

She challenged him, "Do you have any proof that I had anything to do with this?"

Argus admitted reluctantly, "No."

She tolerantly, "Of course, because there is no proof to be found. But I am concerned for Avon."

"The last thing Avon needs is _your_ sympathies, Servalan." He bit back a temptation to say something even worse. With no proof, he could not continue pressing this issue.

She said with concern, "If there is anything I can do to help him…"

Argus said, "Spare me, Servalan. Avon does not need your kind of help."

Servalan was eyeing him speculatively from across the screen. Argus felt naked under her scrutiny but he needed her goodwill in order to help the Solterans. "Your people have surrounded the base here."

"I'm aware of that," said Servalan with a knowing smile. "And you're working with them no doubt."

"You know I am. You say that you didn't know that Grant was here and that it was a coincidence we ended up coming here."

Servalan said, "You're the one who picked the place, Commander. I did not influence you in any way. It was your decision."

_You manipulative… _Argus held back his temper. The flash of an idea caused him to ask, "The inclusion of Solteral on your list was solely because of the potential alien threat?"

"Of course."

"Even though you had already decided to destroy the planet?"

Servalan hesitated. "What is your point, Commander?"

"Why send us to deal with an alien threat over a planet that is, in your mind, already dead?"

Servalan asked, "You think that you've found the proof?"

Argus said, "That your only purpose has been to expose Avon to Grant? Haven't I?"

She said, "You're wrong."

"Would you care to _prove_ me wrong, Madame President?" dared Argus.

Servalan's voice was dangerous. "I would be very careful, Commander. I am not someone to be provoked lightly."

Argus could convey equal danger in his tone. "And neither am I, Servalan."

The screen flashed and for a few moments, he lost his concentration. Argus struggled to maintain his focus. There was a job to do and nothing was going to deter him. Too much was at stake. It was time to use Sester's strategy.

He said, "I have a proposal for you. The people on this planet might be willing to help you in your fight against the alien incursion. In return you will accord them the status of an affiliated and autonomous state within the Federation."

Servalan regarded him speculatively. Again, Argus had the uncomfortable feeling that he was bare under her gaze. She said, "Solteral is a valuable planet. I will not give it up lightly."

Argus thought, _That means there is a price. Sester was right._

Argus said, "I thought you already did."

Servalan spoke as someone who did not think in costs of human lives. "That's different. The importance of Solteral as an object lesson is just as valuable as its monetary significance."

"You're a cold-blooded…" Argus stopped himself before he said something he would regret. His head was pounding. "Alright, you see things in terms of power and wealth. At the moment, Federation resources are still stretched thin, especially in the outer sectors, otherwise you wouldn't need our help. For you to maintain a base here, especially a troublesome one like this one, eats into your resources even further. Resources you cannot afford to spare. I propose a beneficial arrangement. The Solterans will provide to the Federation the same amount of profit, less the cost of the resources you would normally expend on maintaining an armed presence and a base here. In return, the Solterans will be allowed free autonomy in governing their own planet and any additional profit they can obtain for themselves."

Servalan seemed to be studying him, or considering his proposal. He couldn't tell which.

When she didn't say anything, he asked, "Well?"

Servalan responded, "The conditions are interesting."

"Everyone gets what they want," said Argus.

"Who came up with this idea?" she asked.

"Does it matter?" he asked.

Servalan smiled. "I seem to have underestimated you, Commander. But you have also underestimated me. I will agree to this only if the Federation retains control of the weather control system on the planet."

"That's not part of the proposal," said Argus. Sester had already anticipated this move from Servalan. He had warned Argus that any agreement with Servalan would be a flawed and limited one at best.

Servalan said, "It will have to be, otherwise there is no deal and the planet will be destroyed. Beyond which, the Solterans do not have the capability to maintain the complexities of the weather control computers and we are not about to teach them. As you have most likely discovered, even Avon does not have this knowledge or skill."

Argus's lips twisted in a scowl. Servalan was being true to form; she was not going to let this go without trying to obtain as many advantages as she could. "With control of the weather systems, the Federation can regain control at any time."

Servalan said coolly, "It is within the Federation's best interests to gain profit from this planet at this time. As you've said, our resources are stretched thin at the moment. We will restore the weather system of the planet, for our own purposes, of course, which will temporarily benefit the Solterans. But I promise you, the day will come when we will regain control of the planet."

"So we understand each other," said Argus. From Sester, he knew it was as good as they were going to get out of Servalan. Until the day the Federation regained its former power, the Solterans would have the time to build their own power base and seek to build a protective alliance with other planets in order to fight the Federation. It would be a race against time for both of them. Given the resolve of the rebels on the planet, Argus believed they might have a good chance; if they took it.

Argus said, "I will present the terms of your offer to the Solterans. They are the ones who will decide whether they are willing to accept it or not."

**********

After Sester talked to Argus, he went searching for Vila. As usual, after a shift on the flight deck, Vila could be found in the dining area. It was empty now. The usual contingents of perpetually hungry soldiers were mainly down on the planet or performing various duties around the ship.

Vila was having a light meal of sandwiches and some hot tea.

Sester approached, "Do you mind if I sit down?"

Vila pushed his cup out of Sester's way. "Go ahead. I could use some company. I don't like eating alone."

Sester sat and watched as Vila took a bite out of his sandwich.

The staring made Vila feel awkward. He liked company but not if it stared at him. He still had part of the sandwich in his mouth when he asked, "Did you want something?"

"No," said Sester restlessly as he brushed his hand absently cross the table.

The session with Argus had been fun. It was good to antagonize that man and he liked being able to use his skills to build a scenario that would be used against Servalan. The woman could use a few jolts to her composure occasionally. It was much less dangerous having someone else do it for him.

Now he was bored. He wasn't really being used as a liaison and any participation he had in the operations of the ship was nominal at best. Sester wasn't used to being so unoccupied. Even the solitary chess games were getting stale. Normally he had any number of personal projects and agendas to work on but none of them seemed to interest him at the moment. He needed interaction with people and most of the ones on this ship avoided him like the plague, unless they wanted something from him.

The only one who didn't seem to mind his company was Vila.

Vila watched him out of the corner of his eyes as he ate. Sester had sought him out. Either he wanted something or he wanted some company.

Sester asked with casual interest, "Are you going to be going down to the planet?"

Vila allowed just a hint of Delta resentment to enter his voice. "No locks down there, are there? And nothing dirty to do. What would they want me for?"

Sester asked with amusement, "Are you trying to give me the impression that you don't like being here on this ship?"

Vila said, "No. That's just the way things are. Doesn't matter if it's on the ship or off. People in my position can't be choosy and besides I have nowhere else to go." Vila found it interesting that Sester had come to seek him out. Either what he was doing was working or Sester was after something. He would have to find out which.

Sester had a need to understand people. Like Vila, he enjoyed solving puzzles. The ones he was interested in were human dynamics and motivations. He knew that Vila wasn't telling him the whole truth. The thief had much greater depth than just the ordinary Delta resentments. "Oh, I doubt that Vila. A man of your talents has many options. Why do you really stay?"

Vila didn't have to think hard about this question, he knew why he was staying. "Do you know what I find even more interesting?"

"What do you find interesting, Vila?"

"I'd like to know why you stay."

Sester wasn't bored anymore. He leaned his forearms against the table. "I have a job to do here."

"For Servalan?" There was a slight challenge and disapproval in Vila's voice.

"Who else?" The tone was not missed by Sester.

They were both trying to understand each other, trying to seek some truth.

"There's got to be more to it," said Vila.

"Why would you think that?" Sester was curious; he wondered why Vila wanted to know.

Vila's eyes were direct. "Did you tell Servalan what they did to you?"

Sester started in surprise and then he gave a short chuckle. "No." He looked at Vila speculatively. "You're imagining significance in that detail?"

Vila said, "If it was me and I'm on a ship where people like beating me up, I'd want to leave."

"Wanting to leave and being able to leave are two different issues." Sester was very curious now. Vila was skirting the edge of asking him for a personal reason. Would the others care enough to want Vila to ask? He doubted it. Argus thought he knew everything about his motivations. Avon wouldn't care.

At the moment, he was sporadically useful, as was evinced by his help with the Solterans. They would use him as long as he was here. He was under no illusions that this usefulness was far out-weighed by their continued desire to have him off this ship.

That left a reason for Vila. Vila wanted to understand him. For what reason, he wasn't able to ascertain yet.

Vila finished the last of his sandwich and picked up the steaming cup of tea. "Are psychostrategists all like this?" The liquid was too hot. Vila blew into it to cool it down a bit.

Sester was enjoying this conversation and the company but he found that he was still restless. "If you mean, do we never provide a simple answer to a question? Then yes."

"Why?" _Just keep asking him questions_, Vila reminded himself. Avon had said that Sester liked answering interesting questions. He liked working things out.

_Ask the right ones and you might get want you want out of him, _Avon had told him. Avon and Argus had trusted him to find the right ones. Vila felt uneasy at the responsibility and trust being put on his shoulders. They didn't just trust his skills as a thief, which would have been too easy. They were depending on his intelligence, his experience and his instincts. It felt good, but at the same time it filled him with nervousness and insecurity. The problem with breaking the conditioning that had been done on him was that it didn't automatically give him the opposite characteristics. He had to do that himself.

_Just keep going, Vila. You can do it, _he encouraged himself. At least he wasn't alone in trying to change.

Sester replied to his question, "I can see too many angles to be able to give simple answers."

"Well, then you're going to have to explain things to me because I don't see all those angles you're talking about," said Vila as he tentatively tried a sip of the tea.

"I think you do. At times." Sester wondered if a cup of tea would make him feel better.

"Not this time."

Sester smiled genially, "Are you asking me for an explanation?"

"Only if you want to," said Vila. The tea was finally cool enough that it didn't burn his tongue. He took a few larger sips.

Sester got up to get himself a cup of tea. "Then I'll need some liquid refreshment." After picking a soothing camomile tea, he sat back down again. "Ask your questions."

Vila had been expecting Sester to explain himself; he wasn't expecting to have to provide more questions. "Do you want to leave this ship?"

Sester smiled at the directness of the question. Vila was refreshing at times. He answered, "No."

"You can give a simple answer," said Vila.

Sester chuckled, "Are you assuming a simple answer because I gave you a single word response?"

"Well…yes," Vila wasn't so certain now.

"You have much to learn about psychostrategists."

Vila said, "I'd like to understand. Maybe not psychostrategists but I'd like to understand you."

"It's my turn to ask why."

Vila wondered how far he could go. "I'm not like the others on the ship. I don't hate you."

Sester said cynically, "I'm surprised, Vila, and I don't quite believe you. After what I did to Avon, how could you not hate me?"

"Don't get me wrong. I don't like what you did. I did hate you for awhile and every time I see Avon having problems, I can't forget it."

Sester suddenly realized why he was feeling uncomfortable and restless. He was worried about Avon meeting Grant.

With a tone of regret he said, "It is an unforgivable thing I did."

"That's the thing, I think you _are_ sorry and you've been trying to help the best way you can. I think that's part of the reason why you stay. That's why you don't want to leave even though they treat you rotten."

Sester said in an off-hand tone, "If you say so." He didn't want Vila to know that he had hit upon a partial truth.

Sester's mind was trying to process something. The realization he had just made was that he cared about what happened to Avon. It wasn't just a sense of guilt at the terrible things he had done. It was no longer just an appreciation of a worthy opponent. He was surprised that he hadn't seen it before. All the signs had been there. If he had been watching someone else exhibiting the same symptoms, he would have identified it right away. Having it close enough to be personal had blinded him.

The realization had also shocked him. He was getting too personally involved again. Sester looked across at his companion. He liked Vila too. Sester wanted to shake his head and tell himself to snap out of it. Psychostrategists did not get personally involved with their puppets.

Vila challenged him, "Am I wrong?"

Sester knew what he should say in order to do his job. He knew the answer to give if he were being honest.

"No. You're not wrong." Sester was surprised at his own answer. Though…giving them a bit of the truth might facilitate the crew trusting him more and break through some of the hostility. He had no taste for being beaten up again.

Vila found it easy to like Sester. The man was an enjoyable person to be around. He had a way about him that was very affable and warm and his sharp intelligence applied to any situation made things more interesting. The truth was, Vila believed that Sester regretted what he did and was genuinely trying to make it up to Avon. He knew that Avon and Argus would not agree but they had personal reasons for how they felt. Reasons that didn't make it possible for them to believe Sester or to do anything other than hate him.

He asked, "Then what was that about not being able to leave?"

Sester smiled, "Even though I don't want to leave, for now. I like to know that I have that option."

"You don't think you do?" asked Vila.

"Not unless the Federation President wishes it."

"But couldn't you…psychostrategize your way out of it? That's what you do, isn't it?"

Sester asked Vila, "Do you think that Avon and Argus would let me back on the ship once they thought they had gotten rid of me?"

"So it goes back to you not wanting to leave?"

"Yes. And with a host of other conditions and complications."

Vila decided that it wasn't the time to bring up the _other_ complication.

There was a genuine note of concern in Sester's voice as he asked, "Do you think that you can find out how Avon is doing?" He was still very anxious about this meeting and he felt burdened by the information that Servalan had given him. It was better that Avon find some peace in his memories of Anna. The information Servalan had given him, would not be conducive to that peace. He almost scowled at the thought of what Servalan was trying to do.

"I could try," said Vila. "I'm worried too."

Sester studied his companion's troubled face. He knew one of the reasons why Vila was staying. Despite the flaws in their relationships, this was a ship of friends who cared about each other. For a brief second, Sester wondered what it would be like to be part of it.

Vila put his finished items back on the tray and got up. "I'll go ask Argus. He should know."

"I don't think I'll go with you," said Sester.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

Chapter Eighteen

Avon was working on fixing the programming while Cally had one of the computer panels open and was replacing some of the destroyed transfer crystal circuits. They were both absorbed in what they were doing.

Cally was aware of Avon at the edge of her consciousness, trying to gauge his tiredness and concentration level and persuade him to take short breaks when she felt he needed it. Often he had to be _encouraged_ strongly before he relented. She could see that he was irritated at the disturbances to his work but she insisted.

Avon was increasingly ill-humoured and he said during one such disruption, "How can I possibly finish this in time with all of these interruptions?" He put his feet up on a chair that Cally had pushed towards him. It was either that or have it bang across his shins. At times Cally felt as if she was managing a petulant child.

Cally eyes met his without hesitating. "You won't finish at all if you collapse from exhaustion."

They stared at each other, neither one willing to back down. There was no antagonism, only two wills with different priorities. Avon finally leaned back against his chair, folded his arms across his chest and closed his eyes.

Grant came in through the doorway. "How are the repairs coming? Do you need…" When he saw Avon resting and Cally gesturing for quiet, he whispered, "Sorry, I'll come back later."

It was too late, Avon's eyes had snapped open when he heard Grant's voice. Cally noticed a strong spike in Avon's emotional state. She knew that it would be almost impossible to get Avon to rest now unless she could persuade Grant to leave.

Avon sat up and kicked the chair away. "There's no need. I'm…"

Cally said, "Avon needs rest." She didn't want to embarrass him but his health was more important to her than his pride.

Avon looked at her with mild irritation.

Grant was not blind to the dynamic between them and said diplomatically, "I should leave you to rest."

Avon had a flash of memory. He, Anna and Grant had been at a restaurant before the mercenary went out on another job. It was the last time the three of them had been together. He and Grant had debated heatedly about various topics while Anna had tried to play referee.

Avon didn't want Grant to leave the room without talking to him. He asked, "You require a status report on the repairs?"

Grant glanced at Cally and said hesitantly, "Yes. We need to know how close you are so we can decide if we need to make further plans about moving the population."

Avon looked up at Cally, who was hovering nearby. "This is important."

She gave him a hard look and projected into his mind, * _You're supposed to get some rest. _*

Avon said, "It won't take long."

The way she raised her eyebrows and the strong sense of scepticism that she projected to him told Avon that she didn't believe it for one moment, even if he did.

He promised her, * _I will not to do any work and I will rest after talking to Grant. _*

Cally nodded reluctantly and returned to work on replacing the crystals. Grant lay his rifle down on a table and sat down heavily on one of the chairs nearby. He looked tired to the bone and there were dark circles under his eyes. Grant asked, "What's the status?"

Avon gave him a report on his and Cally's progress. He concluded by saying, "Everything is going according to the original estimate. I was able to reverse engineer most of the missing code. How is the situation outside? Have they decided to take Servalan's proposal?"

Grant barely managed to keep the impatience out of his tone. "They're still debating about it."

"Still?" It had been over a day since Argus had come back from the _Justice_ and told them what he had negotiated for the Solterans.

Grant said, "You know how it is when several rebel groups get together. They all have their own opinions on the best course of action."

Cally looked up from what she was doing and said, "Then they may never come to a decision."

"They will," said Grant.

Avon said with a strong tone of sarcasm, "Or they will wait until circumstances force them to." In his experience most people either rushed headlong without taking the time to think first, or have a lot to say, but do nothing.

Grant nodded in agreement. "Regardless, they will come to a decision, one way or another."

Cally remarked, "Hopefully, it will be sooner rather than later."

Grant said, "Yes." He seemed to want to say something more, wavered and then decided to get up from his seat instead. "I should go and let you rest. I'll give this report to the others." He slung his rifle over his shoulder.

Avon hesitated then he said, "We can talk about Anna after I'm done here."

Grant reacted in surprise, "How did you know that I wanted to talk about Anna?"

"We both need to talk about her."

Grant said, "I would like that. I should go report to the others." With that Grant left.

Avon pulled up the chair, he had kicked away earlier, and settled back to get some rest. He did feel tired, despite the stimulants Cally had been giving him.

**********

Ten hours later, the computer control room was crowded with people, as they watched Avon and Cally bring up the weather computers. Argus and Grant were standing behind Avon. Even with the room full, the only voices heard were those of Avon and Cally as they called out the steps to each other. The energy level was high, as well as the nervousness.

They had all finally agreed to accept Servalan's offer but it would all be moot if Avon couldn't fix the weather control systems.

Avon said, "Bringing up the weather control monitors."

The various screens around the room began to turn on and register a range of information.

Cally looked at each of the monitors and reported, "Monitors online."

Avon flipped various switches in front of him and entered a command. "Primary weather system grid activated."

Cally checked several monitors. "Registering weather control grid activity."

There were pleased whispers and movement around the room.

Avon flicked on a few more switches. "Secondary system balance controls activated."

Cally went to another bank of monitors and verified the readings. "Confirmed. Secondary system is operational."

The excitement around the room increased with each successful systems check. Avon got up and checked each of the monitors in turn, making some minor adjustments on some of the panels. He turned to the assembled group. "The temporary fix appears to be holding. The controls are beginning to rebalance the weather systems. The advance of the ice has already been halted but it should take several hours for it to start receding. I would recommend that your people stay where they are until the weather patterns stabilize."

Everyone in the room burst out into excited congratulations. They all tried to shake Avon and Cally's hands or hug them. Avon looked awkward and uncomfortable at all of the emotions being directed towards him.

Argus said, "Excellent work, Avon and Cally!"

The rebel leader Grey said as he shook their hands and said with warm and sincere enthusiasm, "Our people owe you a great debt of gratitude!" There was no longer even a hint of suspicion or negativity in his tone.

Hess seemed to be overwhelmed and speechless. The only thing he seemed to be able to do was put his arms around Avon and give him a big hug.

Avon sent his thoughts out to Cally, * _Do they have to be this enthusiastic? A simple thank you would suffice. _*

Cally projected back to him, *_ They are only being human. You should learn to enjoy it. You most likely have a planet full of people who love you now. _*

He said dryly, *_ That's what I'm afraid of. _*

**********

After everyone left to go make arrangements in the light of the new developments, Grant stayed behind to talk to Avon. He pulled up a chair and sat down facing him. Like most military or former military men, he sat with his back straight and not slouched over, even though he was tired. He looked at Avon for a moment then he said, "We never had much of an opportunity to talk the last time."

Not knowing what Grant's objective was, Avon said cautiously, "Yes."

Cally was still in the room but had moved off to the opposite end in order to give the two men some privacy.

Without hesitating further, Grant said, "I wanted to apologize for thinking that you could have left Anna to die."

"I would never have," said Avon.

Grant carried his body with the same stillness as Argus did. No fidgeting, no nervous movements. "I should have remembered. I should never have threatened to kill you."

"I would have, in your case."

Grant smiled wryly, "And most likely much more. You never believed in idle words. I think that's one of the reasons Anna loved you as much as she did."

Avon's eyes held a grimace. "She told you that?"

Grant said, "She didn't have to. I could see it. Of course there was that bastard of a husband of hers. I never did understand why she married him. She was miserable and the man was a bully. Then of course, she met you and everything changed. I was happy for her."

"Everything changed, for both of us," said Avon. "I wanted to take her away from it all. Somewhere that no one would be able to touch us again." They became such empty words for Avon after he thought that he had lost Anna. For a long time afterwards, he had continued living but something inside him had died. The only thing that kept him going was the desire to find out who had killed her and to avenge her death.

"Yes. Do an Ensor. I wanted that for her. And I thought that you would be the one. But when I found out what happened, what I thought happened, I wanted to kill you."

Grant words touched some deep-seated feelings for Avon. Anna had been angry, miserable and afraid when he first met her. She used her bright intelligence to lash out at others. It was something he was very familiar with.

Grant asked, "There's one thing I've never understood. What possessed you to want to bring down the entire Federation Banking System? Why couldn't you have been happy with just stealing the money? What happened to 'I could steal a hundred million credits and no one would ever know'?" You had to have known that Central Security would be after you. What made you risk your life, and Anna's, like that?"

Avon said, "A moment of madness."

"You wanted to strike a blow against the Federation? Because of what they did to you? Is that why you joined with Blake afterwards?"

Avon's stomach reacted in pain. He stifled a grimace. "I can't talk about Blake."

Grant nodded. He remembered what Argus had warned them about. Avon could not be stressed. "Did you know that they arrested that no good husband of hers? Had him sent to one of the worst penal colonies. Crimes against the Federation." Grant chuckled. "The only crime that idiot was guilty of was being a bastard. I wished Anna could have known. It would have made her happy."

The news didn't surprise Avon in the least, not with what he knew about Anna now. Memories of the cellar began to surface. In his mind, he was no longer fully in the computer room. Avon remarked to himself, "Revenge."

"What was that?" asked Grant.

"It was Anna's revenge."

Grant said, "Anna reaching out from the dead to make sure the bastard got what he deserved?"

There was grimness in Avon's tone and he could almost smell the cellar again. "No. Not reaching out from the dead."

Grant leaned forward, "What do you mean?"

Cally's voice entered Avon's head, _* Avon, please be careful. *_

Avon's stare was unflinching as he said, "Anna set him up."

Grant was confused and tried to understand what Avon was saying. "You mean that you and Anna were going to run and Anna planned to turn her husband into the authorities before she left? As revenge for the way he treated her?" Cally had come up silently behind Grant.

The pain of betrayal was never far away. Avon was finding it hard to breath but he forged ahead. "She set us _both_ up."

Grant's voice was hard and suspicious. "What are you talking about? Anna would never have done that to you!"

Avon shivered, he felt cold and tired. Something heavy was weighing him down but the truth was relentless. He had to go on. Avon's voice was tight with held emotions as he said, "Anna was a Federation spy."

Grant's eyes were like flint. "You're a liar!" In one motion, he shoved his chair away - causing it to crash backwards onto the floor - and reached for his rifle. Before Grant's hands could touch his weapon, Cally had pulled it from the table and now held it pointed at him. At that moment, Reya burst into the room with her pistol drawn. She had been standing guard outside and came in when she heard the crash of Grant's chair. Reya advanced into the room cautiously, keeping her gun trained on Grant. "Avon, Cally, what happened?"

Avon and Grant were staring at each other. Grant's eyes were hard with anger. Avon's face seemed frozen, but his eyes were dark with pain and anguish.

Cally answered Reya, "Avon and Grant were talking. About Anna."

"Oh."

Without taking his eyes off Grant's, Avon said, "Give him his rifle back."

They all looked with shock at Avon.

Cally said, "No, Avon. I can't do that."

Avon repeated it a second time, this time with more force. "_Give_ him his rifle back."

Cally said with equal force, "I'm not going to see you throw your life away again. Not for that woman."

Grant said with suspicion, "What is this? What are you trying to do?"

With his eyes still locked on Grant's, Avon said, "Cally, I need you to give Grant his rifle back. It's the only way he will listen."

Grant said in warning, "Don't think that you can trick me. I will never believe that Anna would work for the Federation."

Avon said, "It's no trick. The only deception came from Anna. She was their top undercover agent."

Grant looked as if he wanted to lunge towards Avon for saying these things. A slight gesture with their weapons from Cally and Reya, stopped him.

Avon looked at Cally. * _It's the only way to resolve this. _*

Cally was troubled, torn between her instinct to protect Avon and her desire for him to find peace. The rifle in her hand wavered as she hovered indecisively between thoughts.

Reya put her hand out and grabbed the barrel. "Even if Cally is willing to give up the rifle, I can't let her. This man wants to kill you, Avon. It would be responsible of me to let him have a weapon to do it with."

Avon levelled inflexible eyes on her. "It's not your choice to make."

Reya said, "Avon, this is madness."

"I wouldn't disagree," said Avon. "Now give him the gun."

Avon directed his thoughts to Cally. His eyes were sincere. *_ You know that it has to be this way. I am not trying to commit suicide this time. I promise you that, Cally. Grant will not kill me. _*

Cally knew that Avon would never break a promise to her but she didn't know what Grant was capable of, she asked, * _How can you be sure of that? You thought you knew Anna. _*

Avon grimaced at a reminder of the truth. *_ I need you to trust me, Cally. You know that I have to do this. _*

Cally reached towards the barrel of the gun to brush away Reya's hand. "I'm going to give the rifle to Grant."

Reya's eyes held a question, "Are you sure about this?"

Cally replied, "I'm sure about Avon. He needs to do this and I want to give him the chance."

Reya struggled between her duty to protect Avon and his right to make his own decision. Very reluctantly, and against her better judgement, she let go of the rifle, "I think you're both mad."

Cally looked at Avon and repeated his answer, "I don't disagree." She placed the rifle on the table. Grant looked at it but made no move to take the gun. Reya still had her pistol trained unwaveringly at him.

Avon said to them, "Grant and I need to talk in private."

Cally and Reya glanced at each other and then at Avon. Cally said, "Alright, Avon." She projected to Reya, *_ I can still monitor things from out in the corridor. If I feel there is danger, we can come back in. _*

Cally and Reya walked towards the door and Avon lagged behind them. Before she exited the room, Reya fixed Grant with a glare, but said to Avon, "We'll be right outside if you need us."

Avon locked the door after them and turned around to face Grant. The mercenary already had the rifle in his hands and had it trained on Avon.

When Grant was angry, he spoke with a low burning intensity. "I should kill you right now."

Avon walked slowly and deliberately towards Grant, keeping his hands away from his sides. "Or you could wait until I tell you everything, then you might have even more reason to kill me." He stopped moving forward when the muzzle of the gun pressed uncomfortably against his chest.

Grant moved the gun up and put it against Avon's head. "Don't think that I won't."

Avon made no move to stop him, he only waited.

Grant finally took a step backwards, he moved the muzzle to point at Avon's chest again. "Say what you have to say."

More than the idea of Grant wanting to kill him, this was what Avon had been dreading. In many ways, death would have been preferable.

As Avon began to recount the events that led up to the cellar, more memories stirred in his mind. Feelings and sensations. He tried to push them back down but it was a losing battle.

"After I was shot and found out later that Anna had been killed, I escaped Earth. I spent the next few years hiding, living under an assumed identity, trying to put together enough money in order to find out what happened to Anna. It was never enough. I could never find out anything other than she had died. I had almost given up hope until I saw you on Albian. You said that Anna had died under Federation torture."

Grant's voice was angry. "She died because of you and you have the gall to accuse her of being a Federation spy!"

"I had thought that too. I promised myself that I would never rest again until I knew what happened to her. I directed Orac to start looking through the Federation networks. Concentrating on the security services."

Despite the hostility and suspicion, Grant wanted to know. "You found something?"

"Yes. The information indicated that Anna had been tortured to death by a notorious para-investigator named Shrinker."

Grant's face registered alarm. "Shrinker?! I've heard of him. A lot of rebels wanted him dead but he disappeared." The idea that Anna had been tortured by Shrinker was too horrible to think about.

Avon's voice was tense, "I killed him."

Grant was poised between anger and confusion, "You did that, for her? Then I really don't understand."

"When Orac discovered who killed Anna, I directed it to find Shrinker. It wasn't easy. It took Orac months to track him down. Too many people wanted him killed and he was paranoid about security."

"So you found him?"

"Yes. I found him." There was a twinge as Avon felt the remembered pains from the five days he had allowed himself to be tortured in order to gain access to Shrinker.

Grant was increasingly mystified but the muzzle of the rifle was still pointed unwaveringly at Avon. "You loved Anna and you avenged her death. Why would you say she was a Federation spy?"

Now that he was nearing the cellar of his recollections, Avon was finding it harder to breath again. "I questioned Shrinker before I left him to die. He told me that a top undercover agent from Central Security had been sent to watch me when they discovered my plan to undermine confidence in the Federation credit system. An agent codenamed, Bartolomew. He said Bartolomew was the one who killed Anna and that Servalan may know who he was. He also mentioned Councillor Chesku in connection to Bartolomew."

"Chesku of the High Council? But I thought you killed _Shrinker_ because _he_ killed Anna?"

Avon's eyes were hard and merciless. "Not quite. I gave him the generous opportunity to kill himself. It was a better end than he gave to any of his victims."

"Can't say that I would disagree with that," said Grant. Some of his own rebel friends had been among Shrinker's victims. "You should have made him suffer first."

"He did." Avon's eyes did not invite further questions on this topic.

"Then what happened? Did you go after Servalan and Chesku? Did they tell you lies about Anna to save their skins?"

"I went after Servalan at Residence One." Avon could feel his heart pounding in his chest. The smells of the cellar filled his nostrils, nearly choking him. He took several breaths, trying to compose himself. "A group of rebels had taken over the place when we arrived. We found Servalan chained in her own cellar. She had been beaten up."

"I would have loved to see that," remarked Grant.

"She offered to tell me who Bartolomew was if I let her go."

"I would have killed her after I found out the information," said Grant. "But you've always been a man of your word."

Avon tried to take another deep breath. He was starting to feel dizzy. "Servalan was about to tell me…when someone came. It…was Anna."

Grant exclaimed incredulously, "Anna!?"

Avon's eyes closed tightly as a wave of memories hit him. Anna's voice. Her face. Her lips. She tried to kiss him.

Grant said in angry denial, "It couldn't have been Anna. You're lying. My sister is dead! If she wasn't, she would have told me!"

There were sounds from the door. Cally and Reya were attempting to re-enter the room. Cally's frantic voice shouted simultaneously in Avon's head and from the other side of the door. "Avon, open the door!" *_ Avon! _* Both men were too focussed on each other and Anna to pay any attention to the continued shouts.

Avon's eyes opened at Grant's anger. "I didn't want to believe it, but it was Anna. She told me how she looked for me when I didn't come back from the dealer with the visas. Anna said that she ran back to her husband, but because of what Shrinker had told me, I knew she was lying. Central Security had sent Bartolomew to stay close to me. To run me and to gather a list of all my contacts."

It still hurt after all this time. The slow realization, the agonizing logic that told him that Anna was Bartolomew. A sharp stab through the heart. Avon swayed on his feet, as he had the moment he had recognized the inescapable truth in the cellar. At that moment the truth had become an enemy, forcing him to admit that he had been a fool to believe in anyone that much again.

Grant came over and put his free arm around Avon and guided him into a chair. Avon was unresisting. His eyes, when he lifted them up to meet Grant's, were as lost and full of pain as they had been that day in the cellar.

Grant's anger was slowly turning to disbelieving confusion; he could not ignore the anguish he saw in Avon's eyes. He said to the stricken man, "There has to be another explanation."

Avon said, "Anna lied to you too. She let you believe that she was dead. Servalan confirmed the information, Anna was Bartolomew."

Grant stood up and paced the room, his rifle hung down. "I don't…believe it. I can't. She was my sister."

"After she betrayed me, Anna must have faked her own death. It must have facilitated her work as Bartolomew. When I saw her again, she had become the wife of Councillor Chesku." Avon choked out a short, cynical laugh. "Sula Chesku." He wondered how many names she had worn in her treacherous profession. "Most likely, she was sent to spy on him as well or as cover for something else devious."

Grant turned back to face Avon and asked, "Avon, where is Anna now?" He needed to speak to her, he had to hear it from her lips.

"Anna…is dead."

Grant's eyes opened in shock. A hope was dashed, only to be left with a taste of bitterness and the feelings of disbelieving anguish.

Avon could barely hear anything except the pounding of his heart. "When Anna realized I knew the truth, she tried to kill me. I…" Something heavy was pressing against his chest and his arm was in pain. "I shot…" Avon toppled forward.

Grant shouted, "Avon!" He rushed to his side, dropping the rifle. He caught Avon as he fell out of the chair and onto the floor.

There were sounds of weapons fire hitting the door panel from the other side and more shouting from Cally and Reya.

Avon shook his head and looked up at Grant. There was confusion in his eyes. He was supposed to be the one holding Anna. Not… His mind was caught up in memories that he had no control over.

More sounds of someone trying to gain entrance was heard.

Grant made a move to get up in order to let the others in but Avon grabbed Grant's arm. "She said that she let me go. Why did she say that?"

The ghost from the cellar whispered to him, _Anna Grant. I was only ever Anna Grant with you._

There was an explosion of pain in Avon's chest, as if the shot he fired had hit him. He gasped weakly, "She said it wasn't all lies. What did she _mean_?" He slipped into unconsciousness.

The door slid open and Cally and Reya rushed in.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Nineteen

Before the door had fully opened, Cally and Reya raced in.

Reya already had her pistol drawn. Her eyes were tough and unyielding as she gestured to Grant. "Get away from him." She kicked the rifle out of his reach.

Grant decided that it was better to do as she asked rather than try to explain first. After watching her at work the last few days, he had no doubts that she would have very few difficulties about making him comply, even if she had to shoot him somewhere first.

He got up slowly, keeping his hands visible, and backed away. Cally was already bent down to check on Avon. Her face immediately registered alarm. "He's in cardiac arrest!" She started applying first aid procedures.

Reya's face got even harder and with hostile eyes still trained on Grant said, "The rebels have a physician I'll go and get him." She glanced around and spotted some cables that Cally had pulled out earlier in order to replace them. Reya used several to tie Grant to a chair.

Grant protested. "You don't have to do this. I'm no threat to Avon. I was trying to help him."

"That may be. Or it may not. You can explain it to me later." She raced off to get help.

Grant turned his head around to so he could watch Cally continuing to work on Avon.

He didn't know what to think. The discovery that Anna had lied to him all these years was something that he didn't want to accept. He loved his sister and the idea that she would let him believe that she was dead when she wasn't, was knowledge that he rebelled at.

_Anna, a Federation spy?_

They both worked for the Federation at one point. Almost everyone did. It was the biggest employer and controlled a large percentage of the empire, from food production to mining. Like Argus, he had been an officer in the Federation military forces. Anna worked in various departments; she had never been satisfied with any of them. Being an analysis specialist, she had that freedom. That was how she had met Avon.

_How could she be a spy? She knew I was a mercenary helping the rebels. If she really was working for the Federation, she would have had to report me._

It made no sense but he could not ignore the look in Avon's eyes and his collapse. The man still loved his sister, or he wished he still could. The Avon he knew dealt in facts and logic, and he believed that Anna had betrayed him.

_Argus said that Avon had been at one of the Special Detention Centre for three years. That must be it! What they did to him there must have confused him. Or they tried to implant memories to make him believe that everyone had betrayed him. Argus said that they implanted memories into Vila too. It has to be._

Cally felt for Avon's pulse. Grant could see her give a sigh of relief. He asked, "Is he alright?"

Cally said icily, "No thanks to you." She took Avon's hand in hers and tried to reach his mind.

Grant said, "I didn't mean for this to happen."

Cally wanted to hold someone responsible for what happened but she knew that there was no one to blame; only a woman who was dead and Servalan, whom she wished were dead too.

She said distractedly, "I know." Avon's presence was faint but she was aware of him. She looked up at the man tied to the chair. "He told you about Anna?"

Grant said reluctantly, "Yes."

"Do you believe him?"

Grant pulled slightly at the uncomfortable cables restraining him to the chair. "No. I won't believe it. They must have done something to his mind at the Detention Centre. It's the only way that Avon would believe that Anna betrayed him, or that she was a Federation spy."

Cally looked at Grant with sympathy. She understood what he was trying to do and didn't blame him. If she had been in his place, she might have tried to do the same. Anything was preferable to believing the worst about someone you thought you knew.

She said gently, "I know you don't want to believe it but I was there too. I saw Anna try to kill Avon after he found out that she was a spy. He had his back to her. I was the one who warned him when she pulled out her gun. Avon didn't have a choice. She would have killed him."

Cally's words hit Grant like a phaser pistol on max. He strained against his bonds, as if by doing so, he could escape from a truth he did not want to hear. A fact that had a witness, could no longer be denied. Anna didn't just betray Avon; she had tried to murder him.

And she made them all believe that she was dead.

Grant said with anguish, "It can't be. There has to be another explanation."

"I wish I could tell you that there was."

Grant stopped struggling and sat back dejectedly against the chair. "I don't know what to believe."

Cally said, "I know. You don't want to believe it."

His eyes challenged hers. "Would you?"

"I don't think Avon intended to kill Anna, even after he found out the truth about her. If she hadn't tried to kill him first, I think he would have forgiven her, or let her go."

Grant said, "I don't blame Avon."

"I'm glad. And I'm sorry. It's a terrible thing to find out about someone you were close to."

At that moment, Reya, Argus, the physician and the two rebel leaders rushed into the room.

**********

Avon felt warm where he was, in a state between wakefulness and blissful oblivion. There were no tendrils of emotions or thoughts threatening to drag him into another nightmare.

They must have filled him up with drugs again so that he could rest. Cally's voice was a soft whisper from far away; but its very presence was enough to provide the soothing encouragement his embattled mind needed.

The nightmares and memories always left his nerves raw and his emotional state unstable and barely in control. Avon knew that it must have been something done to him at the Detention Centre. It made him vulnerable to the work and manipulation of the interrogators.

_How long have I been unconscious? _

It was hard to tell. The last thing he remembered was…

_Grant. I was telling Grant about Anna._ The memory pulled him back in the computer control room. He was looking up at Grant because…he had collapsed onto the floor. He had been telling Grant about Anna.

There was shock and anger on Grant's face. Denial. Anger. Hurt. Questions. More anger.

Avon was surprised that he could think clearly about this. Thoughts of Anna had always sent him into an uncontrollable spiral. The feelings were still there, but it was different. He had power over them; he could feel and remember without being overwhelmed.

_What's changed? Is it only because of the drugs?_ But they had become much less effectively lately. _It can't be that._

The only thing that had changed was his telling Grant about Anna.

_Why would that make a difference? The situation with Anna has not changed. Nothing can undo her betrayal. _Telling Grant had produced no useful information.

The facts concerning Anna remained the same. As did the questions.

_I will never know. _It was something Grant would never know either. Anna had betrayed her brother as much as she betrayed him.

Grant was someone who understood how he felt. No matter how much the other's tried, none of them, not even Cally, could truly understand, on such an intimate level, the cost of Anna's treachery.

Avon didn't understand why or how, but the fact that he was no longer alone in this burden, was enabling him to see this nightmare clearly for the first time. His mind was busy processing the information.

Even if he did find out, what then? Anna was dead, nothing could change that fact. If she had never loved him, then he would only have confirmation that he had never been anything more than a fool. _I already know that._ If she _had_ loved him, it only made it worse. She had loved him and still betrayed him.

Avon knew that a part of him would never be able to let go of the Anna of his memories, regardless of what she had done or not done. He knew it was an irrational sentiment. It made no logical sense, but that day in the cellar, it was not logic that motivated him. The irrationality had caused him to be unable to leave the body of his betrayer, even if it meant his own death. Avon had placed his hand over her dead one, unwilling to break their ties even in death.

His love for Anna had been stronger than anything she could do to him. Even now, Avon did not hate her for what she had done. He could never do that to her. There was only sadness and pain, and a need to understand.

_I have to accept that I may never find out. _Both he and Grant had to accept it. If he had an opportunity to find the truth, he would try, but in the meantime, he had to let it go.

_A person who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken._

_Cally said that once. It seemed such a foolish sentiment then._

Avon was aware of voices beside his bed.

**********

Argus was _fuming_. Fire seemed to escape from his eyes. He wanted to yell at someone. "_What the hell were you people thinking?_" But he controlled himself. It was not productive to yell at anyone in this situation. Instead, he glared at everyone who came within eyesight. Considering the room only contained Reya and Grant, they were at least two of the three people who were his intended targets. He stalked around the room, carrying the aura of an old extinct Earth species, a huge, dangerous bear, rearing up large on its hind legs.

Avon had suffered a cardiac arrest but Cally's prompt actions had saved him. He was in the other room, being tended to by people who could help. All Argus and the others could do was wait.

The doctor and his assistants came out of the room. There was a pleased look on his face as he reported, "He's fine and resting comfortably. It was a heart attack but we got to him in time and Cally's quick actions prevented the worst. He hasn't woken up yet but that isn't unusual." Despite the good news, the doctor's face took on a concerned look again. "Did you know that his heart is very weak? It appears to have sustained damage over a long period of time."

Argus let out a breath of pent up tension. "Yes, we know. They had him at the Special Detention Centre for three years."

The doctor nodded in reluctant comprehension. "Not the healthiest place to be."

Argus asked, "No. Can we see him?"

"Just briefly. He needs to rest for a few days."

"We'd like to take him back to our ship. We have advanced medical equipment onboard that may help him."

"Yes, Cally had mentioned that. I see no problems with it. His condition is stable now and Cally has more than enough ability to take care of any further needs he has. If there are any complications, I'm available."

"Thank you, doctor. I will keep that in mind."

"It's the least that we can do."

**********

Argus, Grant and Reya entered the room cautiously. Their mood was subdued. Avon was lying on the bed and Cally was sitting on the edge, wiping his face with a damp cloth. He looked even paler than normal but his chest rose and fell with a reassuringly steady rhythm.

Cally looked up at their approach. Argus kept his voice low as he asked anxiously, "How is he doing?"

She replied, "He's recovering. The doctor was able to fix most of the damage but Avon hasn't woken up yet."

Argus hated not being able to do something. "I understand that Avon has been cleared to return to the ship?"

"Yes, I requested that. There is a nano-heart monitor I'd like to inject into him so that I can keep an eye on his progress."

Argus said wryly, "He probably won't like that. He'll consider it an invasion of his privacy." Now that Avon was going to be fine, there was a relieved and lighter atmosphere as some stresses were released.

Cally said, "He will have to if he doesn't want to be confined in the medical unit for a week."

Argus glanced quickly at Reya and said, "I understand chains work nicely if he won't."

Reya gave him an exasperated look, which he responded with a mischievous but apologetic grin and said, "I don't know where I got that idea."

Reya said dryly, "And some people need them more than others."

Argus wiped the near-smile off his face and asked Cally, "When do you want to move him?"

"I'd like to keep him here for another day. I don't want to expose him to the teleport stresses until he's had more rest."

"Alright. We'll be staying here to help the Solterans anyway. At least until the Federation computer specialist gets here." He said with less enthusiasm, "I also need to ask them if they still want to talk to Vila."

Cally's brows raised in query, "Vila?"

"They wanted to know what happened on Gauda Prime."

Cally was immediately concerned. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

Reya reminded herself that she needed to get Argus to explain to her what happened one of these days. The sooner the better.

A familiar but weak voice responded, "We'll find out."

"Avon!"

They all turned to look at him. Avon was staring up at them and there was a wince on his face. "I would appreciate less enthusiasm in your voices."

Cally asked in a quieter tone, "Do you have a headache?"

Avon lowered his voice as well to avoid aggravating the pain in his head. "Yes."

"I'll get you something for it." She went to a nearby table where she had laid her medical bag.

Argus asked, "How are you feeling, other than for the headache?"

"I'll survive. How long have I been out?" From where he was, Avon couldn't see any time instruments in the room.

Argus looked at his black military wrist chronometer. "About eight hours."

"Has the ice begun to recede?"

Argus replied, "It started several hours ago."

Avon told him, "There will be severe weather patterns while the system re-stabilizes."

Argus nodded, "I'll let the Solterans know. They've followed your advice and stayed put for now."

"It's refreshing when people actually listen to good advice. Any word on when the Federation specialist will be arriving?"

"Not yet." Argus's face took the resigned look of someone who had to eat something very unpleasant. "I guess I should ask Servalan."

"That would be an idea," said Avon.

Argus asked jokingly, "I suppose you're too sick to take a turn at it?"

"How could I? I'll be chained in the medical unit."

Grant had been listening silently while the others spoke and he watched Avon carefully. There was even more of a connection between the two of them now. What Anna did, had affected both of them deeply.

As Argus and Reya left, Grant stayed behind.

Cally told him in no uncertain terms, "Avon needs rest."

"This won't take long," said Grant.

Cally knew that Avon wanted to talk to Grant too. After what happened the last time, she was not about to leave the two of them alone. Her eyes caught Avon's and she said, "I'm staying."

Her tone told Avon that short of bodily carrying her out of the room, which he could not do in his present physical condition, she was staying. "Very well."

"But I'll be at the other end of the room," said Cally in compromise.

Avon inclined his head slightly in appreciation.

The two men waited until she had moved off before Grant said, "Cally told me the rest."

Avon responded impassively, "Of course."

"I can't believe that Anna tried to kill you, or that she was a Federation spy, but I have to."

"I'm…" Avon didn't know what to say to someone who had just found out his sister was the enemy. How could words be enough? They seemed such inadequate things, but they would have to do, for now. "Sorry you had to find out this way."

Grant's usually self-assured face seemed stained with sadness and anguish. "I don't thank you for telling me."

Avon thought,_ Perhaps Vila was right. For some people it is preferable to remain ignorant of the truths that would destroy one's soul_.

Grant continued, "But I don't hate you for it either. We were both victims of my sister's treachery."

"I couldn't keep the truth from you. You were Anna's brother."

"That still means a lot to you, doesn't it?" asked Grant.

"I wish it didn't."

Grant extended his hand out to Avon, "I would like to remain friends, if you don't mind. Even if we don't have Anna to connect us anymore."

As with the last time, Avon stared at the offered gesture a moment before he grasped Grant's hand in a firm shake. "Anna will always connect us."

**********

Vila went looking for Sester. He hadn't seen the psychostrategist all day and was wondering what he was up to. The door buzzer elicited no response. Vila was certain that Sester was in his cabin, he had checked with Zen.

Unless…

Vila took his all-purpose thieves' tool out of its normal place and set to work on the door panel.

If the tracer signal still registered inside Sester's cabin, then either the man needed help or Sester and his bracelet were no longer in the same location. Either way, Vila had to find out. He had the door open in no time and went inside.

Sester _was_ in his cabin. He was in a chair and bent forward with his head and arms sprawled across a table. There was a large empty bottle lying knocked over beside him and an empty glass. The smell of alcohol confirmed what had been in the bottle and was most likely inside the sleeping man now.

Vila said to no one in particular, "Just wonderful. Why do I get all the fun jobs?"

He took Sester by the shoulders and pushed him up to a seated position. This caused Sester to open blurry eyes. He blinked hard several times to try to focus. When he finally registered who it was, a big alcohol-friendly smile lit up Sester's face. "Vila!"

Vila said disapprovingly as more strong smells of alcohol wafted his way, "You're drunk."

Sester said in a slur, "I hopsh show. Wouldn't want feel like thish 'n not be drunk."

"What's wrong with you?" asked Vila. "Don't tell me that you have a drinking problem to add to all of your other vices."

Sester favoured him with another big smile and corrected him, "Ish _not_ a drinking problem." He seemed very certain of this, but of course the slurred speech made this highly suspect. "Ish a me problem. Or a me 'n Avon problem. Or maybe iz just Avon." This train of thought seemed to confuse him as the smile slowly faded and his forehead furled in concentration. Then Sester's eyes opened wide in shock, as if he suddenly realized what he had said. For a moment his eyes became clear and said, "Don't tell anyone. I can't say anything. She's terrible, Vila. It wouldn't help…" He stopped and his eyes glazed over again. He put his head on the table and instantly fell asleep.

Vila sighed, "I can't say anything if you don't tell me anything." Vila had a thoughtful look on his face as he looked down at the sleeping man. He was supposed to keep an eye on Sester and find out information about him. This definitely qualified. There was something Sester knew about Avon that he wasn't telling them. He had lied about Servalan not telling him anything useful.

_How do I get a psychostrategist to reveal his secrets?_

Chapter Twenty

Avon was sitting on his bed, with his back against the wall, and listening to Vila's report about finding Sester drunk in his cabin. After Vila finished, Avon stared at him for a moment then he said, "You have good instincts, Vila."

Vila was startled by the praise. He didn't know why, but whenever Avon said something positive about him, it had always felt good. "I do…I do?"

Avon said, "Yes. It was a good idea to not take advantage of his condition to illicit more information."

Vila was feeling much more confident these days but also a bit nervous. It felt strange having people take him seriously. "Well, I didn't think he would trust me if I did that. And we want him to."

"I still want that information that he obtained from Servalan." Even though Avon had decided to let Anna go, for a man who couldn't stand unsolved mysteries, it would always be a Gordian knot that needed unravelling. If Sester could be used to provide the stroke to cut that knot, then Avon was not going to pass up this opportunity.

"Are you sure it's a good idea? It didn't sound like it was something good. You might not want to kn…" Vila stopped. Of course, Avon would want to know, even if he shouldn't.

Avon said with sudden intensity, "I _have_ _to know_." His eyes were dark with complex emotions though his face was still. Avon took a deep breath, trying to wrestle with the emotions that were threatening to surface again. It was bad enough that Cally was able to sense his strong emotional states, even when he would have preferred to keep them to himself. With the heart monitor, she would know the instant there was any abnormal rises in his heart rate.

Vila said, "I knew you were going to say that."

Avon asked, "What do you want to do next?"

Vila had a conspiratorial twinkle in his eyes. "I can't ask Sester, but that doesn't mean that someone _else_ can't."

"Ah." Avon's expression conveyed that he knew what was coming next. It didn't seem like he thought it was a good idea. "You're thinking of using the Commander? I doubt she'll agree."

"Well, it depends on what I ask her to do, doesn't it? There are some things she definitely won't do."

The sliver of a grin appeared on Avon's face. "And some things she will. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I could mention that I noticed that he's been drinking. Don't know if Argus would like that. Imagine if Sester came on the flight deck drunk, while…"

Avon said, "Vila!" He almost sounded disapproving but it was hard to tell.

Vila asked, "Too much? You don't think I should do it?"

Avon face was as unreadable as ever as he gave Vila a hard look and then he said, "That's brilliant."

"You really think so?"

"It's deviousness worthy of me." There was more than a glimmer of a grin this time.

Vila decided he could get to like this Avon.

Avon added in warning, ""Let's hope that it's enough for a psychostrategist."

Vila became nervous again. "He's a tricky one. He could probably out-trick himself."

"That's what we're relying on. Be careful with the Commander. She is not going to be pleased if she finds out that she's being manipulated."

Vila asked hopefully, "Maybe Argus could help?" He wasn't sure about tackling Reya by himself. It had _sounded_ like a good idea when he thought of it. "I might need some support. There's just one of me, and all of her."

"Don't tell me that she still makes you nervous, Vila."

"Have you seen what she can do with a laser pistol?"

"Something suitably destructive, I imagine."

Vila seemed in awe. "That's not even the half of it. She's an artist."

"Artistic use of a laser pistol. It sounds like a contradiction in terms."

"Not if you've seen her in action on the firing range."

"I'll take your word for it. I will speak to Argus if the need arises."

So far, other than for an enquiry into Avon's health, Vila had refrained from making any personal remarks. He knew that Avon would prefer to keep some things private, especially when it dealt with Anna. There was no preventing it though, what they were doing had a direct impact on Avon's history with Anna. He asked, "Avon, what happened with Grant down on the planet?"

Avon faced away from Vila and became very still as he stared off into the distance. In his mind, he could see the troubled face of the man whose life he had ruined. "I told him about Anna."

"You really did it. Did he…do anything?"

Avon looked at Vila again, "If you're asking if he tried to kill me, then no. Was he thinking of it? Without a doubt."

"You took a big risk. What stopped him?" Vila had visions of Cally or the Commander tackling Grant to the ground and taking the gun from him. Or maybe both of them.

"The truth."

"The truth?" asked Vila.

Avon looked away from Vila again and stared off into the distance with eyes that were deep in thought. "The truth stops everyone eventually. As long as you're willing to see it."

"So Grant believes the truth about his sister?"

There was a touch of regret in Avon's voice as he said, "Yes."

Vila asked, "Do you?"

Avon turned to look at Vila again. "I don't need to believe it. I know the truth." There was just a dull flare of pain as he said it. More regret than anything else.

Vila said, "That wasn't what I was asking."

Avon looked away again. "I know."

Vila really hoped that the information they would find out from Sester would be worth it. He didn't want to make things worse.

**********

Reya was nearing the end of her shift on the flight deck when Vila arrived. He hovered nervously at the entrance watching her, trying to compose what he was going to say before he went inside.

Reya was bent over the force wall controls when she looked up and said, "You're early for your shift."

Vila nearly jumped out of his skin when she spoke. "I…could come back." He didn't feel ready yet.

Reya gave him an amused but friendly smile. "Vila, I don't bite. You _can_ come in."

Vila reluctantly descended the few steps leading onto the field of doom as Reya's face resumed its normal professional manner. It was a look that always made Vila jumpy. He sunk down onto the couch facing her. Where he was sitting felt lumpy and he shifted around uncomfortably. "What are you doing?" he asked, trying to make polite conversation.

"I'm recalibrating some of the force wall controls. There's a slight misalignment in the harmonics but the autorepair didn't fix it properly. I might have Avon take a look at the programming."

"That sounds...bor… I mean interesting." He wondered how to steer the conversation towards Sester.

Because of the concentrated look on his face Reya asked, "Did you want to talk about something?"

Despite her friendly manner, Vila gulped as if he had just be caught in the forward scanner of a pursuit ship. _This is important. I have to do this,_ he told himself. Gathering his uncooperative courage, he plunged ahead into what he had planned to say. He said indecisively. "There _may be_ something but I don't know if I should say it. Argus would kill me."

Reya's eyes sparked with interest and she straightened up from what she was doing. "Why would he do that?"

Vila never noticed the couches feeling so bumpy before. "I don't know if I should tell you."

"Come now, Vila. You obviously came here to tell me something. You might as well do it."

He said reluctantly, "It's about Sester."

Reya's forehead furled when she heard the name of someone she would prefer to remain out of any conversation. "I see."

Vila had the look of a messenger that didn't want to be shot. "I knew you wouldn't like it."

Reya's face had become hard with tension. "What has he done now? Don't worry about telling me. I won't let Argus anywhere near you."

"I've been trying to get to know him. Sester, that is."

She had been noticing this. With a disapproving voice she asked, "Vila, why would you do that?"

"Well, everyone's nasty to him and…"

"You felt sorry for him?"

"Not exactly. Well, I guess just a little."

Her face softened a bit and she studied him. "You're a good person, Vila."

"I don't know if you would call me good." This was the first real, personal conversation he had with Reya since she joined the ship. In the past he had always been too nervous. Vila found that he liked this side of her. "He seems stressed lately and really unhappy."

"He doesn't show it," said Reya. She was aware of Sester whenever he came anywhere near her. Her guard instantly went up higher when he was around.

"Yes…he doesn't when people can see him but he's…" Vila hesitated and looked at her.

"What have you seen?"

"He's been drinking. A lot. I had to break into his cabin yesterday when he wasn't answering. I was worried. He was passed out drunk and I was thinking…if he's drunk and comes and tries to find you…with Argus around…" He left the thought hanging. Vila felt like _he_ needed a drink now. He wasn't sure he liked manipulating Reya, or anyone for that matter. Vila wondered if Sester ever felt this way in his job. He doubted it. Alphas like him loved playing games with other people's lives.

Vila wondered why he even liked Sester. He had to admit that he did, just a little. The man was charming and fun to be around, but there was something else about him. He wasn't quite sure what it was.

Reya said with reluctant concern, "I see. Thank you for telling me, Vila. I'll take care of it."

"Do you…want me to come with you?" he offered.

"No. It's better if I do this alone. But thank you."

Vila felt rotten. He didn't mind manipulating someone like Sester. It was nothing that he didn't deserve, but Reya… Vila was surprised to realize that he didn't think of her as just the Commander anymore.

**********

Avon was still sitting on the bed in his cabin. His back was propped up against the wall with a pillow for support. He fiddled around with a receiver unit. At the moment there was hardly any sounds emanating from it. He didn't expect there to be, Sester didn't seem the type to talk to himself. Most likely, like himself, most of Sester's thinking was confined inside his head.

Now that Avon was in close communication with Cally, he often speculated how useful it would be to have full telepathic ability, only one way of course. It would never do to have it work the other way around.

Avon glanced down at the panic patches beside him. He was ready for anything. He didn't expect many surprises but he always liked being prepared. Sometimes the least likely possibilities seemed the most inevitable in his life; such as finding Servalan on Sarran. Avon's lips curled in a snarl as he contemplated the start of a journey that had ended in his imprisonment under her power. If he had killed her on Sarran, then everything might have turned out differently.

Vila should be finished speaking to the Commander now and had started his shift. That meant Reya would be looking for Sester soon.

Avon looked down at the small receiver unit in his hand. His hand was gripping it too tightly. He relaxed his hold and waited.

His goal was close.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Twenty-One

After Sester said that there was more, Reya had sat down again.

Sester paced the cabin while she waited. His pounding headache had lessened in intensity, most likely due to the influx of adrenaline in his system as he told Avon and Anna's story. It was a point of stress for him. He knew that despite Avon's desire to know the truth, he didn't really want this truth. The knowledge that Anna did love him would be more devastating than any confirmation of her unbridled treachery.

The information had been a great burden for Sester. He hated that Servalan had put him in this position. Her reasons for doing this made him ill. She wanted to assert her control over Avon. She wanted him to feel the power she had over him; the power to tear his life apart at a moment's whim and then watch him desperately try to put himself back together again. Sester had watched it often enough at the Detention Centre; he had helped her do some of it. He didn't know if he could watch it again or hear Avon's screams of agony as they ripped into the heart he barely acknowledged he had.

Sester hated himself for being an instrument that could be used to cause this much pain. He wondered how many other lives he had destroyed in the course of his work. It had never meant that much to him before. You don't have feelings for puppets. Seeing Avon suffering another horrifying nightmare on the flight deck, had brought back memories of the isolation chamber and Sester's finest and most dreadful achievement. Until that day in the Detention Centre, he had never witnessed the cost of bringing a human being to the point where they lost all desire to live. Servalan may have authorized it, but he was the one who had knowingly made it happen.

The guilt was like a black hole that threatened to swallow Sester up. He could not do that to Avon again. The others may not believe him, they might see it as more proof of his treachery but he could not tell Avon what he wanted to know. It would hurt Avon too much to realize that he killed someone who loved him; that once again he had done something horrible and made a fatal mistake.

Sester shook his head. _Why is it that you always find yourself in these situations, Avon? First Anna and then Blake. What possessed all of you? What happened to your brains? What enables this tragedy of errors in your life, Avon? A simple word. A little thought. If you, or Anna, or Blake had done just one thing different, it could have all been avoided and your life would not be in the mess it is now._

At times, at the Detention Centre, Sester thought that Avon wanted the pain they were inflicting on him; bowing his head as they broke his body, as if accepting a punishment for something only he understood.

Reya broke Sester's train of thought, "You said there was more?"

He was startled and turned to look at her. She was beautiful. Her hard face was softened by the humanity he saw in her eyes. A humanity, he knew he didn't possess. "Yes."

[Outside Avon's cabin, Vila had joined Cally and was working on the door panel in order to override the security lock Avon had placed on it. Vila straightened up and said in frustration, "I can't do it with this." He looked at the all-purpose tool he normally carried for such occasions. "He must have been watching me override the door panels and done something tricky with the lock."

Cally's face was heavy with concern. "Can you open it?"

"Not with this." Vila put his tool away in disgust. "I'll have to get my proper kit."

Cally's voice was tinged with fear as she said, "Please hurry, Vila." She had not been able to reach Avon with her mind and there had been no responses to repeated shouts and banging on the door. Her mind was shielded now against the continuing assault of emotions from Avon but it was not enough. She could still feel his pain and devastation. Something terrible was happening inside the room.

Vila was always affected by someone else's pain and fear. It was even worse, when he shared it. He ran off to his cabin to get the thieves kit that Argus had given to him as a birthday gift. It seemed like such a long time ago.]

Sester tore his eyes away from Reya. His feelings for her were a distraction that he wanted, but could not allow himself. He had more to tell her. "As I said, Anna loved Avon, but not in the way that he loved her. She loved him enough to help him and to let him go but not enough to give up everything for him. She returned to her life as Bartolomew."

"She was still a spy and she worked for the Federation."

Sester could almost hear the words she was not saying. "Reya, I know what you're trying to imply but I've already explained my reasons for what I do."

She was in an unrelenting mood. "I don't buy it. I don't think that you believe in what you're doing anymore. You feel guilty and it's eating you up inside. You can't do Servalan's dirty work for her anymore. That's why you've been drinking."

Her words were like a sharp knife piercing through to where the truth lay. His jaw tightened and then he said, "It's my turn to tell you to stop doing that."

She challenged him, "Am I touching too close to the truth? Am _I_ making _you_ feel uncomfortable?"

Sester's breathing increased with the stress of the confrontation. He had never felt defensive before. It was not a feeling he liked. He had never been harsh with Reya but he said with anger, "Stop! Do you want to hear the rest, or not?"

Sester's eyes were like that of a cornered animal. Reya realized she had pushed him too far. She said calmly, "Yes, I do."

Sester instantly regretted his uncharacteristic outburst, but it was too late to take it back. Reya had the ability to get underneath his barriers and chip away at the areas he was most vulnerable.

In self-defence, he continued telling her about Anna. "Anna expected that Avon would move on with his life and learn to live without her. That was what _she_ did, but she did keep an eye out for him. Then Avon was captured and brought back to Earth for trial. He was sentenced to Cygnus Alpha. Anna still loved him and did not want to see him end up there. She had acquired quite a power base with her success as Bartolomew. Many people owed her favours. She used some of them to help Avon."

Reya was puzzled. "But Avon still ended up being sent on a ship to Cygnus Alpha."

Sester smiled. It was a burdened look that spoke of someone who knew too much that wasn't good for him. "Yes. That was his sentence and that was where he was sent. But not when."

Reya was even more mystified now. "I don't understand."

Sester asked her a guiding question. "Think about it, Reya. Who else was on the ship with Avon?"

Reya knew the answer but she still didn't understand. "You mean Blake?"

"Yes, Blake."

"Are you saying that it wasn't a coincidence?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Anna had something to do with it?"

Sester started pacing again as he told her the circumstances that had put Avon on the same ship with Blake. "When you put two people like Avon and Blake together, several inevitabilities are created. It's what psychostrategists call the predictability quotient. But you don't need to be a psychostrategist to know that it's a very bad idea to put the two of them together. Given half an opportunity, either one of them could cause a great deal of trouble and they both have a tendency to make things happen. Avon and Blake would have been bright enough to recognize each other's capabilities. Together, it was inevitable that they would attempt to escape. Alone, they each had half a chance. One had the technical ability to take over the ship and the intelligence to plan. The other had the ability to gather a group of people together and to lead them."

Reya asked, "But I understand that they didn't succeed. They tried to take over the ship but it failed. They only escaped when they accidentally encountered the _Liberator_."

Sester smiled. "That is the bane of a psychostrategist's work. It's the unpredictability of human actions. No matter how much we calculate and make provisions, even when things seem inevitable, there is always a chance that things will turn out completely differently."

"It's a good thing they didn't otherwise they would never have been able to get the _Liberator_," Reya remarked.

"That's very true."

[Vila rushed back with his equipment satchel gripped in anxious hands. Cally was frantic, she had continued to try calling out to Avon but to no avail. The emanations she had been receiving from him, despite her mental barriers up, were becoming very troubling.

Vila opened up the case, picked out a tool and began working on the door panel. His fingers were stiff with tension.

Cally said, "Please hurry, Vila!"

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" He shook his fingers and tried to relax them so that they wouldn't be so tense. He was very worried too.]

Reya asked Sester, "So Anna arranged for Avon and Blake to be on the same ship?"

Sester sat down again. "Yes. When Blake was sentenced to Cygnus Alpha, Avon was kept in a special holding facility away from the others. He was never supposed to be put on the _London_. He was to come on a later transport. The Federation was not going to risk having both of them together. Once they were on Cygnus Alpha, it didn't matter. You can probably verify that with Vila. Avon was never in the holding cell with the rest of the prisoners that were going to the _London_. He was brought in later when they started to board. Somehow Anna was able to arrange that. She had false orders issued for Avon's transfer and then had fake prisoner rolls sent to Civil Administration. As far as the Federation authorities knew, Avon was still at the holding facility, waiting for the next transport. You must have imagined their surprise when the captain of the _London_ reported that Avon was among the prisoners who escaped. Central Security was furious. Several people were demoted to penal colonies. The Federation had intended to retrieve Avon from Cygnus Alpha, after a suitable period of time. They thought that after giving him a taste of what life could be like if he refused to cooperate, then he would be more reasonable, and they wouldn't have to employ more drastic measures that might damage his brain."

[In the cabin that Cally and Vila were attempting to enter, Avon was in shock. His heart was beating wildly but he no longer noticed. There was one word repeating itself in his mind, over and over again until it was the only word he knew. _Anna. _]

[Vila said, "Just two more connections." His voice was full of anxiety, but his hands were steady as he continued to work on the door panel. Avon had done something very clever with the circuits. It was like unravelling a lock puzzle. Fortunately, Vila was very good at those.

Argus arrived and urgently asked Cally, "How is he? Have you been able to connect to Avon?" When Argus was informed of Cally's rushed return to the ship, he had come back immediately as well.

Cally was full of fear for Avon. She knew that something terrible was going on inside of him. "I haven't been able to. He's closed off to me and his mind has lost conscious control. Argus, he's in so much pain!"

Argus put his hand on her arm, "We'll help him, Cally. He's not alone. Do you know what caused this?"

Vila's hands stopped working and he turned towards Argus.]

Reya said, "But there's one thing I still don't understand. If Anna did all that for him, if she did love him, then why did she try to kill him?"

Sester's lips contorted as if there was something he didn't want to say but had to. "That was the greatest tragedy. You see, Blake was known by the Federation as a violent terrorist. He caused the deaths of many people. Blowing up major comm and nav centres like Saurian Major and causing the deaths of many thousands when the control systems went down. Anna never expected Avon to stay with someone like Blake. The Avon she knew was not a violent man. But when he stayed and helped Blake and heard all of the destructive things they did, she thought he had changed. When she saw Avon again in the cellar, Anna thought she didn't know him anymore. She was afraid he would kill her if he found out she had been a Federation spy so, she pretended that she was the Anna he had known. But then Avon realized the truth and she was trapped."

"That was why she tried to kill Avon?"

Sester looked uncomfortable, "I'm not sure she intended to kill him. She believed that Avon had become the kind of person who would kill her for betraying him to the Federation."

As Reya heard this, an increasingly horrified look came over her face.

Sester said, "I watched the footage from the cellar that Servalan provided when we rebuilt the scenario for Avon. Anna did pull a gun on him. Cally shouted in warning and Avon whirled around and shot her. It was a purely instinctive reaction on Avon's part, but Anna may not have meant to kill Avon. She may have only wanted to prevent him from killing her, so that she could tell him the truth. That would make more sense with what we know about her. But unfortunately, Avon never knew that when he shot her. There was no way he could have known that she didn't intend to kill him."

"So Avon made a mistake?"

"It is likely he did. Anna tried to explain it to him after she was shot. She tried to tell him that it wasn't all lies and that she did love him. She tried to tell him that she let him go but it was too late and she died before she could say more."

[Cally and Vila finally burst into Avon's cabin but his heart had already stopped.]

[In Sester's cabin, Argus overrode the door controls and went inside to stop Sester from saying any more, but it was too late, the damage had already been done.]

Chapter Twenty-Two

"Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets."

Arthur Miller

Cally held back tears as she worked on Avon, trying to coax his shattered heart back to life. She counted off the interminable seconds between compressions. With each one, Avon was slipping farther away from her. She could no longer sense his mind. He was as dead to her as he had wanted to become to himself.

Cally was afraid what they would find when he was returned to the living state he seemed to have abandoned. Wherever he was, it was where he wanted to be. Free from the pain of living, of being himself.

She felt guilty. Perhaps it was kinder to grant him his wish. Cally shook her head and continued pressing on his chest. _No. There has to be something better than oblivion_.

Cally felt selfish, even as she desperately tried to save Avon's life. She loved him. She needed him. He had become an important part of her and she couldn't let him go.

She projected as strongly into his mind as she could, but it felt as if she was shouting into the void. _Avon, please fight. Please come back. I need you. We all need you._

**********

Vila raced to the medical unit to get supplies for Cally. He staggered a moment as sharp pains emanated from his stomach. It was an old problem rearing its irritating head. Vila steeled himself and continued onwards.

**********

"… she died before she could say more." After Sester was finished, he looked at Reya. She was very still and absorbed in thought. Sester's tired face held soft admiration as he watched her.

The cabin door slid open and Argus seemed to explode into the room. He instantly took the situation in and headed straight for Sester, his hands grabbing him by the collar and nearly lifting him off the floor before Sester could react. Reya had shot out of her chair and was only a step behind him.

Reya touched Argus's arm and asked in alarm, "Argus, what are you doing? What happened?"

Argus's eyes were like guided lasers that would slice through any obstacle with extreme malice. His voice was low and contained a dangerous anger. "He's killing Avon."

Sester saw the murderous look in Argus's eyes and decided that his normal baiting responses would not be the wisest move. He said in denial, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't done anything to Avon."

Reya voice was firm and reasonable. "Argus, put him down and tell us what's wrong."

Argus took his eyes off Sester and turned his head to look at her. It did not help his anger. He had seen the look in Sester's eyes when he came in. The softness and something that made Argus want to slam the psychostrategist against the wall and through to the next cabin. He said with a tight voice, "What were you doing with him?"

Reya bristled at the accusation in his tone but there was also the ever-present guilt. "We weren't _doing_ anything. We were having a talk about…" Reya hesitated. She had not promised Sester anything, but she knew it would seem to be a betrayal if she told Argus what Sester had revealed to her, without asking him first.

Sester saw her predicament and said, "I was telling her about Avon and Anna."

Argus said angrily, "That's what's killing Avon." He twisted Sester's collar and then he pushed him away, making him stagger backwards and hit the dresser.

Sester's eyes widened and he brought the tracer bracelet up to look at it. Then he glanced at Reya. There was a look of betrayal in his eyes that was quickly masked by a cynical, self-mocking amusement. _I was a fool. Of course, you would do anything to help Avon. ALL of you would. I was nothing more than the enemy after all. You may have feelings about me but not for me._

Reya wanted to say something when she realized what Sester must be thinking. _It wasn't me. I wouldn't betray your trust. _But it was too late. Any denials by her in this charged atmosphere of paranoia and mistrust would fall on deaf ears. She said instead, "I'm sorry."

Sester said, "You have nothing to apologize for." There was an easy smile on his face again, that was touched with a hint of cool cynicism. He still loved her but now he knew where he stood.

**********

_How many minutes has it been? Where is Vila? _Cally continued working on Avon's lifeless body as the seconds passed. She wished she could take each one back.

**********

Vila arrived in the medical unit and emptied a box of medical equipment on the floor. He began gathering the supplies Cally needed for Avon. His stomach was really hurting now but he barely seemed to notice. All he knew was that Avon's heart had stopped and they had to get it started again.

If it was possible, he wanted to kick himself for his part in making this happen.

_I knew it was a bad idea. I tried to tell him. How are we going to fix this?_

Vila didn't want to lose his friend. No matter what Avon had been in the past, no matter what they had both been to each other, things were different now. They were no longer the same people, or rather they were, but they were what they both could have been if they had been given a chance.

In the past Avon could be a complete bastard but there were always hints of something more underneath, things that only showed when he risked his life for them.

_And what was I? _Vila knew that if he was being honest with himself, he wasn't that much better either. They had both done things they shouldn't have. He was brave at times, but many times he let other people take the risks. There were many things he felt guilty about too. Things he planned to make up for.

Avoiding risks you didn't have to take was the smart thing to do. Only an idiot would willingly walk into danger and he had spent most of his life running from it. Keeping himself alive and out of a penal colony was enough of a challenge without having to face danger for someone else. Vila suspected that Avon was the same.

It may have been selfish in their parts but when you didn't know if you were going to be alive tomorrow, it wasn't the worse they thing they could have done. Neither of them had chosen to work for the Federation, which would have been the safer alternative. Especially Avon. They would have valued him and given him whatever he asked for, as long as he did what they wanted. But both of them had chosen to operate outside of it, despite the risks, and even if it meant they would both become hunted criminals.

Vila knew now that the Federation had done some of it to him. He didn't know how much, but he was determined that they would never have that control over him again.

Vila put the final item into the box and ran back to Avon's cabin.

In the past, even before Gauda Prime, at times there had been camaraderie of sorts between them. But since they had rescued Avon from Servalan, and especially in these past few months, the possibilities that Avon had staunchly tried to deny before, had finally started coming to the surface.

Vila refused to lose what was no longer a might-have-been.

**********

Sester faced Argus, "Avon heard everything?"

Argus's voice was tight with unreleased aggressions, "Yes."

It was as Sester had feared. After all of the secrets and soul-numbing drinking, it had come to nothing. Sester allowed a faintly horrified look to spread across his face. "I didn't know." He glanced at Reya. "If I had, I wouldn't have said anything. I would never knowingly hurt Avon. Not again."

Argus felt helpless. All he could see in his mind was Avon suffering as he had been on the flight deck. In Argus's imagination, it became ten times worse. There was nothing he could do. He really wanted to blame Sester but knew he couldn't. That made him even angrier. "You kept this from us!"

Sester said calmly, "And for very good reason. I knew this would happen if Avon found out and I was _right_. But now is not the time for this, you can beat me up later. Avon is in trouble."

With Sester's words, Argus came crashing back to a reality that was not focused on himself. His temper cooled and he said, "You're right. There will be time for this later."

Sester asked, "How is Avon?"

For Avon's sake, they all acted as if they had not almost been at each other's throats.

Argus replied, "I don't know. He's locked himself in his cabin and Vila is trying to break in. Cally hasn't been able to reach Avon with her psi abilities, but she says that he's in trouble. That's why I came to stop you."

Sester said with equal concern, "I was afraid of that. That's why I decided not to tell any of you."

Argus asked, "Do you know what's happening with him?"

Sester looked at Reya. "You know."

Reya's eyes passed between the two men. "Yes." She told Argus, "It's a long story but the crux of it is that Anna did love Avon and he may have killed her by mistake."

Argus took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Now he understood and it was as bad as he had feared. With all of the nightmares that already haunted him, Avon could not take this kind of additional shock.

He turned to Sester and fixed him with a long stare. There was only a slight hint of recrimination in his voice as he said, "If you had told us this from the very beginning, rather than lie to us and keep this information to yourself, we wouldn't have tried to find out and Avon won't be where he is now."

Sester said, "You're right. I suspected that this might be inevitable, but I did everything in my power to prevent it."

Reya said, "Argus, he's right. He did try to prevent this from happening by keeping the information from us. Servalan wanted him to tell us, but he didn't. Vila came to me and told me that Sester had been drinking."

Sester tried to stop her, "Reya, don't…"

Reya told him, "I have to say this. Sester cares about Avon and he feels guilty about the things he did to him. He's told us that repeatedly and he's shown it to us by his actions. If he didn't care, he would have followed Servalan's orders and told all of this to Avon. He was willing to risk himself with Servalan by refusing to tell us. The pressure has been so great that he's been drinking. He would rather do that than try to hurt Avon again."

Argus rebelled at hearing all of this from Reya. He said sarcastically, "You're painting him out to be quite the hero."

"Argus, stop it!" Her eyes pleaded with him for reason and understanding. "Please."

Her tone made Argus feel terrible. "I'm sorry."

Reya knew that there was much to work on between them, but now was not the time. She said, "We should go and see how Avon is." Without another word, she headed for the door and both men followed her out.

**********

Vila came back with the supplies. As he handed the box to Cally, he immediately asked, "How is he?"

Cally took the box from him and took out a cardiac stimulator. She tried to keep the fear out of her voice and forced herself to concentrate on what she was doing. "I couldn't get his heart started." Spreading Avon's shirt farther apart, she applied two remote pads to his chest and turned them on. Her hands faltered as she said in a shaky voice, "I don't think he wants to come back."

Vila said in a panic, "But he has to! We can't lose him, Cally! We'll help him!"

"I know." She turned on the unit and set the controls. _I'm sorry, Avon_. "Clear, Vila." Vila backed away from the bed. Cally pressed the activation control and the charged pads sent shocks to Avon's heart, trying to force him to come back to a life he no longer wanted. Avon's body arched and then slumped back onto the bed.

**********

Argus, Reya and Sester arrived at Avon and Cally's cabin as Cally was administering the shocks to restart Avon's heart. Vila turned to acknowledge their arrival and then looked anxiously back at Avon again. They all stood to the side and tried to keep out of the way.

Cally depressed the activation switch again for the fifth time and Avon's body arched. Each time she did, with her mind she would call out to him.

This time she added a plea, *_ Avon don't leave me. Please. _*

The monitor on the cardiac unit coughed out a beep. A single one. Their mouths opened in shock and they all leaned forward, straining to hear something they weren't sure they had all heard. With fearful hope, Cally applied another shock. * _Avon, come back. We need you. I need you. _*

Another beat. Cally put her hand on Avon's chest and tried to reach for his mind; sending him comfort, encouragement and love. His presence was barely registering; he was like a sputtering flame that was threatening to extinguish itself.

A few more faltering beats. Everyone's faces took on an anxious hope.

A weak but steady rhythm began to emerge. Faces broke out into smiles and they all breathed a sigh of relief.

Vila hugged Cally. "He's back!"

Cally kept her hand on Avon's chest as she continued to send him encouragement and love. It was troubling that she was receiving no answering responses despite the intimate contact. Avon didn't seem to be aware of her.

He was back, but none of them knew what that meant now. Avon had heard something that made him not want to live anymore. None of them knew what they would find when he woke up.

Cally knew that he had come back for them. For her. She was afraid what it was going to cost him.

Were they going to regret bringing him back?

**********

Servalan had a speculative look in her eyes as she sat watching the viewscreen. She had the aura of a snake that was anticipating swallowing a helpless morsel. As always, footage of Avon was on her screen. Avon struggling against the bonds that fastened him to a table. He was being forced to relive the day in the cellar; again and again, each scenario worst than the last, until he was almost comatose with grief and guilt and horror.

She could almost see him in her mind's eye. She could imagine the same look on his face as he heard what Sester was telling him. Servalan wished she could see him collapse to his knees as the truth sunk in.

There was a likelihood that Avon would collapse. They had left his heart very weak and it wouldn't be able to stand too much strain. Servalan wasn't worried though. That was what Cally was there for. All of her little unknowing soldiers, doing exactly as she wanted, even in this. It was such a delicious thought. She relished the day when she would be able to tell them all, the day when she reclaimed her property and destroyed those who were no longer of any use to her.

Servalan's lips curved in a predatory smile.


End file.
